


Closer

by zation



Series: The Closer 'verse [2]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Adult Castiel (Supernatural), Age Difference, Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angry Sex, Begging, Blow Jobs, Bottom Dean, Cas stress smokes, Coming Out, Dad Cas, Dean Crying During Sex, Dean in speedos, Desperate Dean, Dirty Talk, Falling In Love, Fingering, Gay Dean, Hand Jobs, Idiots in Love, Intercrural Sex, Jack is Cas' son, John is a good dad in this one, M/M, Making Love, Masturbation, Misunderstandings, Open Ending, POV switch, Rimming, Rough Sex, Semi-Public Sex, Sex in a public restroom, Sexting, Sexual discoveries, Spit as a poor substitute for lube, Straight Cas, Student Dean, Swimmer Dean, Top Cas, Twink Dean, Unsafe Sex, accidental daddy kink, because he’s so desperate to come y’all, both as immature af okay?, but also safe sex, but falling in love is never easy, but then more sex, but you know they like it hehe, coming dry, especially not when you let your dick guide you amirite?, exploring the sexual spectrum, inappropriate sexual shenanigans, just a shitton of sex you guys, keeping secrets, motel sex, no more than usual hah, no weird dysfunctional families, sex at school, sexual tension like you wouldn’t believe, slightest bit of humor, teeny tiny bit of sad and angst, the secret is that they're fucking, time jumps, you know Cas won’t survive that
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-03
Updated: 2019-11-14
Packaged: 2020-11-22 16:57:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 7
Words: 43,766
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20877602
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zation/pseuds/zation
Summary: Dean and Cas both have to face the consequences of their one-night stand.Or,The one where neither Dean nor Cas can seem to stop, for better or for worse.





	1. You let me violate you

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so y’all left so many wonderful comments on the first installment of this series and my muse just wouldn’t leave me alone so here we are! Prepare for dirty, angry sex, with a pinch of _feelings_, Destiel-style XD  
You don’t need to read the first fic in the series if you don’t want to but I suggest you do, because this one starts about 1 second after the other one ended lol  
Also, if you’re iffy about consent because Cas is so much older and Dean is only 17, then please don’t read this. This is meant only for purely gratifying porn reasons and will not depict anything remotely realistic. Yes, Dean is underage and therefore cannot completely consent, but he’s also consenting a lot, if you catch my drift ;) you know yourself best! <333
> 
> As always, all my love and soul to my beta, BeeCas! And to you all, my dear readers!
> 
> (fic title and chapter titles are taken from Nine Inch Nails’ [Closer](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1tOaQsNa5Js) because mmm, secsi)

“Well, shit.”

Castiel honestly didn’t know what else to say. He had fucked a teenager, an _ underage _ teenager, and not only had he condemned his mortal soul if he ever believed in that, but he had also endangered the custody of his child. Who, for the record, _ was also an underage teenager and standing beside Dean right in this moment. _

“Aside from captain Ketch, Dean is one of our best swimmers,” Kevin Tran, the swim team member Jack had befriended over the summer, said with a bright smile. “Plus as co-captain he knows all the rules and stuff.”

“You,” damn, Castiel needed to check his goddamn voice. He turned to his son with a forced smile. “You sure you’re up for joining the swim team, Jack? It’s a lot of work.”

And it would put him in too close proximity to Dean. God, _ Dean_, the teen was still standing right next to him, fidgeting in a way that told Castiel the boy was also anxious about this outcome and no shit. He had lied straight to Castiel’s face, about his age and about him not being from town, he _ should _ be anxious about Castiel telling on him.

Except no wait, there was no way Castiel could expose the boy’s extracurricular activities to basically anyone without the risk of Dean also blabbing about Castiel violating him. Fucking him hard from behind, gripping that supple body, and talking filth until Dean came hard around Castiel’s dick…

Yeah, so there was no way Castiel was exposing Dean, why was the teen even worried about that? Maybe he hadn’t realized what leverage he actually had? Castiel shouldn’t remind him if that was the case, the point was in any case that this would _ never happen again_. They should talk just so that they could establish that they would never talk about it again. And maybe Castiel should encourage Jack not to join the team. The less Castiel saw of Dean and his stupidly plump lips the better.

And damn, Castiel was even straight so this wasn’t really a problem. He had just been upset over Meg leaving him. Yes, no need to fret over a repeat, if it so happened that Castiel _ had _ gotten a taste in men now then he could just go out and find a twink his own age. No—damnit!—he could find a _ manly man _ his own age. Yes, better.

“I haven’t decided yet,” Jack turned to Dean and Kevin with enthusiasm that Castiel usually adored. “It’s either that or baseball.”

“That’s pretty different,” Dean mumbled speculatively and Jack nodded.

“I know, I was leaning towards baseball but then Kevin and I met and he made swimming sound like so much fun.”

“Good job, Kev,” Dean said with a grin and it sounded like he really meant it. Castiel thought it was a good thing that what he had done to Dean’s sweet, sweet body didn’t mar how the boy viewed Castiel’s son because in the end Jack was after all the most important to Castiel.

Wait, sweet whatnow?

“Yes, so I would like to hear about the clubs. Activities and schedules and the like,” Castiel put in and Dean looked up to meet his eyes for the first time since they had shook hands and God…

Dean’s eyes shrouded over with something and he looked thoughtful for a moment. “Yeah…”

“But actually,” Castiel pressed out, barely able to stand the suddenly oppressing atmosphere a second longer. They _ needed _ to _ talk_. “Before that I think I need to facilitate the restroom.”

“God, dad,” Jack rolled his eyes and shared a grin with Kevin. “Just say you need to take a piss.”

“Manners,” Castiel snapped and saw how Dean jerked a little. Dear God, remembering how well Dean had responded to a little roughhousing was _ not _ a good idea right now…

“I’ll show you the way, I need to piss too,” the boy muttered and turned on his heel to start walking away. “And I guess we can talk about all the stuff you need to know too,” he looked over his shoulder, his eyes piercing. “_ Mr. Novak_.”

Castiel’s spine prickled. “Fine by me, _ Dean_.”

As soon as they were out of the big auditorium where the back-to-school meeting was held both of their demeanors changed and Dean set a brisk pace to a door Castiel instantly just _ knew _ wasn’t the men’s restroom.

And sure enough, it turned out that Dean had led Castiel to a shady janitorial closet and Castiel almost wanted to snort about the cliché but managed to hold back at the sight of Dean’s clearly displeased frown.

“What are you mad about?” he ground out as soon as the door was securely shut and the light turned on. “_I'm_the one who committed a felony. I could go to prison.”

Great job Castiel, admitting to the one leverage Dean had, and right off the bat too… Castiel sure made a lot of craptastic decisions when it came to Dean Winchester, apparently.

“Shut up,” Dean griped. “I ain’t too keen on people finding out either.”

“Why? Are you afraid of gay bashing?” Castiel softened somewhat when he looked at Dean’s slightly flushed cheeks and tightly drawn brow. “Are you? Afraid of getting bashed?”

“Not particularly,” Dean looked away but he held himself in such a way that made Castiel think the teen wasn’t actually sure. “But no one is supposed to know that I like getting fucked by older men, okay? I don’t think dad would hate me for being gay, I actually think he already knows, but you said it yourself; what we did was a crime. He would never let me leave the fucking house again.”

“You mean he would _ protect _you,” Castiel stated, tone frightfully haughty for some reason. “Like a reasonable parent would.”

“Like you?” Dean bit back with venom, getting up in Castiel’s face. “Are _ you _ a respectable parent, huh? I’m only two years older than Jack.”

Castiel’s hands shot out as if by their own violation, gripping Dean’s arms tightly. “That’s low,” he hissed, body heating up as Dean tensed in his hold, the air around them electric.

“It’s also true,” Dean argued, stepping closer. Castiel shifted his grip so it wasn’t so hard and Dean squinted at him. “You fucked me and now you’re scared I’m gonna tell on you.”

“Of course I am,” Castiel shot back, tone too loud and he lowered it, leaning closer instead. Dean of course smelled amazing, all natural and enticing. “I could lose everything. Why did you trick me like that?”

“Why did you come with me in the first place?”

Castiel chewed air for a moment, looking at Dean’s defiant face. “Because I was feeling lonely and rejected and you’re very beautiful, even for a man.”

Dean seemed taken aback by the honest answer and frankly so was Castiel himself too. “And you’re handsome as fuck and I wanted to feel good,” Dean’s answer was too straightforward but Castiel refused to be the pot calling the kettle black.

“Is that reason enough to trick someone like that?” he exclaimed, shaking his head in near defeat.

Dean’s biceps flexed under Castiel’s hands and he bent his head back, staring Castiel down but at the same time exposing that lovely neck of his. “For me it is, I love the taboo. And I know what the consequences are for the people I have sex with, that’s why I’m freaking the fuck out now.”

“Well,” that made Castiel feel better. The hair at the nape of his neck stood on end and he slid his hands up Dean’s arms. The teen leaned in a bit more. “That’s good to hear, thank you. And as long as we never do anything ever again it won’t be a problem in the future, right?”

“Right,” Dean murmured, his eyes hooded and voice low enough to make Castiel’s spine catch on fire. “It’s not like you got hooked on sex with guys anyway, right? You’re straight.”

“Sure am.”

“I mean, I guess you could be bi. Or, like, the spectrum is wide,” Dean’s voice was sultry now and Castiel’s body felt heavy. “No use labelling you.”

“That’s also true,” Castiel rumbled, watching with satisfaction how Dean shivered from the sound of his voice. “And the sex wasn’t _ that _good anyway.”

Dean’s eyes snapped open and he glared at Castiel, breaking the sudden tension. “It was the best you ever fucking had and you know it.”

“Oh really?” Castiel grabbed Dean’s flanks, kneading the muscles and making the boy’s knees buckle a little. Well, it wasn’t like he couldn’t catch Dean’s weight. “I don’t recall it being _ me _ who fucked myself on _ your _ cock.”

He honestly didn’t even know why he was rising to the challenge like this but there was just something about Dean that riled him up.

“You came so hard you saw stars, fucking admit it,” Dean growled, gripping Castiel’s shirt and hauling him closer. Their lips brushed when he spoke next. “You said it was the ‘single sexiest sex’ you’d ever had. Your words.”

Fuck, he had him there, Castiel definitely remembered admitting that. And why not? He had thought he wouldn’t ever meet the sexy stranger again, so why not admit he’d loved it? But now… he didn’t only feel dread at the thought of being exposed, he also felt wounded manly pride. He hadn’t been the only one to enjoy it, damnit!

“_You _ called it ‘hot as fuck’.”

“Well it was,” Dean smirked when his bold confession clearly threw Castiel off kilter. “Best fucking dicking I’ve had in a long time. Still doesn’t mean I came harder than you, _ stud_.”

Castiel’s patience snapped. He grabbed Dean and turned him around, pressing up against him like he had been on the bed in that motel room just days before. Dean’s breathing hitched and he rubbed his ass back against Castiel’s already hardening dick.

“Cheeky brat,” he rasped against Dean’s ear. Dean shuddered in his loose embrace and pressed back even more. “Maybe I should replicate the event just so you’ll see I’m right.”

Truth be told he was unsure what they were even arguing about. Right about what? He didn’t really know anymore, all he knew was that Dean was hastily undoing his jeans while pressing his head back against Castiel’s shoulder and glaring up at him.

“I ain’t calling you daddy.”

“Fine by me.”

It wasn’t like Castiel really wanted that anyway, what a silly notion. He truly didn’t know where that had come from last time, since he had never engaged in any kind of daddy play before, or even thought about it. Supposedly he had just been caught up in the moment and Dean’s twink body had stirred something primal in him. Too bad it turned out that he actually _ could _ be Dean’s dad…

A thought that would have been able to make Castiel’s dick wane if it hadn’t been for the fact that Dean was shoving his jeans down around his knees with one hand and groping around Castiel’s crotch with the other.

“Fucking get your dick out, old man,” he ground out, voice rough and thick with arousal.

Castiel was so hard he could hammer nails.

“You insolent little shit,” he gritted, ripping open his slacks and shoving down his underwear fast enough that his dick slapped Dean’s bare ass as it sprung free.

“Sh-shut up,” Dean gasped but his voice was tinged with less cheekiness now. Faced with dirty desires and Castiel’s wandering hands he sounded younger and more innocent. But no less aroused.

“Put your thighs together.”

He did it for the teen but Dean was pliant enough in Castiel’s hands that there was no concern in his mind regarding consent. Sure, he was at fault, still committing a fucking crime, but there was no doubt in his mind that Dean wanted this as well.

And in any case this wasn’t about sex. No, as he grabbed Dean’s hip in one hand and fisted Dean’s shirt over the boy’s chest with his other, he managed to convince himself pretty well that this was about proving a point. Fucking Dean’s thighs was just a way to mimic the act to make the boy _ understand_.

Dean had tricked him and he had gotten more than he had bargained for and that was that. Castiel was in control, he _ was_. At least of himself.

“Faster,” Dean panted in that moment and broke Castiel’s composure completely. “C’mon old man, fuck me like you mean it.”

Castiel bit the skin under Dean’s ear, making the boy keen and shove a hand over his mouth to try and stop his sounds from escaping.

“If you don’t keep quiet I’ll fuck you for real,” he growled, snaking his hand down to grab Dean’s dick.

The boy gasped sharply and leaned his free hand on the wall in front of him, shoving back into Castiel’s thrusts and fucking hell, it was so hot. Everything. Everything was hotter than the sun, the air in the closet, Dean’s body, Dean’s moans, Dean’s _ thighs around Castiel’s hard dick_. Dean’s own dick in Castiel’s hand.

God, Castiel had never thought he would be holding another man’s erect dick in his hand and somehow that was the best part of this whole thing, and the least weird. He got a strange and sudden urge to kiss Dean and was glad that the boy was turned away from him because this wasn’t sexy sex, this was _ proving a point_.

What that point was seemed to slip Castiel’s mind somewhat when Dean started fucking his hand.

“Fuck I’m so close, come on, I wanna come.”

“Is that so?” Castiel hissed in Dean’s ear, grip on the boy’s hip tightening as he rutted roughly against him. His own orgasm was teetering right on the edge but he wanted to savor this—no he wanted to drag it out because the point was… the point was that Dean was supposed to come first. Yes. That seemed logical. The person who came first was the… loser? But coming was nice, that wasn’t losing?

Dean threw his head back against Castiel’s shoulder and this was too reminiscent of their fucking in the motel room for Castiel’s dick to calm down. The heat was sharp and painful, his groin on fire. When Dean grabbed Castiel’s hair in his fist it almost threw Castiel over the edge.

“Do it harder,” he whined, mouth _ right there_. So close and so far away. “Come on, like you _ mean it_.”

The taunting made Castiel grit his teeth and he slowed down his hand on Dean’s dick, circling the swollen head with his index finger and thumb. Dean _ mewled _ and tried to hide his face against Castiel’s neck.

“You’re awfully demanding for someone in your position,” he rumbled, slowing his hips to a grind. His dick was aching and so fucking ready to burst but there was something about having Dean squirming in his arms that made it so worth it.

“Fuck, come _ on_.”

“Maybe if you say I’m the best you ever had.”

Dean was trying to fuck Castiel’s hand again, humping back to get Castiel’s dick to bump against his taint and balls. But Castiel was steadfastly holding back, grinding slowly and only touching around Dean’s dickhead, rubbing a slow circle.

“Shit, it _ was _ good, okay?”

Castiel was starting to like how Dean sounded when he was all desperate. Breathless and whiny. “But it’s not good now?”

“Fucking _ please_,” Dean thrashed against him and Castiel chuckled, low and dirty and right in the boy’s ear, before shoving him up against the wall. Dean’s whole body jolted and Castiel could feel his dick swelling, ready to pop soon. “Please let me come.”

“Say it,” Castiel was a bit unsure himself what he wanted Dean to say specifically. That he was good at sex? That he was better than Dean? Was it really a competition?

“Please, it hurts. I wanna—I _ need _ to…” Dean cut himself off with a deep moan when Castiel squeezed his dick for a second. “Cas, come on, come on _ please_.”

“Say it, little one,” yeah, Castiel didn’t know exactly what he wanted to hear but he knew that he had never been this turned on in his life. Dean was crying and begging and it was the hottest fucking thing he had ever experienced _ ever _. “You’re so sexy,” he rasped and Dean’s body jolted again, locking up in preparation for the release Castiel was denying him. “Going to make me come so soon. Come on, say it, be a good boy for me.”

Dean gasped, hands tightening on Castiel’s body. “Please let me come, daddy,” he cried out, orgasm surging through him a second later.

Castiel choked on an incoming breath and barely had the presence of mind to help the boy through it. He jerked him off and Dean keened, bucking into the thrusting when Castiel started again. His hand was drenched in Dean’s come so it was a no-brainer to pull away and use the same hand to catch his own come when he moments later tumbled over the edge with an undignified spasm and grunt.

They stood stock still for a moment, Dean still pressed up against the wall and Castiel with one hand around the teen, half-hugging him, and the other hand around his softening dick. The moment stretched on as Castiel struggled to catch his breath, watching a deep blush rise on the back of Dean’s neck.

“Did you just call me—?”

“Shut up,” Dean snapped, pushing Castiel off him and stepping away. Or, stumbling, more accurately. He bumped his shoulder against the wall and ended up with his back leaned against it as he pulled up his jeans with shaky hands. “This proves nothing.”

“I wasn’t saying that it did.”

Dean looked up, his eyes sharp, the gaze cutting enough to make Castiel’s insides gooey. “You’re still just an old man.”

Castiel winced at the jab and turned to try and find something to wipe his hand on. “Insult me all you want, I’m not the one crying daddy as I come from a hand-job.”

He found several rolls of paper and stole a wad of them without remorse as Dean spluttered for a moment.

“Whatever,” he eventually ground out and he was squinting hard when Castiel looked at him. “It’s not like this is gonna turn into a thing anyway.”

“What do you mean by that? And why _ would _ this become a thing?” Castiel was genuinely confused and even more so when Dean’s whole face flushed with a new blush.

“I’m sayin’ it won’t!” he snapped and then winced, glancing at the door. “You better fucking hope no one heard us.”

Castiel wanted to smack himself for forgetting where they were. What if someone _ had _ heard? His greatest fears were materializing before his eyes…

And yet he couldn’t tear them away from Dean’s sullen face. “I don’t know what you’re talking about, _ you _ were the one begging daddy to let you come.”

“Fucking _shut up_,” Dean hissed, getting right up in Castiel’s face and Castiel’s breath hitched at the proximity. The boy’s mind seemed to similarly stall because he paused, kind of just looking at Castiel for a moment before averting his eyes. “The _point_ _is_ that neither of us want people to know, right? So let’s make sure no one will.”

“That sounds smart,” Castiel mumbled, still a bit overcome by Dean’s closeness, especially since the boy hadn’t stepped back. He smelled very good, even more so now right after sex. “So let’s never meet again, let alone talk. I don’t actually want this to stand in the way of Jack being on the swim team but… If he starts talking about the baseball team again I’ll try to encourage that more.”

“Good,” Dean glared at him, eyes way too fiery for Castiel’s dick not to take an interest even though he so recently came his brains out. “Then this is it.”

“Yes.”

“No more of this,” Dean gestured between them.

“That’s right.”

“Good.”

Castiel’s hand twitched but he forced himself not to touch Dean again. “Great.”

Dean was the first to leave and Castiel counted backwards from 50 to try and calm down and then he went to the restroom to clean his hand more properly. When he eventually got back to the auditorium Jack seemed confused about Castiel’s long absence but he didn’t mention Dean so everything seemed to be in order.

For now.

*****

**Tuesday**

Dean climbed out of the pool, wiping water from his face and whipping off his swimming goggles with a sigh. Channeling all his sexual frustration into his training was going _ great _ , time just _ flew _ by and—looking at the clock on the wall he saw that it had only been twenty minutes.

“What the fuck?” he sighed again, harder now.

Fuck Cas and his fucking fucked up fucking… Dean closed his eyes and drew a deep breath. _ Why _ was this even happening to him? Clearly it was punishment for tricking his poor dad every weekend. “I’m going out with [insert random friend’s name], I’m taking the car, later!” was what he usually said. And dad, like the poor shmuck he was, believed him. Dean suspected that Sam, his little brother, had caught on but that was fine. Sam was manageable; dad would be a pain.

Because the thing was, dad was a good dad. He loved his sons and he would never want them to get hurt. And while Dean was pretty damn sure dad would be all understanding about Dean being gay he was also sure his old man would be less understanding if he found out that Dean liked to fuck, well, _ old men_. He would probably go all protective and bullshit and try to keep Dean from going to Benny’s bar to hook up ever again. Well, until Dean turned 18, he supposed, but that was like 6 months from now and Dean was addicted to getting fat cocks in his ass by now. No way was he giving that up just because dad would go medieval on the poor dudes who dared touch his son after said son specifically begged for it.

Dean caught himself, squinting off into space. He wasn’t _ begging _ for it. Fuck Cas for saying that, and for _ not admitting that Dean was the best he had ever had_.

Or rather, for not admitting he had already said that. Cas was just being an asshole and fuck him, he wasn’t even that good anyway. Dean gritted his teeth every time he recalled their _ tryst _ in the school janitor closet. It wasn’t like he had really called Cas daddy, _ one _ time didn’t count.

Dean was just sexually frustrated, and maybe confused because unlike Cas, he could admit that what they had done in the motel room last Friday had been top five of his experiences so when he suddenly met the man again he was thrown for a bit of a loop. Granted, that had partially been his fault, he was usually smoother when picking up the guys, like asking what they did for a living and stuff like that. That way he could often gauge if they were from around here or not and he usually didn’t go for people who felt too close to home for comfort.

Because he _ didn’t want to risk meeting them later_.

Yeah, he knew he technically had the upper hand because he could just scream statutory rape and he would probably get off scot free. But that was such an insensitive and _ mean _ thing to do in his case that he couldn’t even fathom doing it. No, if this came out he would have to take the heat and since he didn’t want to do that then yeah, not many options but to keep to the loners and truckers.

And then Cas came along. So fucking handsome that Dean just threw all of his rules out the window, caution to the wind, and every other dumb idiom. He wanted that man and fuck, Cas could have been a serial killer and Dean would probably still have wanted him.

“So fucking stupid,” he muttered to himself and started to put on his swimming goggles again. He supposed he would just go to Benny’s this Friday too, to fuck Cas out of his system. Get a hot guy, one the least resembling Cas, to do him hard and that would be that.

“What are you doing, Winchester? It’s not time for a break yet, hustle up.”

Dean’s whole body jerked when Victor Henriksen, fellow senior and swim team member walked by and slapped him on his ass. Arousal shot through him so fast it almost choked him and he wasn’t even normally attracted to Victor. Fucking Friday couldn’t come fast enough.

“What took you so long?”

Castiel looked down at Meg with a surly frown. “What do you want?”

She sighed dramatically and pushed him to the side, entering their—his house without invitation. “Were you fapping?”

He balked, and not only because he had seriously been considering doing just that before she had knocked on the door. “Jack is home.”

“So what?” she snorted, turning to him in the hall. “Like that stopped us before.”

Castiel wanted to keep arguing. Yes, they had had a lot of sex with the boy home, of course they had. He was grown, had been five when she entered their lives, but all of that had been while he had been asleep. Now, however, it was still early evening and Jack was most definitely up, hopefully doing his homework although Castiel supposed that closed bedroom door and loud music could mean anything. Whatever, he wasn’t the kind of parent who needed to be told to knock on a teenage boy’s door.

“Meg,” he sighed and crossed his arms. “What is it you want?”

“My stuff.”

“I told you, I’m still sorting through it. You have what we decided to split already and I’ll buy your half of the rest when my next paycheck comes.”

She rolled her eyes, something Dean had done too but that hadn’t bothered Castiel half as much. Great… why was he thinking about Dean right now? Why did _ everything _ remind him of the cheeky brat?

“I’m not talking about that, just a few things I know I forgot in our closet when I cleared out my clothes.”

Castiel wanted to be catty and correct it to “_my _ closet” but he didn’t because that just seemed unnecessary. Yes she had hurt him, a lot, but there was no need to make this even more painful. He just let her do her business and pretended that he wasn’t hurt when she didn’t even stop to say something to Jack. Could have just greeted him, she had almost been like a mother for two thirds of his life, just saying.

After she had left again he felt raw and used and he hated the feeling. He considered calling Balthazar, his closest friend who nowadays lived in New York, but decided against it. He knew what he really wanted; what had helped the last time he felt like this, and he also knew thoughts like that were not only ridiculous but also dangerous.

Instead he went to clean the garage, intent on getting finished with dividing ten years of his and Meg’s life together.

**Wednesday**

Castiel was grateful for his Aviators when he couldn’t help but stare at the woman’s butt as she sashayed past him. He was sitting at a café, outside in the warm sun and trying to enjoy a coffee before Jack came home from school and Castiel would have to go home and pretend to be okay for his son’s sake.

Scratch that, he _ was _ okay, he was just enjoying some time outside before he had to go home and make dinner. Yes, that was more accurate.

The woman stopped to look at a store window right next to the café but Castiel saw her glancing in his direction. He pointedly didn’t look at her, not even covertly, because he wasn’t really interested and didn’t want to encourage her. He kind of hated himself but his eyes had been drawn to her ass only because he was trying to convince himself it was better than Dean’s. Something he was failing hard at.

It was ridiculous and Castiel was pathetic. Thank God Jack had been talking about baseball the whole evening yesterday, hopefully his son would make the decision that would put Castiel off the path of damnation without Castiel even having to do anything about it.

Just the thought of Dean in tight little speedos had Castiel snapping his head around, searching for the woman but she had apparently lost interest and walked away. Something Castiel should do too, God knew Dean probably had. It wasn’t like Castiel had been _ that _ good anyway, he was realizing that now. Hell, that had even been his first time with a man and he hadn’t even given Dean a reach-around and the second time in the closet he had just been mean and goading. Yeah, he was sure Dean was long over fucking Castiel’s pathetic ass anyway and he should get over it too.

Too bad his dick was being a massive _ dick _ about the whole thing, though…

Dean gritted his teeth, throwing his dildo to the side. Well that fucking tanked, good grievance he just wanted to _ get off_. His dick was still hard as a rock and his hole was twitching and pleasantly loose but damn, there was only so much abuse his prostate could take without him coming before it just got painful.

He huffed and started stroking his dick slowly, closing his eyes and turning to his favorite fantasy. Two random dudes, _ no specific faces_, both servicing Dean. One rimming him and one sucking him. Or kissing him. Okay, maybe there could be three dudes this time, that was fine too. They were all there for him, all hard and handsome.

Big strong hands, straight white teeth. Sharp jaws, stubble, yeah that was hot. Some five-o-clock shade that could scratch Dean’s inner thighs as the guy went down on him. Oh and long fingers too. Long and clever and fuck, there was his prostate again.

Dean moaned a little without meaning to. When he was doing this is the shower he was usually less reserved in a vain hope that the sound of the running water would overshadow his needy whimpers but in his bedroom in the dead of night he better be fucking careful. Sure, dad’s bedroom was on the other end of the house but Dean shared a wall with Sammy and he hated the bitchfaces his 13-year-old brother threw him when Dean had happened to get too loud.

He bit his lower lip and arched his back as he started slowly fucking himself on two of his fingers. Without really thinking about it he circled the head of his swollen dick with his index finger and thumb, kind of just rubbing there. The stimulation was so immediate he gasped sharply.

Suddenly almost an hour of frustrated masturbation caught up to him and his eyes flew open as he came hard over his stomach and chest, some even spluttering up on his throat.

“Fucking hell, Cas,” he grunted and immediately regretted it. Damn that old man for… for… well fuck it, just _ damn him_.

**Thursday**

Dean was so on edge that he was seriously considering taking Dick Roman up on his offer. Granted, the douche had probably not even been sincere when he had told Dean to suck his cock and Dean was kind of disgusted by Dick’s smirk in general but there was no denying the boy was handsome.

“What’s up with you lately?” Charlie, Dean’s best friend, asked worriedly when Dean seriously couldn’t stop staring at the janitor.

He wasn’t lusting after old man Turner, don’t be stupid, but seeing the janitor reminded Dean of what he and Cas had done in the closet on Monday and his body wouldn’t calm down. He would throttle dad if he told Dean he couldn’t take the car tomorrow.

“Nothing,” he muttered, slamming his locker shut only to realize the second after that he hadn’t actually gotten the books he needed for the next class. “Fuck it, I’m horny.”

Charlie made a peep and then started laughing. “I knew it was _ something_.”

Dean wasn’t even sorry. “I need to get laid, like yesterday,” he muttered, fiddling with the lock to open his locker again. “I’m going out tomorrow again, can I use you as the excuse?”

“Sure,” Charlie grinned. “Are you ever gonna tell me about this watering hole of yours, though?”

She knew he went out almost every weekend but she didn’t know where. She also knew why he went out but she didn’t know the details and Dean would rather it stayed like that, especially considering the legality of it all.

“Maybe when we graduate,” he simpered when she rolled her eyes.

“I just keep thinking that it must be a smoking hot place for hook-ups if you keep coming back and you’re not the only one interested in getting some,” she tried to wriggle her eyebrows like he usually did and ended up looking so cross-eyed that it made him laugh.

“Don’t sprain yourself.”

“Or maybe it’s not _ that _ good,” she teased just as he closed his locker again, this time with the appropriate books in hand. “Considering you went out last weekend but you’re already fired up enough to ogle poor Mr. Turner.”

He hissed at her but thankfully the janitor had already left the hallway they were in. “It’s good, alright?”

“So you struck out?”

Dean squinted at the obvious glee on her face. “Okay, can I tell you something? Just…” fuck it, maybe talking might be a good idea anyway. “Don’t judge.”

She snorted. “When have I ever?”

_ “True,” _ Dean thought with fondness. “I met someone last Friday and he was the hottest fuck I’ve had in… I dunno, maybe ever.”

She raised her eyebrows, whistling lowly. “That’s great.”

“Yeah, except it’s not. We met again, by accident, and he freaked out.”

“Why?”

Dean didn’t want to say too much but he had to say something now. “He’s a little older, and he wasn’t happy I’m still in high school.”

“You didn’t tell him?” thankfully Charlie seemed more amused than disapproving. She was always the best like that. “I can see why that’s upsetting to him.”

“Yeah, so we decided that it’s not gonna be a problem because we’re not meeting again anyway.”

She whistled again, this time with realization and Dean started nodding even before she had finished talking. “But you want more.”

“He was _ so good_,” Dean groaned, thumping his forehead against his locker. “But he’s also kinda an ass. Or, I mean not really, but he… fuck, he got under my skin and I was a brat and he called me out on it and that just made it even hotter and now I can’t even…”

Charlie patted him comfortingly on his shoulder. “Maybe you could go out and fuck him out of your system—oh, that’s what you’re gonna do tomorrow.”

“Yeah,” Dean mumbled, feeling doubly pathetic with his own hope repeated back to him in Charlie’s soothing tone. “It’s totally gonna work, right?”

Charlie’s close-lipped smile told Dean everything he needed to know. “Totally.”

Castiel was seriously considering taking up smoking again. He hadn’t smoked since before Jack was born and then for a while again when his son was three and Castiel’s wife, Jack’s mother, Kelly died after a short battle with cancer. But that had only lasted for a while before he realized he was the only parent Jack had left in the world now. Fuck that time had been hard.

And this… this was nowhere close to that but somehow it was even more difficult.

Because Jack was rapidly growing up and despite the hardships of life he was growing into a proper young man, very much capable of taking care of himself. A fact that left Castiel with too much free time on his hands. Fuck Meg for leaving him _ now_, now that he finally had the time to pamper her like she had always nagged him to do.

Now he had all this excess energy and nowhere to spend it. Well, nowhere productive. He wouldn’t call desperate jerk-off sessions while pointedly _ not _ thinking about one Dean Winchester productive. Especially not for someone his age, fucking hell…

“Dad?”

Castiel almost jerked, so immersed in his thoughts that he hadn’t heard his son coming into the living room.

“What’s up, bug?”

It almost looked like Jack had a seizure when he obviously had to hold back from rolling his eyes. Yes, yes, Castiel knew his son was way too old for cute nicknames but damnit, he was also Castiel’s little baby and he would call him bug until the boy told him upfront to stop. Sometimes Castiel got the feeling Jack was indulging him, especially now after Meg’s upheaval and he readily accepted the coddling.

“Two things,” he came to sit on the couch too, pulling up his legs and facing Castiel. “I have decided on the baseball team.”

Castiel almost wanted to weep with joy. “Only if you’re sure.”

Jack smiled. “Yeah, I mean, I don’t even know what I was thinking. Swimming is not for me, though it did sound like fun. But nah, I already have friends who’re joining the baseball team and I know you can help me with practice. It just seems like the better choice.”

Praise the fucking Lord, that was one weight off Castiel’s shoulders. But, and this was important, Jack’s happiness had to come first.

“I suppose you could do both if you really wanted to?”

Jack scrunched up his nose. “I thought about that too but I don’t have that much energy, I think. Better just have one club activity and then put the rest of my time to studies and friends.”

“That’s very responsible of you,” Castiel said with a small smile, feeling very proud over his smart boy.

“Thanks,” Jack positively beamed at him. “I’ll talk to the coach tomorrow and get the forms and stuff. And, um,” he leaned back against the couch. “Speaking of friends, I know I spent last weekend with grandma and grandpa but can I stay over at Alfie’s tomorrow?”

Alfie was Jack’s best friend.

“Like a sleep-over?”

This time Jack really did roll his eyes and okay, maybe it wasn’t called “sleep-over” when it was two fifteen-year-old boys but Castiel didn’t know what else it could be called.

“We’re playing Counter-Strike.”

“But just to clarify, you want to spend the night?”

Jack huffed out a smile and pulled up his knees to hug them. “Yeah, is that alright? I mean, I wasn’t here last weekend either and…”

“Jack,” Castiel smiled and put a hand on his son’s knee. “Just because Meg and I broke up doesn’t mean it’s your job to keep me company. You went to your grandparents because you wanted to and if you want to spend this weekend with Alfie that’s fine too.”

“Okay,” Jack mumbled. “I just don’t want you to be lonely.”

“I’ll be fine,” Castiel stated reassuringly. “You go and have fun with your friend and I’ll catch up on all those TV-shows Meg didn’t want me to watch because they were ‘too lame’.”

Jack laughed, obviously at Castiel’s use of air quotes, and like always the sound made Castiel smile. He was happy that his son was happy and if he would be sleeping over at Alfie’s place then that would mean Castiel would be left to brood in peace.

Hell, he could even with good conscience go out and maybe find a partner that would take his mind off Dean. Clearly he needed it since he was thinking more about the feisty teenager than he was thinking about his ex-girlfriend of ten years. His thoughts were obviously jumbled and he needed a distraction, just like he had thought he did that first time when he went out and picked up Dean.

**Friday**

Dean entered the bar full of bluster and expectations of a fucking _ great _ evening. Maybe he would suck a dude off in the bathroom, maybe he would let someone finger him in his car. The possibilities seemed endless and joyous.

What he _ didn’t _ expect was to be met by Cas at the bar. Well fuck, he wasn’t _ met _ by Cas, rather the man was already there, leaned against the bar as he nursed a beer. But he immediately spotted Dean and he froze in place same as Dean.

“Are you fucking _ kidding _ me?” Dean snapped and Cas’ eyes darkened instantly.

He pushed off the bar and grabbed Dean’s upper arm before he could even register what the fuck was happening, hauling him out of the bar without a word.


	2. You can have my absence of faith

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean doesn’t beg for it, he _doesn’t_.
> 
> Or,
> 
> The one where Dean begs for it.

Dean crossed his arms over his chest as soon as they were alone in the motel room. Cas paced a few steps ahead, turned around to look at Dean, mouth open as if he was about to say something. And then he turned around to pace some more.

Dean sighed and went to lock the door because whatever the fuck this was, it was bound to be private.

“I see you took me to the same room? How romantic of you.”

“I…” Cas stopped to squint around the room and Dean took a moment to appreciate the fact that Cas really was unfairly handsome. And don’t think Dean’s dick didn’t notice the same, just because he was blinded from being trapped in Dean’s most form-fitting jeans. “I didn’t notice.”

Dean rolled his eyes. “Sure you didn’t. And you didn’t take me here to fuck me again, either.”

Actually Dean was starting to hope that he had. The past few days had been hard, but not harder than Dean’s insistent dick. Didn’t mean he would up and ask for a dicking, though. Not this time around.

Cas squinted so hard at him it looked like he was about to burst a blood vessel. Dean wanted to quip about that being a real possibility since Cas was like 100 but said nothing because that intense stare was _doing_ things to his body.

“_Actually_,” Cas started, his tone icy. “I took you here to stop you from tricking anyone else into something illegal.”

Dean huffed. Fucking figures. “Could’ve taken me home, then.”

“Yes, that would have looked splendid, wouldn’t it?” Cas drawled and Dean got the weird impression that the man had tried to protect Dean. From older dudes raping him and from dad finding out about Dean’s _inclinations_.

But most probably he had just been trying to protect other men from Dean’s jailbait ass.

“In any case this ain’t working for me,” Dean spat, turning on his heel, intent on stalking out of the room even if he wouldn’t get far considering Cas had been the one to drive this time. “You can’t cockblock me on every goddamn level, I need at least _one_ outlet.”

“Cockblock,” Cas spluttered and Dean turned back to him with a wicked grin. “I’m just asking you not to sleep with older men. You could get hurt and they could go to jail, it’s not fair to anyone.”

“Well this ain’t fair to me either.”

“Look,” Cas sighed and put his hands on his hips. Big fucking hands on narrow goddamn hips and was he _trying_ to call attention to his crotch? He was big enough that he had a bulge even when he was soft, Dean noticed with an abnormal amount of interest. “I get it that you’re a hormone ridden teenager, I’m definitely not preaching abstinence. But there has to be another teenager you could… you know.”

Dean wanted to be an insufferable asshole and suggest Jack because Lord knew that boy was handsome enough but Dean wasn’t really _that_ kind of an ass. Still an ass enough to saunter up to Cas, though, right into his personal space before the man could react.

“What if none of them are man enough for me, hm?” he asked huskily, grin tugging at his lips. He licked them for good measure. “What if I need something _more_? Someone big and strong, someone,” he looked up and down Cas’ body, eyes smoldering. “_Experienced_.”

Cas looked like he was seconds away from snapping. Dean was already hard in his jeans and he thought the other man’s bulge definitely had grown.

“You should be careful what you ask for.”

Several days of frustration was quickly catching up with Dean. “Should I? Who said I was talking about you?” he breathed, grin widening. “You were a gay virgin before me, an _anal_ virgin, if I remember correctly. What would _you_ have to show me?”

Cas’ hand shot up to grab Dean’s chin, tilting his head up, and Dean drew a sharp gasp.

“Don’t underestimate me, _boy_,” he growled and Dean’s whole body sagged when arousal crashed over him.

“All bark and no bite,” he managed to press out, his voice a hoarse whisper, and he nearly whined when Cas narrowed his eyes.

It was definitely Cas who pulled Dean closer to kiss him but it was Dean who opened up as soon as they touched. He moaned loudly, unabashedly, and wrapped his arms around Cas’ neck. The older man didn’t hesitate in the least, he just put his big man paws on Dean’s body and hitched him up his own body.

Dean had no doubt in his mind that Cas was able to feel his hard dick but he didn’t care in the least. He eagerly surged for some gratifying friction, body happy to have the object of his pent-up frustration so close. Cas’ hands on Dean’s ass felt like fucking heaven and Dean was quick to turn his head so that their kisses could deepen even more, tongues curling enticingly.

“Is this what you want, little one?” Cas groaned when they broke apart to pant for air. “Want me dragged down to damnation because of your sweet sounds and supple body, is that it?”

Dean’s toes curled in his boots, the pleasure sharp and addictive. “That’s nowhere near enough, old man,” he grunted, not one to give up so easily.

Cas snarled and twirled them around, walking Dean up to the bed. “Get naked,” he ordered, eyes dark and voice gravelly enough to make Dean shiver from desire. “This time, _I_ will be the one to prepare you.”

Dean bit his lower lip to suppress any pitiful moaning and started shucking off his clothes left and right. Cas was standing at the foot of the bed, watching Dean with dark eyes as he undressed slowly and it was getting to Dean’s head. Felt like fire raking up and down his body when Cas swept his eyes over him. Cas was looking altogether too calm and Dean wanted to hate it and he sure as fuck would pretend to, but the truth was that it turned him on _so much_.

The first time they were in this motel room Cas had been gentle but he had turned kind of savage as soon as he was inside Dean and Dean had liked that change in the man. This time Cas was a controlled beast right from the get-go, just like he had been when he had goaded Dean in that damn janitor closet, and Dean would be caught dead admitting it but this side of Cas was hot as fuck.

He fumbled with his jeans, trying to get the lube and condom out of his back pocket before tossing all his clothes over the edge of the bed. He deposited the supplies on the bed and moved to turn over to his stomach but was stopped when Cas put a warm hand on his hip and held him still.

“No you don’t,” he rumbled, flipping Dean back, easy as that. “I want to watch you when you come undone by my hands.”

Dean was already fucking undone being all naked and spread out on the bed as a still half-clad Cas kneeled over him but whatever. Didn’t need to fucking tell _him_ that. His bobbing dick and labored breathing did enough talking, not to mention the flush Dean could feel creeping up his body as Cas looked him over again.

“It’s easier, if I have my ass in the air,” he mumbled, watching Cas’ mouth twitch.

“Not that I wouldn’t love to see that, your ass is delectable,” Cas rose to kneel between Dean’s spread legs, shrugging out of his shirt. “But tonight it’s your face I’m interested in.”

“What, gonna face-fuck me?”

Cas was over him in an instant, hand squeezing Dean’s cheeks so that his mouth puckered. “I’m going to fuck that attitude out of you, little boy.”

“I wanna see you try, old man,” Dean squawked.

Cas’ angry hiss told Dean he was about to get fucked up and he loved it so much his dick blurted out a string of gooey precome. Cas somehow noticed and looked down, smirking with one eyebrow raised, which of course only made it worse for Dean.

He wanted to squirm and preen and he wanted to smack Cas in his fucking face. Stupid old man being all cocky just because Dean was into this shit. Well, supposedly he had a little something to actually _be_ proud of since Dean apparently was unable to get the man out of his head. But it wasn’t like Dean was about to tell him _that_.

The little lube package made a slapping sound as it hit Cas in his perfect fucking chest.

“Make it count,” Dean ground out, pulling up his legs to show off his hole.

Cas just pursed his lips but got to work anyway. With one hand he rolled Dean’s hips up and why the fuck did his hands have to be so fucking big anyway? Dean’s stomach muscles cramped as a wave of arousal crashed over him but instead of squeezing his dick he went to pinch his own nipples instead. Not that that would do much to stave off his imminent orgasm but it was distracting enough for a moment.

Cas of course smeared the lube all over Dean’s ass and Dean hissed at the coldness. Could’ve taken a moment to warm it up in his hand before he opened the package, but no of course not. Cas just looked at him, lips quirked and eyes dark, and Dean felt delicate and desired.

Cas pulled out as soon as he had pushed one finger in, almost as if he didn’t expect it to go so easily and Dean wanted to quip about the man’s inexperience, but he was wholly unable to think at this point. The hand Cas had clamped down on the back of Dean’s left thigh squeezed him tighter and then his ass was once again full of one of Cas’ long fingers.

Dean threw his head back, clenching his teeth against an embarrassing sound and tried to focus on Cas’ panting. His blood was rushing in his ears and it was _loud_ but he could hear Cas nevertheless and he felt a rush knowing he was affecting the man this much. A _straight_ man was fucking loosing his shit just from fingering Dean’s ass. Yeah, that was right, Dean was the fucking ace here.

“Now…” he swallowed hard, grinning maniacally up at Cas. “Now who’s coming undone, huh?”

Cas’ eye snapped up to Dean’s and oh shit…

“We’ve only just started,” Cas rumbled and straightened to tower over Dean, bending him even more, trapping him under Cas’ body. “If you have any critique you’re free to give it.”

“You’re a little slo—oh _fuck_!”

Dean’s whole body jolted when Cas unexpectedly plunged two fingers inside, keeping them as far in as they reached, and just massaged Dean’s insides.

“I didn’t hear you?”

“Fuck you.”

Cas narrowed his eyes, jaw squared. “No, Dean,” he pulled out his fingers, only to scissor them right back in. “Fuck _you_.”

Dean gasped and moaned, quickly becoming a drooling mess as Cas kept up his relentless assault. He felt as if his insides were on fire, his dick pressed up against his own flat stomach and leaking, red and so hard it hurt. Cas’ hand occasionally bumped against Dean’s full balls and it just made the fire flare hotter.

He thrashed, not trying to get away but to get _closer_. He was so hot and yet all the places Cas _wasn’t_ touching felt cold and alone. He wanted to reach up and hug the man, wanted to kiss him, but Cas stubbornly kept out of reach, mouth set in a hard line, and Dean refused to lose. Whatever this was that they were doing, he _wasn’t going to lose_.

“So animated,” Cas remarked suddenly, his voice tantalizingly tight and Dean huffed out a big breath. “Can you take much more, little one?”

“I can—ah, fuck—whatever you have ol–old man, I can…” he squeezed his eyes shut, moaning loudly when Cas pressed hard against his prostate for the first time.

It was kind of inevitable for the older man not to have brushed it before this but he hadn’t actually actively _found_ it before. Not until now. Not until Dean had been stupid enough to reveal its location by moaning like a little bitch.

But fuck, it just felt _so good_.

“Ah,” Cas mumbled, too fucking stoically. “There we go.”

He pulled out, rustled around and holy shit that was cold fucking lube. Apparently he hadn’t used all at once and now applied more. Dean hissed up at him and Cas just tutted. He shuffled closer. Pressing his strong thighs against Dean’s body and letting the younger man feel his hard erection. Dean moaned again at the feeling of it, body lighting up with the knowledge that Cas was _this_ aroused. And all because of him. Yeah, the validation almost felt better than anything else.

“Play with your nipples again.”

Dean wasn’t even aware that he had stopped but now he noticed that he had his hands clenched around the sheets.

“Don’t fuckin’ order me around,” he growled but it came out all whiny and breathless. Fucking shit.

Cas grinned down at him when Dean put his fingers back to work pinching his hard nipples. The pleasure that shot through him was almost enough to get him off, and Cas didn’t make it any easier when he decided to use that moment to press three fingers into Dean’s ass. He bucked down harshly, crying out in pleasure as his dick jerked, adding more precome to the growing pool on his stomach.

Cas was relentless then, fingers gliding smoothly and quickly, scissoring, crooking, and always with that damn prostate. He was obviously proud he had found it and he wouldn’t let up. Dean was quickly becoming a hiccupping mess and he reached for the older man without even thinking about it.

“Cas,” he moaned, his words garbled. “Please, it’s enough.”

He could feel it building in him as Cas just leaned down over him, looking right at Dean’s face as he kept up his fingering. Dean felt as if he was melting, his mind a fucking mess and his body shuddering under the onslaught of pleasure. It was too much, it was too little. He didn’t want Cas’ fingers, wanted the man’s thick cock pounding into him.

Too late did he realize he was saying all of that out loud.

“You’re doing so well, little one,” Cas rumbled in a strangled voice, clearly affected as well.

“Cas, I can’t, I can’t anymore, I–I,” his insides were burning up, they were melting, he was cold, he was warm. “I gotta, Cas—I’m _gonna_.”

Cas just shushed him and pressed his fingers up against Dean’s prostate and left them there. Started grinding slowly.

“Show me,” he demanded softly. “_Show_ me.”

Dean didn’t know what Cas wanted but he knew he was coming. Oh God, it was coming, he could feel it surging through his body, faster and faster as Cas kept pressing on his prostate. Kept looking at him with those fucking eyes.

“Can… Can’t…”

“Relax, sweet boy,” Cas hushed and Dean couldn’t hold it any longer, okay?

He curled up into a little ball, whole body jerking and his dick slapping against his stomach as he came but _nothing came out_. He let out a little cry of dismay when he felt his orgasm abate for now but without the usual wetness or sense of completion. And he could still feel it too, the pressure and the heat in his body. It wasn’t gone, it was just… calmed for the moment.

He shuddered when Cas pulled out of him, sitting back. And when he looked up at the man with big eyes, Cas smiled kindly down at him.

“Cas, what?” Dean had never felt so abandoned before.

“You orgasmed dry, like a good boy.”

Dean started shaking and he couldn’t keep tears from his eyes. “Cas,” he blubbered, reaching for the man, scratching his arm when he couldn’t get a good hold. “Cas, I–I need,” he didn’t know what. All he knew was that he was still on the verge of coming, still so fucking wound up, and Cas was right _there_ but he wasn’t inside Dean and it was eating him up.

“Hey now,” Cas mumbled, suddenly looking spooked and yeah that served him right.

Dean shivered and bucked, moaning for the man as Cas spread out on top of him. “Cas I can’t take it, I want, I need—you can’t _leave_ me, I…”

He moaned wantonly when Cas sealed their lips together and he was pliant in the older man’s hands, letting Cas move Dean’s body as he pleased, getting them in position. Dean’s dick brushed against Cas’ stomach and he humped up against him, feeling his toes curl and fucking blubbering some more about it. Useless nonsense that Cas just hushed.

“I’m here, little one,” he mumbled sweetly, carding a hand through Dean’s hair, cradling the back of his head as he put the blunt head of his dick against Dean’s ass. “Daddy’s here, I’ll take care of you.”

Dean breathed out as soon as Cas pushed inside. His body relaxed and he mewled against Cas’ lips, hugging the man with both arms and legs, keeping him so close Cas could barely move. Cas didn’t complain, though. He just rutted slowly into Dean’s body, grinding them together as he kept kissing Dean.

It was so good, so fucking fulfilling. Dean kept moaning, singing praise he wasn’t even aware of, and Cas licked and nipped his neck, kissing him and holding him tightly as the grinding increased. Their pace got more and more intense, neither of them able to calm down so close to the end.

Dean was, unsurprisingly, the first one to fall over the edge and he did so with a shout, fisting Cas’ hair and jerking under him. Cas grunted and stilled almost completely, letting Dean’s body pull the orgasm out of him and it was only when he came that Dean realized Cas had somehow managed to put on a condom. Also realized how much he fucking hated that, though he supposed it was for the best anyway.

They lay in each other’s arms probably longer than was appropriate considering they weren’t fucking lovers, and as Dean slowly came back to himself he started feeling awkward as hell about how he had acted. And Cas too! He should feel ashamed, old man, taking advantage of Dean’s vulnerability like that…

Dean wanted to snap at Cas to get off, wanted to be grumpy and angry, but he couldn’t muster it. Couldn’t, in fact, do anything but cling to the man. Fucking hell, if he had thought the last time they had sex in this motel room had been top five of his sexual encounters then this had been off the charts.

Yeah, he was embarrassed as hell that he had been caught begging and crying like a little sissy but at the same time it had felt _so good_. So fucking…

Dean shook himself out of it, Cas and he _weren’t_ lovers and that was that. Hell, Dean had just been taunting the man to see if he could even get a rise out of him. Just because Cas had been annoying him with his stupid face and righteous indignation. And now Dean had shown him, hadn’t he? Cas was no better than the men Dean usually slept with and he certainly wasn’t better than Dean. They both knew this, whatever this was, was wrong and they still did it so hah! Dean wasn’t the only one who wanted…

Wanted…

It was almost a relief when Cas pulled away with a grunt. This time the condom slipped out without being weird about it and Dean relaxed his tired muscles, unclenching and dropping down against the bed.

He wanted to say something snarky but Cas retreated to the bathroom before he could, and without looking at Dean. Okay, so that was how it was going to be, then? Cas was ashamed now? Well he should be, he’d fucked an underage _boy_, twice, and—

Dean made big eyes when Cas came back almost immediately with a washcloth and started cleaning up Dean’s body. His touches were warm and soothing, hands still as fucking big and yeah, that was still a turn-on for Dean but this wasn’t about sex. Cas touched Dean as if he was precious and Dean almost wanted to push him away because it was too much to be touched so lovingly so soon after such an orgasm.

But he didn’t really want to disturb the moment and instead he just laid there, malleable as Cas moved his limbs here and there to clean every crevice. Even his dick and balls got a swipe and even though the touch still wasn’t sexual it wasn’t perfunctory either and Dean felt a spark in his chest, silently loving the treatment.

“When do you have to leave?” Cas mumbled just as he was brushing the damp cloth down Dean’s legs. His eyes were down, focused on his task. He still hadn’t met Dean’s eyes and Dean knew for sure now that the man was ashamed but the fact didn’t feel satisfactory anymore.

“I dunno,” Dean spoke with the same soft mumble, eyes trained on the older man’s face. “Did you pay for the whole night?” he pressed his lips together when Cas nodded. What a dumbass he was for doing that when the motel could charge by the hour if you asked. Both of them, a couple of dumbasses for sure. “Then I guess whenever.”

“Stay,” Cas asked without asking, movements halted and eyes still downcast.

“Yeah,” Dean mumbled without even thinking it through first. “Yeah, I’ll stay.”

When Cas went to wash himself off in the bathroom Dean took a moment to dig out his phone to shoot off some texts. The first went to Charlie because he knew that would be easiest. 

Dean swallowed hard and glanced at the partially closed bathroom door. He didn’t hear anything from in there anymore and thought that maybe Cas was having a freaked out conversation with his reflection. That seemed like something Cas would do. Dean turned back to quickly tap out some bullshit lie to dad.

Dean sighed, ignoring the lump in his throat as he set the alarm on his phone and put it on the nightstand, hoping against hope that his battery would last through the night.

“Everything okay?”

Dean looked up, meeting Cas’ eyes for the first time in what seemed like forever. Though Cas was older he seemed more vulnerable in this moment and Dean caught himself remembering how Cas had scoffed at being called “stud” that first time they met. It dawned on him how much harder this had to be for the older man and he smiled up at him, lifting the covers to invite Cas to the bed.

“Yeah, ‘s fine.”

Cas looked hesitant but when he eventually slid in beside Dean, his hands were sure and as warm as ever as he pulled Dean closer. They ended up with Dean as the little spoon because of course they did, and Dean couldn’t even find it in himself to hate it.

“Dean,” Cas mumbled after a while and Dean contemplated if it had been long enough for him to pretend to be asleep. “We have to…”

_Stop_, they had to _stop_. But somehow Cas couldn’t make himself say it and Dean knew why, even if he refused to acknowledge it.

“I’m gonna stop going to that bar,” he stated instead, cutting the silence that had followed Cas’ half-finished sentence. “I’ll stop having sex with older men. At least until I’m 18.”

“That’s good,” Cas mumbled and Dean shivered when he felt Cas’ breath on his neck.

“It’s the right thing to do,” the words felt stunted but he supposed that was appropriate. Cas was an older man too, after all. “What I did was shitty and I should stop. It’s not that long until my birthday anyway.”

Cas tightened his grip on Dean and it felt as if there was a question there, in that gesture. But Dean didn’t dare address it for fear of being wrong and Cas eventually let it go, sighing lowly as he relaxed his whole body.

Dean spent a long time staring at the wall before he finally fell asleep too.


	3. You can have my isolation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean has a swim meet but gets distracted when he spots Cas in the audience.
> 
> Or,
> 
> The one where Dean gets hold of Cas’ phone number, intent on sending him some angry texts about boundaries. It goes a little so-so.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope y'all forgive me for posting a little soon but there's a special friend I wanted to celebrate today. Happy birthday, sweetie! ♥

Just after Halloween there was a swimming meet. Not like a big or important one, but one that Dean didn’t want to fuck up. Not that he was planning to, he had even taken special precautions to make sure he would be relaxed enough to do well.

Now, Dean had been super good and had honored his little promise to Cas, meaning he hadn’t gone back to Benny’s not even once since that last time. Well, if the morning after when Cas dropped him off so he could pick up his car counted then he had been to the premise once, but no more after that! No, he was a proper high school boy now, having proper high school sex with bori—_proper_ high school peers.

That that sex was fucking unsatisfying on _all fronts_ and that Dean was a pent up little ball of barely restrained rage and sexual frustration was another thing. Another. Thing. Entirely.

Yesterday Dean had accepted the offer to exchange blowjobs with Gordon Walker, a grade A douche from Dean’s math class with a nice dick, and he was proud to say he hadn’t replaced Gordon’s mug with Cas’ face in his mind’s eye. Then he had gone home and fucked himself so vigorously on his dildo that Sam had slammed his hand on their shared wall. Granted, it had been well after midnight by the time he moaned out his third orgasm.

Anyway, the point was that Dean was well and _over_ Cas and that he was fucked out enough that he could relax for this swim meet.

He listened with the rest of the team as the coach yammered on about region championships or whatever, itching to get out and into the water instead. When Dean was submerged all sounds faded away and when he swam he felt truly free. To be honest, that was the only time he was able to stop thinking about Cas—damnit!

The meet would start with a simple freestyle relay and Dean would go second to last, their captain of course acting as the anchor, after which they would have a short rest and then the individual medleys would start. Not everyone from each team would compete in every part, this was after all just a warm up meet, so Dean wasn’t the least nervous. Swimming he knew, swimming was familiar, swimming would never fail hi—

Dean almost balked when he spotted Cas in the audience.

“Yeah, a lot came to watch, huh?” Kevin mumbled as he stopped by Dean’s side. The rest of the team continued out, waving to friends and family. Victor gave them a questioning look but Dean didn’t even see his teammates.

All he could see was Cas, who apparently had spotted Dean and was now pointedly _not_ looking in Dean’s direction. And fuck was he…? The motherfucker was _squirming_!

“Oh there’s Jack,” Kevin suddenly stretched and waved happily. “I asked him if he wanted to come,” which he apparently had and he had for some fucked up reason thought it would be fun to bring his _dad_. Why hadn’t Cas said no?! “He’s really having fun in the baseball team, but we’ve been hanging out anyway. He’s best friends with Alfie, you know?”

Was Kevin seriously still talking about Jack?

“Well why don’t you marry him if you like him so much?” Dean snapped like a total jackass and stomped up to the starting blocks, leaving a very confused Kevin standing alone.

Damnit, Dean couldn’t shake the feeling of Cas’ eyes on him. Well fuck the older man if he thought this would get to Dean, he would _not_ mess up for his team just because Cas was a bit distracting. Dean was _way_ above shit like that.

*****

In the end they lost but it had at least not been because of Dean. Didn’t mean he felt okay about the situation, though, because he was red faced and flushed, so fucking aroused from knowing that Cas’ eyes had tracked him in the pool. The pool was supposed to be his goddamn sanctuary! Now nothing felt safe.

After the relay he had just stormed off to the locker room, going directly to the showers to douse himself in cold water to try and drown his burgeoning arousal. His speedos hid nothing, for fuck’s sake. The individual medley that’d followed had been torture and Dean just wanted to walk up the bleachers and punch Cas in his fucking face. Because seriously, ever since Dean came back from the locker room Cas’ eyes had been burning a hole in his body. The dude needed to chill with the eye fucking, that was for fucking sure.

“Damnit, I don’t need this _now_,” Dean groused, as he walked through the school. This many hours later it was mostly empty and he relied on his general likeableness and good student vibe to get him out of trouble in the unlikeliness that he would bump into someone who would question his motives.

Seriously, though, what the _fuck_ was Cas thinking? Dean was doing everything he could over here to be good. Not going to Benny’s, not finding older men to fuck anywhere else, having _normal_ sex with people his own age, pointedly ignoring the temptation of trying out camming and live streaming his pathetic masturbation sessions…

And then suddenly, there was Cas. Just smack dab in Dean’s everyday life. It wasn’t fair, he was trying to get over the man, Cas didn’t have _any_ right to just waltz back in.

Dean almost punched open the door to the coaches’ joined office. “I don’t need to _get over_ him,” he seethed. There had been nothing _there_ to begin with. Cas had just been a really good fucking lay that Dean had happened to mount more than once. That didn’t _mean_ anything.

Just as he had expected he found Cas’ contact information in the baseball coach’s files. He snapped a picture of it, intent on using what he had found later but didn’t contain himself until he got home. As soon as he was outside the school he sent off a text to Cas.

There, Dean saved Cas’ phone number under the contact name “CN” for Castiel Novak, even though he really wanted to name him The Douche or something, and sighed at himself. He had done the right thing, though, he told himself as he drove home. He was doing well without the older man’s influences and he wanted that to continue. He didn’t need Cas and his stupidly distracting eyes or clever fingers or…

He just _didn’t need him_, that was all.

It took Cas several hours to answer but Dean wasn’t really surprised. He was just done with his evening, coming back to his room after having done his nighttime ritual in the bathroom, intent on turning in for the night when he saw the little light LED blinking on his phone.

He seriously thought it was Charlie again because she hadn’t stopped pestering him after he had refused to go out and have a sad milkshake after the team’s loss.

When he opened the conversation he didn’t even know what kind of face to make.

“You’re so fucking stupid, Cas,” Dean muttered and flopped down on the bed, scratching his stomach as he tapped out an answer one-handedly.

Maybe calling him a dumbass was a little much… Dean wanted to delete it because he kind of didn’t want Cas to know how much of an effect he had on Dean. But of course before he got the chance to, he saw the little bubble that indicated that Cas was typing.

Dean rolled his eyes. Always so serious, Dean could practically _feel_ the frown through the phone screen.

Dean huffed and turned on his side, sleeping tee riding up. 

There was a lull in the conversation for several minutes and Dean for some reason thought he had fucked it up. Which was kind of insane because he wasn’t trying to do anything to begin with. 

Dean tried to think of something smart to say, or even something kind. He hadn’t meant to be an ass, he was just frustrated and thrown off kilter from seeing the source of his frustration for the first time in over two months. Plus he was a hormonal teenager, fucking give him a break.

Well, shit. Now Dean didn’t feel so bad anymore. Felt kind of hot, to be perfectly honest.

Wait, that hadn’t been what he had meant to write. The point of this wasn’t to… to _do_ anything. Not stuff like this anyway. The point was to tell Cas to stay the hell away. Didn’t explain why Dean was chubbing up in his boxers, though…

  


Dean squirmed a little on the bed, pressing his thighs together and suppressing a little sound when he saw that Cas was immediately typing back.

No wait! He hadn’t meant to send _that_. Delete, delete!

But of course it was too late and Cas had already seen it and was typing back. Fucking hell, Dean needed to stop thinking with his dick. Which was, for the record, all the way hard now and they hadn’t even really texted anything special yet.

Wait… what the fuck did he mean by that? _Yet_ what?

  


Dean wasn’t really sure what he meant by that, or that Cas would understand. All he knew was that he was hard and he wanted Cas to come here and look at him while he jerked off. 

Fucking hell, what the fuck did Cas mean by that? Dean rolled to his back, moaning quietly as he put a hand down on his dick. He usually used the same hand to text as he did to jerk off but he decided to be a leftie for tonight in favor of being able to text at all because it looked like Cas wasn’t stopping in the least. 

  


Dean was humping up against his own hand, panting as he tried to type. 

Dean was so hard, so impossibly hard from so little and he didn’t even have it in him to be mad about that. Because even as little as this felt better than anything he had done since he last met Cas. His dick was leaking, every nerve ending tingling, Dean felt raw and exposed and he wished desperately he had a picture of Cas to look at. 

Dean moaned again, louder this time and fucking shit, Sam was probably still awake. Didn’t stop him now, though.

  


Dean was crying right now but he was too close to his goddamn orgasm to snap a picture of it even though he really wanted to send one to Cas. 

Fuck his fumbling fingers, now it looked like he was talking with a lisp. Well to hell with it, he didn’t care enough to correct it and Cas was anyhow already typing. Dean abandoned most higher brainpower to devote what he had left to stroking his dick. His boxers were soaked by now so he just left his dick in them, hoping to contain his spunk in there even when he came.

Dean whined, pleasure surging through him as if the first time Cas missed a punctuation was proof of the other man’s arousal. Dean really was pathetic.

  


That didn’t even make sense and Dean was still so turned on he was choking on it. He abandoned the idea of stroking over his boxers, suddenly feeling mad with the need of skin-on-skin contact on his dick. There was no way of pretending his own hand was Cas, not when Cas’ hand was so much bigger, but he made a valiant try.

  


Dean’s breath came in short little pants now, strained and shallow as he did his best to hold his phone and stroke his dick at the same time. He was so very aware of every sound he was making and when he swallowed his throat clicked so loudly he thought people all the way in the next town ought to hear it. 

Dean’s hand was a blur in his boxers now, his balls so high up the skin was getting wrinkly. A whine was caught at the back of his throat and he wouldn’t need much more before he popped.

Oh fuck, was Cas really saying…? Did he mean…?

Dean’s back arched sharply as he came with a strangled shout. His dick jerked and fucking hell, Dean came so hard and so much that it seeped through his boxers, completely soaking his thighs and hand. His whole body spasmed and he couldn’t make himself relax for several long moments and when he did he sagged down with a long exhale.

Fuck this was not how this text conversation had been supposed to go. He had only thought he would text Cas to make the man understand the rules here, where the fuck had this gone wrong? He lifted his phone to scroll through the conversation but his eyes glued to the last text Cas had sent him, one that Dean hadn’t seen because of his orgasm interrupting him.

Dean swallowed hard. Did that mean what he thought it meant or was he fucking crazy here?

He waited another couple of minutes, anxious and very aware that he had a boat load of come cooling in his boxers, making his dick and balls stick uncomfortably. 

Dean didn’t even have time to feel thrilled at the fact that he had made Cas come because the man just barreled on, bringing Dean back to reality better than a cold shower could.

Dean swallowed over a lump. What did he mean by “anyway”?

Dean gnawed at his lower lip, indecisive. Now that they had cleared that his mind raced back to what they had just done. And how much he had actually liked it. Thinking about it rationally he supposed this thing with Cas wouldn’t be the same as going to Benny’s and picking up older men. Maybe this could…

Or maybe not. Was probably for the best _anyway_.

Dean was back to being angry now and he was kind of uncertain of why. He had gotten what he had wanted and had even gotten a stellar orgasm out of it so there was really no reason for him to be mad now.

And best of all, he’d managed through a whole sex _thing_ with Cas without calling the older man daddy, that was fucking progress right there.

Something nagged at his mind as his thumb hovered over the delete button though… something that made him scroll back through the conversation, pointedly ignoring all the sexiness that was Cas’ straight-faced confessions.

And there it was, clear as day, in his own goddamn words. 

“Mother_fucker_!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Omg you guys I tried _so hard_ to get this texting thing to work and it was _such a hassel_ and they didn't even come out the same sizes and I'm just... GAH.  
I really like the texting app but maybe it's more suitable for fics that are _only_ texting? I dunno, let me know your thoughts. Did it ruin the immersion for you or did you find it fun? Or maybe you don't even care either way?  
Anyways, as always: thank you for reading ♥♥♥


	4. You let me desecrate you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Get a job, Dean, they said. It’ll look great on your college application, _Dean_, they said.
> 
> Or,
> 
> The one where Castiel’s mother goads him into accepting a blind date.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for your feedback on the texting! I have taken all of your thoughts into consideration and I have decided to keep using it for this fic (because consistency is my mistress and I don't wanna piss her off) and for future fics I will see what fits <strike>(my fancy)</strike>.  
I love all of you for taking time to answer me, please accept this chapter filled with sex and a bit of angst (ploT!??!?!) as a token for my appreciation! <333

“I just don’t understand why you’re being obtuse about this?”

Castiel sighed and put down his mostly empty coffee mug on the table between him and his mother. Jack watched Castiel and his grandmother as if he was a spectator at a tennis match, silently munching on his sponge cake.

“Because,” Castiel couldn’t _believe_ they were having this discussion. “I just don’t feel ready to date yet.”

Mother sighed and Jack’s eyes ticked from person to person. Castiel honestly didn’t know if he wanted to spare his son this conversation or if he needed him here as a distraction. Mother could sometimes be a bit overbearing when faced alone, after all.

“You can’t honestly still be _that_ hung up on Meg?”

Castiel was too hung up on one green-eyed devil of a 17-year-old boy but he couldn’t very well say _that_. And besides, he and Dean hadn’t met since that last time in the motel back in August and he hadn’t seen the boy at all since the swim meet, almost a month ago. And that text conversation had been the last contact at all and Castiel did well to try and forget the boy. All he could do was hope Dean really had deleted that conversation same as he.

But anyway, none of _that_ could help him get out of this pickle his well-meaning mother had thrown him into.

“I’m not,” he muttered, being deliberately sparse in his answer.

“Actually it feels like dad got over her super quickly,” Jack piped up but he shrank back when Castiel turned disapproving eyes on the boy.

He supposed he couldn’t fault Jack for noticing something like that, though, and frankly he was mostly surprised at the truth in what his son had said. He _had_ gotten over Meg remarkably fast, hadn’t he?

His mother put her hand over his, her skin soft from years of using Nivea hand cream. To this date, Castiel was still reminded of his childhood when he smelled the cream.

“Is it Kelly, then?”

That made Castiel frown and the interest that sparked in Jack’s eyes didn’t go unnoticed.

“No, mother,” he sighed, patting her hand. “I will always love Kelly, of course. She brought me Jack. But her death was long ago, if I still wasn’t over her I wouldn’t have dated Meg, now would I?”

“Splendid,” mother exclaimed and Castiel realized too late that he had walked right into her trap. “Then you don’t have any real arguments against going out with Bela.”

“I just don’t understand why I have to?” he sounded more petulant than he thought was appropriate for his age. “I’m almost 40, I can find my own dates.”

“Can you?” mother asked pointedly and Castiel’s mind of course instantly went to Dean again.

Maybe he should just tell her some of it? Like, how he had gone out to a bar for the first time in over a decade and managed to score on the first try? Was that how people said it nowadays? Score? It felt unfair to call Dean something like that. As if he had been just another notch in Castiel’s sadly rather un-notched bedpost.

“But if he doesn’t want to go on a date, then maybe you shouldn’t force him, granny,” Jack mumbled and mother turned to him, petting his hair like she had done when he was much younger.

“I appreciate your input but this is a grown-up matter, Jackie,” she smiled kindly at him. “And I told you to call me Nana, ‘granny’ makes me sound old and I’m not _that_ old, am I?”

“No,” Jack muttered, looking down at the table.

Castiel got a sour taste in his mouth, not fond of how Jack looked right now. Defeated, weary from a battle that wasn’t his.

“It’s fine,” he sighed, barely keeping from rolling his eyes like a teenager when his mother visibly perked up. “I’ll go on a date with her, but _if_ we decide it’s not for us, you’ll have to back down, mother.”

“Of course, of course.”

“Because I don’t appreciate being used as a pawn in your games,” he narrowed his eyes at her when she tried and failed to look confused. “Yes, I know who Bela Talbot’s mother is and I know you’re just trying to gain her favor. But if Bela doesn’t like me, you’re going to have to find another way into whatever club she’s in charge of, okay? I’ll do this _once_.”

Mother gave up her childish charade and nodded, getting up to come over and kiss him on his forehead. “You’re a good son, Castiel.”

“Yeah, yeah,” he muttered, enduring her pampering. Jack looked like he wanted to say something but Castiel cut him off with a look, just wishing this to be over. “_Once_, mother.”

“I _do_ actually care for you, you know.”

He sighed and allowed her to hug him to her breast for a moment. “I know,” he mumbled and wished he could just blurt out everything about Dean.

Because that clusterfuck was really, frankly, _fucking_ with his mind and though he had tried to bring it up with Balthazar, desperate for some input, in the end he had said nothing. Perhaps because he didn’t know what to say or perhaps because he knew he shouldn’t bring someone else into this mess before he talked to Dean, and since that wasn’t an option, then things were better left unsaid, right? Castiel simply didn’t know anymore.

“So how does this Friday sound? Pick her up at eight for a romantic dinner? Jack is old enough to manage on his own, aren’t you sweetie? Or do you want Nana to come over?”

“I’ll be fine,” Jack mumbled, eyes trained on Castiel and Castiel smiled a little at his son, proud of him.

Who knew, maybe this could be a good thing? Maybe he would be able to take his mind off Dean if he went on a date with someone else? He didn’t know much about Bela but he had seen her from afar at a cocktail party mother had forced him to attend so her arm wouldn’t be empty, and if nothing else Bela was very beautiful so he supposed that was a plus.

Mother left not long after and Castiel breathed a sigh of relief. He loved his mother but sometimes she was a bit too much for him to handle. At least now, when Meg wasn’t in the picture anymore, mother’s visits were pleasant. Meg and mother had _never_ gotten along and Castiel had always been caught in the middle, so he supposed that was one of the perks about Meg leaving him; it made for easier family holidays. Like Thanksgiving last week, which had been one of the better ones since Kelly’s death, as sad as that sounded.

“I’m sorry I butted in.”

He turned around in the hall, eyebrows raised as he met his son’s eyes. “What do you mean?”

“I mean, I probably made things worse?”

“No, bug,” Castiel sighed, going over to hug Jack with one arm, smiling at him. “Mother was already set on her idea and she has a point, I really don’t have any good arguments against dating.”

“Other than not wanting to?”

“That’s right.”

Jack shrugged and allowed Castiel to walk him into the kitchen so they could start dinner together. “Seems like a valid argument to me.”

“That’s because you’re a very reasonable and intelligent young man.”

Jack snorted out a laugh, making Castiel smile as well. “Are you saying granny isn’t?”

“I can tell you at least one of those things she’s not, without assuming her gender.”

“Dad,” Jack shook his head, leaning against the counter as Castiel started picking food out of the fridge. “You know what you should do?” he asked after a moment. Castiel just hummed in acknowledgement. “I mean if you don’t actually want this date to end well?”

Castiel straightened and looked out the window over the kitchen sink, deep in thought for a moment. Did he? If this date went well it _could _make forgetting Dean easier. Then again, he wasn’t ready to date yet and—wait, why did he want to forget about _Dean_? Shouldn’t it be Meg he would try to get over? Now it just sounded as if Dean had made a bigger impression on him than Meg, a woman he had dated for almost a decade. How absurd.

And as soon as the thoughts left his mind he realized he had already been down this road.

_“I’m spinning in circles,”_ he thought tiredly. “You know what?” he mused, tone still a bit far away. “Another time maybe, it could have been nice. Bela is supposedly a classy lady and it would be different than Meg, maybe I would have liked it,” he turned to look at Jack, smiling a bit sadly. “But not right now.”

“Yeah, I know what you mean,” Jack mumbled, as if he saw his dad’s inner struggles. “Then how about you take her somewhere she won’t like at all?”

“What do you mean?”

Jack looked thoughtful for a moment and then lit up with an absolutely devilish grin. “Take her to the Roadhouse. You don’t want to date but you’re too nice to say no.”

Castiel immediately saw what Jack was getting at. “And since she probably won’t like it, she’ll be the one to cancel any further dates,” he grinned. “That’s underhanded.”

Jack grinned right back. “Well, you love that place, if she doesn’t like it she’s not for you anyway. And maybe she will like it, maybe you’ll hit it off?”

Castiel let out a small laugh. “Maybe so,” he doubted it but hey, miracles did happen. “Are you okay with that, though?”

“What? You dating a classy woman?”

Castiel snorted and went to turn on the over. “Me dating at all.”

“Of course I am,” Jack sounded genuinely confused. “You dated Meg, right?”

“Well, she _lived_ here, I would say we did a little more than dating.”

Jack looked at him for a moment, face blank, and then he smiled but Castiel saw the truth in that smile. “Well yeah, I mean sure. But it’s fine with me, dad. I just want you to be happy.”

Castiel understood in that moment that his suspicions had been true and Meg had never really managed to reach out to Jack as any kind of parent or guardian figure. Maybe she hadn’t even tried. The evidence saddened him and he felt incredibly selfish for having kept the woman in their lives for so long.

Jack made a surprised sound when Castiel pulled him into a tight hug. “And I want _you_ to be happy, you’re the most important person in the whole world,” he pulled out to look down at his son’s open face. “You know that, right?”

“Yeah, dad,” Jack grinned up at him, ever the kind boy. “I know.”

“You’re a good boy.”

“Does that mean I get pizza tonight?”

Castiel raised his eyebrows in surprise, his heart swelling with love for his brazen little boy. “Yes, son. This time it does.”

He went about turning off the oven again, putting away the food so that they could use it another day, all the while smiling to himself at how happy a mere pizza could make his son. Well, he did deserve it, he had after all come up with a smart plan to dealing with Bela and, effectively, Castiel’s mother.

*****

As soon as they got out of his car and started walking up to the Roadhouse Castiel sensed Bela’s dislike. Well, their conversation so far had been stale at best so he wasn’t very surprised that she was less than happy about his choice restaurant. Now he kind of felt smug about how much he had talked up the place in the car ride here.

The Roadhouse was a combined restaurant and bar which barely avoided the traditional dive bar feel regular roadhouses had simply because it was kept so clean. The establishment was immaculate and the clientele had learned the hard way not to mess it up. Bar fights were strictly banned to the plot behind the bar and no funny business of either the drug or prostitution kind was allowed anywhere on the premise. Simple laws that were enforced by the owner, Ellen Harvelle, and her trusted shotgun, Larry.

Castiel loved it for its rustic feel and for the fact that he kind of didn’t feel like he fit in but was nonetheless always treated like a dear friend by both staff and bar regulars. Plus they had the best damn burger in town and to Castiel that really meant something.

“I don’t eat red meat,” Bela sniffed as they walked through the busy restaurant, led by a perky young woman with a swishing blonde ponytail.

“I’m sure they have a lot of other things on the menu,” Castiel answered calmly, knowing in fact, that they did. He also knew that most of it was fried and he couldn’t help but feel smug about that too.

Bela was _definitely_ the kind of woman who wouldn’t appreciate that and though Castiel often opted for the more healthy alternative in his own cooking he was at least man enough to admit that fried _anything_ always tasted like a slice of heaven.

Maybe he should feel bad for sabotaging this date and dragging Bela through it but at this point he didn’t even care. His conscience went on vacation when she had greeted him with a sour face as he came to pick her up.

“Is that what you’re wearing?” that had been the absolute first thing she ever said to him. He thought he looked pretty presentable in a regular button-down shirt and slacks but whatever. Next she had looked over his shoulder to his car. “And what is _that_?”

“You carriage, milady,” he had grinned, feeling boyishly gleeful at her pursed lips.

From that point on Castiel had become a very petty man who took immense pleasure in displeasing his high class date.

To be perfectly honest Castiel thought Bela was the kind of woman who gave classy women everywhere a bad reputation. She was the perfect bad stereotype and Castiel thought it was really a shame. She was sparklingly beautiful and if she had been more amenable to “slumming it”, as Jack had called it, she would have been a real catch in Castiel’s eyes.

_“She should be with someone of her own kind,”_ Castiel thought as they took their seats at the table they were shown. Bela looked absolutely furious about the fact that Castiel hadn’t pulled out the chair for her. _“We would never make each other happy, mother must have known this too.”_

What a cruel joke to play on the both of them, only because mother was hoping to get a foot in with Bela’s mother. Castiel wondered for a moment if he was projecting, considering he had been so against this from the beginning, but then Bela started complaining about the loud music and the ugly tablecloths and Castiel kind of gave up in general.

“They could at least put out breadsticks,” Bela muttered as she put her high end couture purse on the table to start going through it.

Castiel almost asked if she had any breadsticks in there. “I agree.”

He did not but he didn’t want to argue.

“I thought you said this was a good restaurant,” she huffed out pulled out two squares of wet-naps. Castiel was just about to decline when he realized that both were for herself. “Really, Castiel. I expected more of you after seeing you at mother’s cocktail party.”

Was it safe to assume Bela had been the one to request this date then? Somehow that felt like an ego-boost, albeit a strange one considering she had seemingly been nothing but dissatisfied so far.

“I’m sorry.”

He wasn’t but that didn’t seem to matter to her, it wasn’t like she was listening anyway. She was too busy cleaning both of her hands and then the underside of her purse. Castiel watched her like someone might watch a very strange novelty.

“They could at least switch to some good music if they have to blast it at that level,” she groused. Castiel had always liked the music here but he didn’t see a point in mentioning that. “I hope they have alternatives to carbs here, I’m on a strict no-gluten diet.”

Castiel almost wanted to shout at her but instead he just folded his hands on the table and smiled politely. “I’m sure they have something that can accommodate y—”

“Good evening, my name is Dean and I’ll be your waiter tonight.”

Castiel froze, all sound drowned out by that voice, and when he turned to look up at Dean, _the_ Dean, the boy just stared him down, expression highly unimpressed.

“Finally,” Bela exclaimed, clearly completely unaware of the suddenly oppressive atmosphere. “Can we get some menus or do you have to go out and chop down the tree first?”

Dean held Castiel’s eyes a little bit longer, gaze icy, before turning to Bela. “Certainly,” his tone was professional and devoid of the usual heat and it made Castiel shiver unpleasantly. “Would you like me to read you tonight’s specials?”

Bela just snagged a menu out of Dean’s hand, sneering. “No, go away until we are ready to order.”

Dean actually bowed a little and Castiel hated that more than the teenager slapping down his menu in front of him. Dean shouldn’t bow to anyone.

Unsurprisingly, the whole evening went down the shithole after that. Castiel found himself helplessly distracted, completely unable to focus on anything Bela had to say, his answers stunted and out of context, if he even answered her at all.

Dean was everywhere and nowhere. The boy did his work very well, being wonderful with every table around them, and to his credit he hadn’t asked another waiter to take over theirs. Instead he came dutifully with their drinks and food, a polite smile on his face whenever he addressed Bela. But other than that first icy stare, Castiel didn’t get to feel Dean’s eyes on him anymore and he found himself straining for attention like an utter fool.

The only upside, which was barely worth mentioning, was that while Bela definitely noticed his lack of interest in her, she certainly didn’t notice why. Or where his interest actually lay. And Castiel was thankful for that at least because to be exposed in this way would be a disaster of epic proportions, and he attributed their secret’s safety to Dean’s indifferent attitude towards him.

By the end of the dinner Castiel found himself more exhausted than he had ever been and he retreated to the restrooms to splash his face with some water. Looking at the mirror he saw a gaunt figure staring back at him and he couldn’t even bring himself to feel surprised about that. This whole evening had been an emotional rollercoaster Castiel longed to get off.

“Hopefully I didn’t get any spit in my food, though,” he mumbled, thinking more highly of Dean than for the boy to stoop to something like that. Although to be perfectly honest he kind of felt like he deserved it, for this evening and for a lot of other things.

When he exited the restroom, not feeling refreshed in the least but so ready to go home, he almost walked right into none other than Dean, who popped out of absolutely nowhere.

“What the?” Dean exclaimed and oh, there was another door there. “How in the fuck? Are you _following_ me?”

“I’m not,” Castiel hastened to assure the boy, even though he suspected his rushed answer did nothing to reassure Dean of anything other than Castiel’s guilt. “I was just in the restroom.”

“Huh,” Dean glared down at the floor. “Me too.”

“Really?”

What were the chances of that? Also, Castiel had just been in the aforementioned restroom and Dean had been nowhere in sight, plus the boy had appeared out of a completely different door. Not that any of that mattered in this moment, but the facts added up to Castiel’s confused tone.

“Really,” Dean sneered at him, brow drawn tight. “I was taking a dump. Happy?”

Castiel was at a total loss of what to say to that, especially when so boldly faced with Dean’s righteous anger after a whole evening of the cold shoulder.

“Oh.”

“Fuck. No,” Dean looked down again, hugging himself. “I went in there to try and calm down.”

Castiel’s whole body kind of sagged. “Me too,” he mumbled and he wanted desperately to reach out to the boy but held back for fear of Dean running away. “Did it work?”

“Hell no,” Dean looked at him with clear anger in his brilliant eyes. “Why’d you have to come here, Cas?”

“I-I didn’t know you worked here.”

Dean narrowed his eyes. “Really? So you didn’t come here to flau—shit!” he grabbed Castiel’s hand when the big door that led out into the restaurant opened, quickly pulling Castiel with him into what turned out to be the staff restroom. It was nice, big and smelling sweetly as several lit fragrant candles spread their pleasant scent. Castiel of course noticed none of that, not when Dean was standing between him and the door, the boy facing away from him and leaning against the closed door.

“Dean?”

“Fuck! Why’d I do that?”

Dean remained with his back turned, clearly debating what to do next. Castiel couldn’t help himself and took the two steps necessary to bring himself right behind the boy.

“Were you going to ask if I came here to flaunt my date in your face?”

Dean whipped around, pressing back against the door and once again glaring at Castiel. “No.”

“You were.”

“Fuck you,” he broke eye-contact and Castiel’s whole body lit up, arousal already trickling through his body. “I just… I started working here to fatten my college applications, okay? Don’t come here and ruin it for me.”

“I really didn’t know.”

“Yeah well now you do,” Dean swallowed hard and Castiel traced the movement with his eyes. “So you can just go on out to your date again and take her home. Maybe fuck her, you’re good at that.”

It was clear the moment the words left his mouth that Dean regretted them. Perhaps he hadn’t wanted to admit that Castiel was good in bed, or perhaps he hadn’t wanted to remind himself of the possibility of Castiel sleeping with someone else. It was impossible to tell which one led him to close his eyes and thump his head back against the door, but either way Castiel liked what he heard.

“Are you jealous?”

“Why would I be jealous, old man?” Dean stared daggers at him and Castiel thought that if jealousy had a name, it was Dean Winchester in this moment. “I just don’t want you hanging around, I’m sick of your face.”

“Well I can’t leave as long as you’re blocking the door.”

There was a pregnant silence and Castiel wondered how Dean would react to being compared to a puffer fish. Probably not well, but that was how he looked in this moment, clearly puffing himself up for something.

“Your date looked like she had a really shitty time, do you suck at dating or what the fuck?”

Castiel almost startled at the loud tone Dean used. “There’s no need to insult me,” he exclaimed, kind of surprised at how much Dean’s words hurt. Castiel wasn’t bad at dating, he would _show_ that impudent little—

“Did I hurt your feelings? Too fucking bad, you threw me off balance the whole night so I guess we’re even.”

Castiel’s body surged with the knowledge that he had affected the boy that much. This was just like when Dean had texted him and told him not to come to swim meets anymore. He felt the same kind of power surge now as he had then and it was intoxicating.

“If you must know, Bela is too classy for this kind of restaurant.”

“Then why the fuck did you bring her here? Don’t you even know the woman you’re dating?”

Castiel stepped even closer, wanting to get in Dean’s aggravating face. “It was our first date,” he gritted out. “And I happen to like this restaurant.”

Dean put his hand on Castiel’s chest as if he was about to push the older man off but instead he just left it there, squeezing a little, almost.

“Clearly _she _didn’t, maybe you should go out and apologize?” Dean’s eyes were blazing, his breath hot on Castiel’s face as he leaned closer.

“I _can’t_,” Castiel shot back, leaning his hands against the door so that he effectively boxed Dean in with his arms. The boy shifted on his feet so that their knees knocked together.

“Why the fuck not?”

“Because she already left,” Castiel growled. “Because I didn’t pay her enough attention, because I was too unfocused,” he leaned in the last inch, speaking against Dean’s mouth. “Because I couldn’t stop thinking about _you_.”

Dean made a hiccupping little sound and then they were kissing. Castiel’s whole being soared as soon as their lips met and he quickly put his hands on the boy’s lower back when Dean snaked his arms around Castiel’s neck to pull him in closer.

One of Castiel’s thighs went between Dean’s legs and the boy was fast to start grinding his crotch against Castiel. His dick was rapidly filling out and Castiel wasn’t far behind himself. He was getting so aroused even breathing was getting hard and he felt drunk with the feeling of Dean all around him. And the boy’s mouth, so soft and plump and _Castiel’s_.

An irrational rush of possessiveness coursed through him and he growled again, pushing Dean hard against the door, rutting into him when Dean moaned loudly, breaking the kisses. He threw his head back, gasping for air, and Castiel went to lick and kiss the soft skin of Dean’s neck, feeling the erratic beating of his pulse under his lips and loving the feeling.

Dean’s legs were clearly giving out but Castiel had never felt stronger and he easily carried the boy’s weight, hands roaming his soft body. When he lifted Dean’s t-shirt to brush his hand up Dean’s chest he saw that the skin was a rosy pink, a fine flush spreading over his body. Dean’s nipples were already hard little nubs and Dean let out a strangled groan when Castiel bent down to lick one of them.

“You have to be quiet, little one,” he murmured and bit down lightly on the nipple.

“Cas,” Dean hissed, his dick jumping in his pants as he grinded hard against Castiel’s leg.

The angle was torture on Castiel’s back but in this moment he barely felt it, so focused on the pleasure he derived from giving Dean pleasure. Every gasp and moan sent a wave of arousal through him, making him choke on his desire for the boy. Hell, he could even feel himself leak in his underwear, something he rarely did so easily nowadays.

“Dean, you’re…” he couldn’t find words, his mind too jumbled with what this meant, what he wanted to do and what he should do. “Marvelous.”

“Fucking shut up,” there was no bite to Dean’s words now, his tone shaky and vulnerable and Castiel was thrown back to that time in August when he had had the boy at his mercy.

During their very first encounter Dean had been the one in control, mostly, Castiel wasn’t beyond admitting that. But the more they did, the more the boy seemed to open up and what Castiel found under Dean’s many layers seemed to be a person of a more timid nature. Perhaps scared of possible rejection, perhaps careful with his hopes and wishes, but definitely all the way beautiful to Castiel.

“You are,” he breathed the words against Dean’s skin, lips never leaving as he trailed over to the other nipple, giving it treatment too. “I want you so much.”

Dean’s throat clicked when he swallowed hard. “I don’t have any lube.”

Castiel wanted to tell the boy that he meant for more than sex. Because that was the big and scary truth; Castiel wanted Dean through and through.

But the words were heavy on his tongue and before he could make up his mind Dean grabbed at him and started kissing him as soon as Castiel turned his head to face him. The kisses were desperate now, hungry in the way Dean licked into Castiel’s mouth and he thought that maybe the boy _did_ know, maybe he felt the same way. And maybe he had come to the same conclusions Castiel had; had felt that same heaviness weighing the words down.

Actions were far easier then, and their bodies demanded attention anyway.

He pulled out of the kisses with difficulty, going back in twice at Dean’s demanding whine before he managed to get his bearings.

“Maybe,” he looked around the neat but sparse restroom. “Maybe soap?”

Dean let out a snort. “No, I’ll never get it out.”

“Speaking from experience?”

Dean positively _squirmed _when Castiel looked at him with a raised eyebrow and Castiel loved it. Had loved it already back in August.

“Guess it’s no use anyway,” Dean muttered eventually, eyes cast to the side but his dick jumped as soon as Castiel shifted against him, showing his true wishes clear enough.

“No matter,” Castiel stated, tone business-like, and stepped out to twirl Dean around. There was a counter that ran along the sink and he positioned Dean against that, pressing the boys hands down on it with his own as he leaned over Dean’s back, speaking to him through the mirror. “I’ll just rim you until you’re loose enough.”

Dean’s eyes rounded out and for a moment he barely managed a strangled little sound that only served to arouse Castiel more.

“Cas, that’s…”

Castiel kissed Dean’s red neck and went to kneel behind the boy, pulling down his pants in the process. “What? You don’t think it will work?”

In truth, Castiel was a little uncertain himself and he absolutely didn’t want to hurt Dean’s body in any way.

“N-no, I mean yes, it’ll probably be okay… Cas, are you,” Dean turned a little to look down at Castiel, eyes wide and pupils blown. Castiel licked his lips and moved in to kiss Dean’s cheek, maintaining eye contact. “It’s not clean,” Dean blurted then and Castiel couldn’t help but chuckle.

“Did you really use the toilet?”

“What…?” Dean blushed furiously and it was simply spectacular. “_No_,” he balked. “But I mean, I’ve been working all night, I’m probably sweaty and gross.”

Castiel hummed for a moment. He really wanted this, and his dick wanted it even more, and it looked like Dean wanted to too, except he was feeling insecure about his own body. Well, Castiel wanted Dean as comfortable as he could be so he supposed he would have to do something about that.

_“As comfortable as possible as you fuck him in the restroom at his workplace,” _Castiel thought as he stood up and reached for some tissues, turning on the faucet to wet some of them. _“You’re a real gentleman, Castiel.”_

Well, he supposed he could hate himself later, he was good at that.

Dean only looked on curiously as Castiel fixed the tissues and judging by the little squeak he let out when Castiel put the wet tissues against his hole he had been completely unprepared for it.

“What the _fuck_?” he hissed but he arched his back just beautifully and without any prompting from Castiel.

“You’re so gorgeous, Dean,” Castiel murmured and quickly wiped the boy’s ass with the dry tissues too, before tossing them all in the bin. “I want you to be a good boy and just _feel_.”

Before Dean had time to gather his wits, Castiel grabbed the boy’s ass cheeks in his big hands, and pulled them apart so that he could plant his face in between. The second his tongue touched Dean’s most intimate part the boy’s strength seemed to sap out of him and he slumped against the counter with a drawn-out moan.

His legs quivered and Castiel dragged him closer so that he could take some of Dean’s weight while the counter took the rest. Having the boy rely so heavily on him made him insanely aroused and he let out a groan before he could stop himself. It made Dean buck back with a whimper and Castiel wasted no time but instead just pressed his tongue against Dean’s hole.

The skin was soft and furled, hot and untouched, and Castiel took great pleasure in mapping it out. His dick jumped and _ached_ for attention and he had to undo his belt buckle with one hand to ease some of the pressure. Dean keened at the sound of his belt clinking and the boy shivered when Castiel brushed a hand up his thigh, up to squeeze the meat of his ass.

“So responsive,” he rumbled, lapping wide and fast, making Dean tremble under his attention.

When he reached one hand around Dean to circle his hard dick, Dean cried out loudly and slapped a hand over his mouth, breathing harshly through his nose. Castiel grinned to himself and set to work prodding the muscle of Dean’s hole at the same time as he stroked the boy very lightly.

Dean seemed caught at the razor’s edge and Castiel wanted desperately to keep him there. Wanted to see Dean crying for him, for his dick, for his touches, for _Castiel_.

Dean opened up much easier to him than he had thought but it would still be tight. Probably too tight and he thought he should spare the boy. No matter how much he longed to plunge his dick into Dean’s welcoming heat again, he couldn’t bear the thought of hurting him.

And besides, just tongue-fucking Dean and listening to the boy’s muffled moans was driving Castiel closer and closer to his own edge and he loved how it made him feel. And when he tried to push a finger inside, Dean just swallowed him up so beautifully Castiel almost choked on his own spit.

“Good boy,” he murmured, probably too lovingly, and nipped at Dean’s ass as he tested the give of Dean’s hole for a moment.

His finger went in and out smoothly and suddenly all he could think of was fucking Dean to completion on his fingers and tongue. Would it even be possible? Or would it be too little? He wanted to see and hear and experience, everything and anything Dean could give him, he wanted.

When he was two fingers deep, prodding Dean’s prostate at the same time as he licked deep inside, Dean suddenly put his other hand over the one Castiel had on his dick, squeezing hard. He made an absolutely _distraught_ sound and Castiel nearly came in his underwear.

Dean shook for a moment, inner walls working around Castiel’s fingers, and then he slumped down against the counter.

_“Did he come dry again?”_ Castiel’s body went wild with the thought and he got to his feet, pressing his whole body against Dean’s twitching one.

“Did you come, sweet boy?” he murmured sweetly against Dean’s ear, kissing him and at the same time working to get his own pants open. “Did you—”

Anything else he had thought to say completely fled his mind when Dean opened his eyes, lifted his head and looked up at Castiel. He was red in the face, his beautiful freckles standing out, eyes shiny from the tears that spilled over, gasping for air, bottom lip swollen and pink from him biting himself.

He looked stunning.

“Please daddy,” he whimpered. “I need you.”

Castiel felt like he took an arrow to the heart and he hastened to gather Dean in his arms, turning the boy around and putting him up on the counted so that they came eye-to-eye. The kisses this time were no less urgent but all the more tender.

“I got you,” he hushed Dean’s broken, hiccupping moans, gently carding his fingers through Dean’s hair, hugging him close. “Daddy’s got you, little one.”

“Fuck me, please fuck me.”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea after all,” Castiel murmured, feeling foolish for thinking he could open up Dean enough with only his spit and fingers.

Dean looked completely overwhelmed, and not only in a good way. “You don’t want me anymore?”

Icy dread swept over Castiel and he hurried to assure him, pulling him in and pressing so close that the boy couldn’t escape the feeling of Castiel’s fit-to-burst erection.

“I do, of course I do. God, you’re like an addiction I can’t quit.”

Dean grabbed Castiel’s shirt, eyes beckoning. “Then fuck me.”

“But… prep?”

“You almost made me come on your tongue, I’m good to go.”

Castiel wanted to argue more. He had _such_ good arguments against fucking Dean without proper lubrication. But when the boy ripped Castiel out of his underwear, spitting in his own hand only to smear it all over Castiel’s dick, all those arguments flew out the proverbial window.

Mind blank, he allowed Dean to take the reins from him, and he didn’t come online again until he was already pressing into the boy.

“I don’t want to hurt you,” he pushed out, strangled by his own arousal.

“Too late,” Dean snapped and Castiel took the jab, embraced it even, and continued sliding into the boy.

Dean arched his back when Castiel was all the way in to the hilt, legs going around Castiel’s waist and he put his hands on Dean’s back, holding onto him as he started rocking into him.

He went slowly at first, wanting to spare Dean’s body, but it soon grew too difficult to keep at that pace. The desire that burned between them was searing hot by now, both of them reduced to only panting against each other’s mouths, completely unable to stay away but too far gone to be able to kiss properly. Castiel kept his movements short but quick, never leaving Dean’s body fully, and he relished in the heat there, the vice-like grip around his dick.

The desperation came back full-force when Dean planted his face against Castiel’s pounding pulse, nipping him. His orgasm surged through him and he felt it cresting almost painfully, very aware of Dean’s hard dick against his stomach. He should touch him, he _wanted_ to touch him, but he couldn’t unclench his hands from Dean’s body, so caught at the peak of his arousal.

“I’m not wearing a condom.”

The realization struck him the second before he realized he was going to come. Now.

“I don’t care,” came Dean’s breathy reply. “Come inside.”

“No, I shou—” he cut himself off with a sharp grunt as he came anyway, completely helpless to stop himself.

Dean let out a choked off, surprised mewl and somehow managed to produce a ball of tissues just in time to catch his own come as he released hotly between them. Castiel shook against him, hips driving into the boy for a long time. Dean hugged him close, body tight and warm as he wrapped himself like an octopus around Castiel.

The moment was too sweet to break but they had to, good God what had Castiel been thinking having unprotected sex? What had _Dean_ been thinking?

The answer was simply that none of them had been thinking nothing rational at all, too caught up in each other, but how could Castiel admit that? To admit it would be to admit that he was in love with Dean and that… he just couldn’t; _shouldn’t_.

Dean let out a soft whimper when Castiel pulled out and he immediately reached for tissues to clean the boy up as much as he could. Dean let him, just like he had let him that time in the motel room, and Castiel was grateful.

He felt like a weight lifted off his shoulders when the tissues came away free of blood-stains. So he had probably put strain on Dean’s body, and the boy would be sore, but at least he hadn’t ruptured anything. And the second that thought left his mind, his more primal side took over and he felt an immense satisfaction at seeing his come drool out of Dean’s loose hole.

“It’s fine, Cas,” Dean mumbled then. “You don’t have to do it anymore, I can manage on my own.”

Castiel felt torn, conflicted and frayed. “When do you get off work? Let me drive you home.”

There was so much more he wanted to do, so much more he wanted to _say_. But the words stuck and Dean anyhow shook his head, eyes downcast.

“My shift doesn’t end for another two hours but it’s fine. You should leave.”

Castiel felt useless and powerless. “Dean, at least let me…”

But Dean shook his head again, jumping off the counter to fix his clothes. “I wanna be alone, Cas, okay? I can’t stand to look at your face.”

Inept, that was what Castiel was. Completely unable to do anything right.

He put his soft dick away without any regard to cleaning himself first. “Dean, I’m sorry.”

“Don’t say that,” Dean winced, finally looking up. “That makes it worse.”

“But I hurt you and I’m…”

He was what? Sorry? It didn’t cut it, it _didn’t_.

They stood silent for a moment, both of them motionless, Castiel staring at Dean and Dean staring at the floor.

“Sometimes I feel like I’m made out of sand,” Dean said at length, his tone a despondent whisper. “I build my stupid goddamn walls by hand and then you blow right through them and fuck me up.”

Castiel didn’t know what to say, could barely say anything with the big lump that formed in his throat.

“Dean...”

The boy sighed and shook his head, brushing past Castiel to open the door. Only then did Castiel realize that it hadn’t even been locked. This whole thing had been an endeavor in stupidity from his side.

“Leave, Cas. We’re good for now,” Dean turned to give Castiel a sad smile. “Honest.”

It didn’t feel honest, or good, or over. But Castiel felt raw and exposed and he had nothing left to say so he left, his mind a jumble and his body weak, thinking he could at least do this for Dean. Could give him the space he wished for, even when Castiel felt like the opposite would be the righter choice.


	5. You let me complicate you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jack wants to go to a New Year’s party with his new friends from high school. Castiel drops him off.
> 
> Or,
> 
> The one where Dean isn’t feeling it at this lame party. It’s got _nothing_ to do with Cas, though, no siree.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Halloween, y'all!  
Sorry this isn't horror themed, I hope you're okay with sex and FEELINGS instead lmao  
Love you lots! ♥♥♥

Just as Thanksgiving had passed peacefully, so did Christmas. Since they had celebrated one holiday with Castiel’s mother, brother and his family, they did the other holiday with Jack’s grandparents Kline. Even with all the years that had passed, Castiel never lost touch with the lovely pair and he was happy for it, and not only for Jack’s sake. The Klines were wonderful with his boy and through the years they had at times proved more reliable and supportive than Castiel’s own mother.

In a way these were the best holidays Castiel had had in a long while, and it didn’t escape him that the absence of Meg was probably the reason why. He found himself lying awake in bed, staring at the ceiling, wondering if he had ever truly been happy with her or if she had just been a decade-long rebound after Kelly’s death. Maybe he had thought it was a good idea to date Meg because she had been so different from Kelly?

Maybe that was why he was so hung up on Dean now? After all, what could be more different from an adult woman than a teenage boy? Thoughts like that kept him up, gnawing at him.

He started smoking again the week before Christmas, after eventually caving under the stress of having to suppress his desires for Dean, his desires for seeing him, talking to him, checking in on him, _touching him_. And beyond that, the fact that he couldn’t talk to anyone about this, was eating him up.

He got painfully aware that he only had one friend who hadn’t actually been Meg’s friend and who therefore hadn’t left him. And after having talked on the phone with Balthazar for a whole hour without being able to bring the Dean stuff up, even though he was completely sure his friend wouldn’t judge him, he had never felt more alone.

But the thing was, even though Balthazar was one of the most broad-minded people Castiel knew, Castiel still felt that it was wrong to talk to someone else about this. About his feelings and thoughts. Somehow, even though he knew he was being irrational, all the things that he bottled up seemed to somehow belong to Dean. And since he didn’t feel like he had any right to contact the teen, well then he was kind of out of options.

He didn’t know how many times he had opened his phone and looked at the contact _Dean W_ since that fateful date night with Bela. And every time he had put down his phone again, feeling just as impotent as when he had left Dean at the Roadhouse. After a while everything left unsaid had torn through him and he had gone out and bought a package of Lucky Strikes.

Come New Year’s he still hadn’t finished the same package and he intended to not buy another one when he did, although with his track record of bad decisions these past six months he feared his promises might not be the most reliable right now. He was just glad Jack didn’t appear to have noticed his shameful behavior yet.

He was a bit unsure what they would get up to for New Year’s this year, the first one without Meg. For so long he and Jack had been dragged with her to her friends’ parties, the grown-ups getting drunk and singing loudly while the children were forced to play in a separate room, the little ones put to bed early.

Castiel had always felt a bit out of place at those parties, very aware of the fact that Meg actually didn’t want kids there and that he didn’t fit in with her hipper friends. But he had been in love and she had wanted him with her so that was how it had been.

This year his first thought went to Balthazar but since his friend lived in New York and wouldn’t be coming back to Kansas for the holidays he had dropped that thought rather quickly. His next thought immediately went to that time three years ago when he and Jack had been sick over the holidays and Meg had gone out on her own to celebrate New Year’s at the traditional party.

He and Jack had spent the whole night eating Chinese food and watching the old Star Wars movies, until they had to flip over to watch the ball drop at midnight, after which they had both fallen asleep on the couch. To be honest, that had been one of the best New Years since Kelly died and Castiel was thinking of recreating it now. Thinking about it, he thought there had come out a few new Star Wars movies, maybe he could invest in them for the occasion?

He didn’t get a chance to bring it up, though, when Jack came home from hanging out with Alfie, a few days before New Year’s, excited and happy.

“Dad, guess what?”

Castiel was busy trying to remove the lasagna from the oven without dropping it or burning himself so he didn’t look up.

“What?”

“Kevin invited me and Alfie to a party this New Year’s,” Jack was beaming when Castiel turned to him. “Can I go?”

Considering his hopes for the occasion, maybe Castiel should feel sad that he was in a sense being thrown to the side, but all he felt was complete happiness at the look of enthusiasm on his son’s face. Jack had always been a reserved boy, with few but close friends, and Castiel longed to see him bloom like he knew he would.

“What kind of party is it?”

Jack rolled his eyes, and Castiel smirked at how befitting it was such a stupid question, really. “A high school party, jeez dad.”

Castiel chuckled and went to put the lasagna on the table, Jack plucking soda from the fridge and grinning when Castiel didn’t object the chosen beverage. Well, since Castiel had started smoking in secret he supposed he couldn’t fault his son for wanting something sweet to drink now and then.

“I meant, are people drinking?”

Jack looked a little guilty, nervous even, as he sat down. “I suppose,” he mumbled and Castiel wondered if he reacted like this because he felt bad for not mentioning it from the beginning or if he thought Castiel would say no now.

He didn’t ask, though, and instead just nodded as he started plating the food. “You can go, but I have a couple of conditions.”

Jack looked up, hope written all over his face. “Like what?”

“Like, you can drink if you want to but I will buy it and you’ll _only_ have what I give you, is that clear?”

“Really?” Jack squeaked and Castiel smiled at him, remembering what it had been like for himself at Jack’s age, having a very similar conversation with his mother.

“Really. And I’ll drive you there, _and_ pick you up. That’s important to me, bug. I don’t want someone telling you they are okay to drive you home only for you to end up in a car crash,” he looked seriously at his son and Jack gave him a similar look back . “I don’t care what time it is, you’ll call _me_ to pick you up.”

Jack looked down, nodding slowly, a serious look in his eyes as he contemplated Castiel’s words. “I get it, dad. That’s fair.”

“Good. I can take Alfie too, if you want. Or I suppose,” he paused to think about his next words for a moment. Jack started eating, watching him cautiously. “If Alfie’s parents want to pick you up that’s okay too, but promise me you’ll call when you’re leaving the party then, so I know.”

Jack smiled to himself. “Jeez dad, overprotective much?”

From his tone Castiel understood that Jack was actually happy about these conditions so he chose to overlook the comment.

“So, is this Kevin’s party or does he know the host?”

“It’s Victor Henriksen’s party, he’s on the swim team with Kevin,” Jack beamed and thankfully continued talking so that Castiel’s mind didn’t get stuck on the swim team portion of the information. “But Kevin said basically anyone’s invited and he, um, he said Krissy Chambers might be there…” he looked down, suddenly very interested in his food.

_“So that’s how it is,”_ Castiel thought fondly and he reached out a hand to stroke his son’s hair, smiling when Jack looked up at him. _“He grew up when I wasn’t watching.”_

“How about you and I go out shopping for some new clothes tomorrow? And I can buy you what you want to drink, I know you’re not used to alcohol so we’ll keep it simple. Of course,” he patted Jack on the shoulder before letting go of him to start eating his cooling dinner. “If you don’t want to drink at all that would be a very good option.”

“But I do want to,” Jack stated, his tone confused. “I know I haven’t really done it but… I want to try.”

“I know,” Castiel smiled to himself, thinking he was really silly for wanting to keep his baby boy for a little while longer. “I’m just saying, abstinence is good too. _All kinds_ of abstinence.”

“Oh my God, _dad_,” Jack groaned embarrassedly as soon as he understood what Castiel was hinting at and the way he hid his blushing face in his hands made Castiel laugh.

Perhaps that was one thing he wouldn’t have to worry about just yet but just for the heck of it he decided to buy his son a pack of condoms too. Better safe than sorry after all, Castiel of all people should know _that_.

*****

Jack and Alfie were already so hyped when Castiel parked outside the designated party house that it seemed as if they were already drunk. He briefly considered taking back the light beer he’d bought them but decided in the end that they deserved it. He’d spent the evening yesterday discussing with Alfie’s parents, deliberating on what to get their kids, and he’d thought that perhaps they were overly protective, just as Jack jokingly had accused him of being. The boys were after all 15 going on 16 and surely they could trust them?

Well, Castiel trusted Jack alright, and to a certain degree Alfie. It was the other kids he didn’t trust, and since Jack hadn’t exactly had alcohol before, for a lack of interest mostly, Castiel expected him to react to it and he would rather know what his son was drinking than having him end up being hungover on something Castiel had no control over.

He was probably being silly but then again, Jack was his baby boy so he thought he could be excused.

Looking at the house from the outside it was immediately clear that this Victor was home alone and that his parents either didn’t care or would be mad as hell when they eventually came back home. That, or the boy knew how to clean up after himself.

They arrived at seven, which Alfie had complained was too early, but the party was already in full swing from the looks of it. People milled out both on the lawn and in and out of the house, there were banners and balloons everywhere, confetti strewn and dotting the white of the snow-covered ground. Music pumped loudly from the house and there was some kind of light in there, blinking somewhat in sync with the music. And there were cars _everywhere_, some parked well and some parked crookedly.

Castiel felt a fool for immediately searching for Dean’s impressive black monster of a car and he felt even more foolish when he had to suppress disappointment at not finding it.

“This is gonna be _awesome_!” Alfie squeaked and basically hurled himself from the car as soon as Castiel had stopped it well enough.

Castiel smiled to himself, loving how wonderfully nerdy his son’s friend was and how none of them cared about cliques liked that. Chances were that they were going to find themselves a pair of nice girls who would devour them and Castiel relished the idea of Jack growing up as much as he dreaded it.

“Bug,” he mumbled, reaching for Jack’s arm when his son went to unbuckle to follow his friend. “You have fun tonight and promise me,” he smiled when Jack beamed up at him. “Stick to what I bought you and call me.”

“Of course dad,” Jack exclaimed, excitement written all over him, and in the next moment he was out of the car and racing after Alfie.

And Castiel was left sitting there thinking he should stop treating Jack as if he was a socially inept eight-year-old. His son was well into his teens and growing up, expanding his experiences and friend circle without Castiel’s guidance. He felt proud, and a little melancholic, and a whole lot like the lamest dad in the universe.

He shook his head, smiling to himself. “Guess it’s just me, Szechuan House, and Han Solo tonight, huh?”

He’d bought the new movies, despite the mixed reviews, and since Han had always been his favorite character he was looking forward to that one especially. And now that he thought about it, with Jack gone it meant Castiel could have wasabi on his sushi without his son complaining loudly about the smell, so, silver lining.

He was just about to shift the car into gear to pull away from the curb when there was a rap on the passenger side window. He looked up, thinking it was Jack or Alfie since anything else seemed inconceivable, and startled badly when he saw Dean’s beautiful face peering in at him.

He sat motionless for what felt like eons but was probably just a few seconds, and then he leaned over and opened the door. Dean bent down, kind of hanging in the door, and looked at him more closely. Castiel felt like an open wound but he remained in his seat and let the boy just stare for a moment.

“Dropping off Jack?”

Castiel nodded, the motion seeming to thaw him so that he could act more normal. “And Alfie, apparently Kevin invited them.”

“I know, he hasn’t shut up about it.”

That made Castiel smile unexpectedly, happy that Jack’s new friend apparently was eager to hang out with him.

“When Jack mentioned the swim team I thought you would be here,” he blurted out, stupidly. Dean’s eyes seemed to shine in the street light. “I thought about not coming, I was hoping Jack would tell me to drop them off a block away or something.”

Dean raised his chin a little, considering Castiel. And then he took a swig from the bottle in his hand, draining it. Castiel had thought it was a drink of some kind but saw that it was actually only non-alcoholic root beer. He wanted to ask if Dean was starting slow or if he didn’t want to drink at all. If there was something on his mind. Castiel was indeed a fool.

“Can I get in?”

He blinked owlishly and then nodded his consent. Dean slipped in, looking for all the world as if he belonged there, in Castiel’s beaten up old car. He buckled in and turned his head to Castiel, looking at him again, considering him once more. Castiel felt like prey under the eyes of its captor.

After a silent moment he shifted into gear and pulled away, idling slowly along the street to give Dean a chance to oppose whatever this was. As soon as they turned the corner to the next block he sped up a little, relaxing as if having gotten away with a great heist. In a way he supposed he had.

Light to his right suddenly caught his attention and he glanced to the side to see Dean texting with someone. Was that the same phone he had used to send those messages to Castiel? He hoped it was but didn’t know why it would matter.

“I’m just telling Charlie I’m ditching her,” Dean explained, clearly sensing the silent question. “It’s fine, I told her I wasn’t feeling up to partying anyway. She’ll understand.”

“Why aren’t you up for it?” Castiel mumbled, thinking of Jack and Alfie and their enthusiasm as they got ready at Castiel’s house just forty minutes ago. “Are you feeling ill, do you want me to drive you home?”

Dean shrugged. “No, I guess I just have a lot on my mind,” he was looking out the window when Castiel turned his head. “And Charlie’s got a new girlfriend, they’re sickeningly sweet together. Makes me think…” he sighed and flashed Castiel a quick smile. “She won’t miss me anyway, it’s fine.”

Castiel didn't know that it was, especially since he didn’t know what they were doing. He knew what he _wanted_ to be doing, and definitely what his body wanted to do, but at the same time he didn’t want that; knew they couldn’t continue like they had.

Instead of driving them to Motel 6 he took the road to the make-out point, which was supposed to be better but somehow felt worse. Other than the oppressing atmosphere between them, Castiel found that he liked having Dean in his car, maybe because it was somewhat close to home, or maybe simply because he just liked having the boy close to him in general. Dean smelled very nice this evening, more so than usual, and Castiel suspected he was wearing some kind of cologne. Perhaps to entice potential lovers of his own age?

Castiel gripped the wheel a little tighter and turned into a free parking space. Actually, looking around, they were the only car there.

“I guess I kind of thought this would be a nice view of the fireworks,” he muttered as he peered out the windshield.

Dean snorted. “There’s no fireworks yet, doofus.”

The engine ticked as it cooled down and Castiel knew that at this time of year it would get very cold very fast and neither of them were exactly wearing winter outfits. Castiel was even in sweats as he hadn’t thought he would be out long enough for his clothing to matter.

“How have you been?” he asked when the silence had eaten away at his self-restraint. “I’ve been worried, we—I was…”

Dean gave him a slanted look. “Rough?” he actually smiled a little when Castiel sagged against the steering wheel. “Yeah, I was a bit sore the day after but it was worth it,” he shrugged again and Castiel pretended his heart hadn’t jumped at the _worth it_ part. “Besides, I was the one who said you should do it anyway, so…”

“That doesn’t matter.”

“It’s fine, Cas,” it was clear that it wasn’t fine, at least that Dean wasn’t completely fine. Maybe the sex itself hadn’t been a problem but what had come after definitely was, Castiel knew because it was burning him from the inside out. “How’ve you been?”

Castiel shuddered at Dean’s forced casual tone, completely overwhelmed by desire for the boy, body and soul. He was grateful for the coldness that seeped in now, something to blame his shudder on and something to cool him off.

“I’ve started smoking again,” he smiled when Dean cocked his head to the side, regarding him. “It’s been years since I last did it. It’s nothing much,” he thought of his half-finished package, shamefully hidden in his bathroom cabinet. “But I’m hiding it from Jack.”

He said the last part in a mumbled and saw in the corner of his eye how Dean lowered his gaze, nodding.

“I feel like an idiot,” the boy said in a low tone. “I feel like… like I’m torn, and stupid. I wanna,” he chuckled, a little self-deprecating, and looked up at what he could see of the skyline from this angle. “On the one hand I wanna be cute and sweet so you’ll want to protect me and on the other hand I wanna be mature and cool so you’ll fall for me,” he laughed again, a little more sincere and Castiel’s stomach swooped at the sound. “I’m such a goddamn idiot.”

“I…” God, Castiel shouldn’t say this, shouldn’t encourage any of this “I understand what you mean. Kelly was older than me,” he smiled to himself at the memory of his bumbled wooing. “So I completely see what you’re saying and maybe… maybe I shouldn’t tell you this,” he rubbed his face with his hands, leaning back against the headrest. “Maybe I shouldn’t talk to you at all but…” he turned his head to the side, smiling at Dean when he saw the boy looking at him with wide eyes. “But just so you know, you don’t need to try so hard to make me fall for you.”

“Because…” Dean swallowed hard, not looking away from him. “Because it’s impossible?”

Castiel definitely shouldn’t push this but he _wanted_ and _needed_ and _ached_. “Because the opposite is true.”

The silence that followed was pregnant and brief. Castiel reached for Dean at the same time as Dean clicked off his belt to fling himself at Castiel and the taste of the boy’s mouth had perhaps never been sweeter. They both moaned, Dean fisting Castiel’s jacket and Castiel carding a hand through Dean’s hair to cup the back of his head.

They pushed closer, tongues dancing, arousal licking white-hot through Castiel’s body at the same time as _feelings_ and _emotions_ threatened to overtake him. A pitiful sound escaped him and Dean swallowed it greedily, pushing to get Castiel to lean back so that the boy could follow into his lap. Hands everywhere, their lips glued together as they all but devoured each other in their frenzied need to be closer.

They both jumped when Dean accidentally bumped his elbow against the steering wheel so that the car horn honked loudly. The sound startled them into calming down and they pulled apart, panting and dazed from the kissing as they stared at each other.

Dean opened his mouth as if to speak but what came out was a little chuckle. Castiel blinked at him and even Dean seemed surprised. But then he chuckled again, a smile spreading over his face, and Castiel soon followed him.

They both started laughing, loudly and elatedly, and God knew what for but it felt good. Felt liberating to sit there in Castiel’s car, hands still touching, and laugh until they started crying.

“This is so bizarre,” Dean exclaimed when they had calmed down marginally. “Everything about this is so fucking _bizarre_.”

“I couldn’t agree more,” Castiel grinned, staring up at the inside of the car roof. “I can’t believe what we have done, what we just did,” he turned his head, still grinning. “What I _still _want to do.”

Dean almost preened, smiling to himself, and Castiel’s heart ached with how much he adored the boy. “Yeah I know what you mean. I mean shit, I almost climbed into your lap to ride you and we’re,” he waved to the outside world. “_Here_. Anyone could’ve seen.”

“Yeah,” Castiel licked his lips unconsciously, mind caught on the image of Dean riding him. “Not to mention what we did at the Roadhouse. We’re kind of idiots.”

“Still can’t believe that your date left you because you were too busy thinking about me to pay her attention,” despite his words, Dean was clearly very proud of that fact.

Castiel snorted. “I’m not the least surprised, seems like all I can do lately is think about you.”

“Yeah…” Dean’s eyes were downcast when Castiel looked at him and he was smiling. “Same.”

Something inside Castiel flipped when he saw the strangely demure look on Dean’s gorgeous face.

“But I mean, it’s not like we should…” he waved a hand between them to indicate what they had done so far. “Continue to…”

“No,” Dean hastened to agree, eyes glinting as he looked up to meet Castiel’s fiery gaze. “No we probably shouldn’t.”

“Would be a horrible idea, really.”

Dean nodded sagely, hands firmly pressed together between his thighs. “The worst.”

There was another silence and they stared at each other, faces pale in the moonlight. Then Dean parted his lips and Castiel’s heart lodged in his throat.

“My house is empty,” he blurted out before Dean had time to say anything else, in a move so uncharacteristic that he felt all the more emboldened by the action.

“What?”

“My house,” Castiel’s stomach churned at the thought of what he was saying. “It’s just me and Jack who live there and…”

“And he’s at Vic’s party,” Dean finished, tone suddenly breathless with the realization of what Castiel was saying.

“I made him promise to tell me when he wants to come home.”

“Probably not until after midnight.”

“Or even later.”

Castiel felt wild as he stared at Dean, the boy looking just as feral when he met Castiel’s eyes and in the next moment they were buckling in again, Castiel revving the engine in his haste to get the car started. His head swam and he was probably speeding. Dean kept tapping a finger against his knee.

“This _is_ a bad idea,” the boy said when they were almost at the house. His tone made it sound like the complete opposite.

“You said it; it’s the worst idea.”

“Worst idea in the history of bad ideas.”

Castiel didn’t know what was really happening; this all seemed completely different from all the other times they had met, save perhaps the first one. And last time he had left Dean with such a huge amount guilt that he had picked up smoking, for fuck’s sake. And now…

Now he was turning up his driveway, counting on any neighbors who might see them to take Dean for Jack in the dark, and then they were safely tucked into his garage, the door sliding shut behind them. They stayed in the car for a moment, the motion sensor lights taking a moment to blink alive and Castiel needing to gather his thoughts.

They shouldn’t, even despite what they had admitted there was still so much left unsaid and… and Dean was still an underage boy in high school and Castiel was still a middle-aged man with a son in the same school. They _shouldn’t_.

But when Castiel turned to Dean he wanted so much and admitting to that was easier than addressing the reality. He wished he could be forgiven for being weak; for wanting to stay in the bubble Dean’s words and actions had created for him. He didn’t hope because he already knew he was doomed, but oh how he wished.

“Have you been drinking tonight?”

Dean blinked at the question. “Only root beer, I told you I wasn’t up for partying.”

“Good.”

“Are you asking in reference to consent?” Dean grinned and got out of the car, Castiel hurrying to catch up. “Even after I tricked you?”

“Are you talking about August?”

Dean hummed and Castiel wanted to kiss him but no, not here in the garage. He walked up to the door that lead to the house, unlocking it for the boy.

“I am.”

“Considering _a lot_ of things, I’d say we’re even.”

Dean just hummed again, not sounding completely convinced, and walked into the house ahead of Castiel. He purposefully hung back, taking a moment to admire Dean’s physique like a complete sleazebag. The boy had obviously dressed up for the party and his efforts didn’t go unnoticed by Castiel. Perhaps Dean had thought to find himself some distraction tonight but then Castiel had come along and ruined that.

Castiel shook himself, feeling silly for thinking so highly of his own body and skills. Yes, Dean had called him stud that first time they had sex but that hadn’t happened again so it had most likely just been lip service. Well, he supposed he had to have _something_ that had caught the boy’s eyes since Dean had been the one to make the first move but still, he shouldn’t think too highly of himself.

Instead he just hurried after Dean when he heard him make a surprised sound.

“This is some fancy shit,” Dean was in the living room, gaping at the house in general. “Are you, like, rich or something?”

“No,” Castiel snorted, smiling at Dean’s impressed face. It was entirely too adorable. “I’m a sales provider for AM radio. We,” he sighed and Dean turned to look at him. Castiel glanced at a picture of Kelly with a newborn Jack in her arms. Meg had vehemently hated all pictures of Kelly but after she had left Castiel had started hanging them up again, replacing some of the art Meg took with her. “I bought this house together with Kelly, my wife. After she died her life insurance paid out and I paid off so much of the mortgage that I by now own this house completely.”

“That’s so fucking cool.”

Castiel looked up, surprised at Dean’s impressed tone. “I don’t know that it’s cool exactly, I just wanted Jack to have a good home.”

Dean looked at him with dark eyes, his expression shifting into a familiar one. Castiel felt his own body tingle to life and he didn’t know what he had done to put that expression on the boy but he desperately wanted to do it again.

“It’s not that we live in a dump exactly,” Dean mumbled, walking slowly up to Castiel. “But it’s not nice like this. I suppose dad decided to focus on saving for college rather than buying a nice house and I guess that’s cool and all but this… I’m guessing you still have enough money saved for Jack’s college, huh?” he nodded when Castiel did and put his arms around Castiel’s neck, pulling him down. Dean was surprisingly strong for someone so slender and Castiel for some reason always found that incredibly arousing. “Fuck yeah, you’re a real provider, aren’t you? Why is that so fucking _hot_?”

Why was anything hot right now? In a way Castiel wouldn’t be faulted if he had worried that Dean was just turned on by him because he saw a father figure in him, but in another way completely Castiel had stopped thinking rationally and was pushing into Dean’s personal space, connecting their mouths once again.

The boy rolled up against him, groaning into the kiss and Castiel put his hands on Dean’s round ass, squeezing. For how lean all of Dean’s body was, his ass was still deliciously bouncy and Castiel just loved it, loved all of Dean, and especially the boy’s sounds.

Dean was very vocal and all of it shot through Castiel, making heat pool low in his abdomen, and he felt how hard Dean already was when he pulled the boy up against him. They slotted their bodies together, grinding lazily as the kisses deepened and Castiel eagerly swallowed Dean’s every little sound.

They stumbled together, fervent and restless, both clearly needing more and before Castiel knew it he had steered them to the stairs. Dean staggered a bit, clearly surprised when his foot hit the first step and they kind of tumbled down, Castiel catching most of Dean’s weight so that the boy wouldn’t hurt his back.

“Fuck yeah, do me right here,” Dean groaned, pulling Castiel down on top of him. “So fucking hot.”

Castiel felt dizzy with desire and they ended up making out right there and it was glorious until Castiel’s back protested with a sharp twinge.

“Okay, no,” he chuckled and got to his feet, pulling Dean up with him. “We’re going to my bedroom.”

“Spoilsport,” Dean teased, grinning as he took Castiel’s hand in his and started pulling him up the stairs as if he was right at home here already.

Somehow that just made everything hotter.

But he saw the boy pausing at the top of the stairs, clearly taking in his surroundings, and Castiel smiled to himself as he took tDean’s hand to lead him deeper into the house. Dean’s head turned, looking at pictures, furniture, the ajar door to the upstairs bathroom and to Jack’s room. He said nothing and Castiel let him look his fill.

Well inside his bedroom he closed the door for some reason. Dean grinned at him and Castiel just shook his head at himself.

“Feels safer, huh?”

“I’m a silly old man, cut me some slack.”

Dean hummed and shucked off his jacket when Castiel did the same, and stepped closer to the big double bed. Castiel had of course kept it even though he was the only one sleeping in it now and he still kept to the left side of it, making half of the bed looking largely unused.

“It feels different, somehow,” Dean mumbled. Castiel swallowed and allowed the boy time to gather his thoughts. “More real.”

“It does,” he walked around Dean to get to the nightstand, picking a tube of Astroglide and some condoms out of the top drawer. “Do you want to stop?”

Dean looked up sharply and Castiel understood why. Neither of them had really asked the other that before, not since the first time, and to decline the chance of escape would be to shine a light on what they were doing. A conscious decision, rather than one born of carnal lust, would be harder to deny or deal with in the light of day.

Castiel wanted to take back his words but he wanted even more to hear Dean’s answer. Instead, the boy deflected expertly and Castiel was left feeling unsure of how to actually feel.

“You don’t need to bother with that.”

He looked down at his hands when Dean pointed at what he was holding. “Lube? I will not repeat what I did last, I honestly don’t know what I was thinking. Spit as lube?” he shook his head. “What a horrible idea.”

“Well,” Dean grinned to himself and whipped his t-shirt over his head, completely stunning Castiel with the sight of the boy’s smooth, pale skin and perky, pink nipples. “I kinda agree on the spit thing but what you did last time…” he grinned to himself as he started unbuttoning his jeans. Castiel got irrationally jealous of Dean’s hands, which got to touch the boy so freely, and he stepped away from the nightstand. “I liked it, okay?”

“The rimming?”

Dean looked up, seeming surprised to see Castiel so close. “Yeah,” he mumbled, a little breathless and Castiel loved how Dean’s voice sounded when the boy was aroused. “Was fucking fantastic.”

“Well, then,” Castiel grinned, tossing the lube and condoms to the bed in favor of taking over the job of undressing Dean. “Glad we can agree on that.”

Dean hissed softly when Castiel slid his hands up and down the boy’s torso before going to kneel in front of him to pull down his jeans. Dean’s legs were trembling and Castiel couldn’t resist kissing his stomach when Dean leaned on him so he could take off his socks. He took an extra moment to brush his hands up and down the boy’s supple legs, humming against his soft skin, and Dean made delicious, breathless sounds above him.

“I meant the rubber,” Dean mumbled when Castiel had him down to his boxers, the boy’s dick tenting them obscenely. “After what we did last time I kinda freaked out and I went to get myself tested. So I know you’re clean,” he said looking up at Castiel through his lashes when Castiel got to his feet.

His heart hammered in his chest and he cupped Dean’s face, bending down to kiss him tenderly. Dean made a surprised little sound and grasped Castiel’s arms, holding on tightly.

“I’m sorry I made you feel like that,” Castiel sighed against Dean’s lips, their foreheads pressed together, eyes closed. “I shouldn’t have done that.”

“‘S fine, I was the one who said you should,” Dean mumbled and Castiel had already heard that argument and he didn’t agree but knew it would be impossible to convince Dean at this moment. “Besides, now I know, so.”

Dean was grinning when Castiel opened his eyes and he couldn’t help but smile down at him, helplessly and hopelessly falling for the boy’s charms.

“I suppose that’s true.”

“I mean, it was awkward as fuck having to ask dad to take me,” Dean took the hem of Castiel’s t-shirt to pull it over his head. “I mean jeez, I turn 18 in less than a month but apparently dad had to sign off on the test or whatever.”

“I guess they do have their rules,” Castiel mumbled and willingly let Dean undress him like he had done for the boy.

“Stupid,” Dean shook his head as he pulled on the drawstring to Castiel’s sweatpants. “Whatever, dad was all cool about it and it turned out I’d been worrying for nothing so it’s fine.”

Castiel still wanted to argue because Dean shouldn’t even have had to worry but then again, the best way to ensure the boy was safe would be to stop this entirely and Castiel was unable to even think along that track in this moment.

“I’m glad,” he said instead, although he wanted to ask about Dean’s dad. Did he know that Dean had slept with a man? Dean had once mentioned that his dad might already suspect that the boy was gay and that he would be fine with it, but what had Dean actually said when he wanted to go take the test?

The only reason why he didn’t ask was that he didn’t know if he wanted to hear the answer for himself or for Dean. Was he afraid the boy had exposed him or was he simply concerned about the boy? He wanted to say it was the latter but since he didn’t know, he felt stupid and selfish and he remained quiet.

And he anyhow stopped thinking straight when Dean had gotten him down to his boxers and cupped his erection with a grin on his face.

“So I mean, if you wanna have a condom on for your own sake it’s fine by me but if not…” he rubbed Castiel’s dick, somehow managing to look both sly and coy at the same time. “It’s better without.”

“Without,” Castiel agreed in a rasp and holy hell, he couldn’t _believe_ how reckless he was behaving.

They had had unprotected sex and Dean, a _teenager_, had been responsible enough to be freaked out about the fact and had gotten himself tested. And Castiel, like a complete ass, hadn’t reflected on what that unprotectedness could mean for himself. Oh, he had worried plenty about Dean, not because he was carrying something but because he didn’t want Dean to take unnecessary risks. But he hadn’t thought once about himself, hadn’t taken any tests, and now here he was agreeing to unprotected sex again simply because Dean _said_ he was clean.

Castiel was a horrible person, and father, and he couldn’t even be bothered to feel bad about it when Dean was pressing closer, rubbing up against him and smelling so enticing Castiel felt drugged.

“Lemme suck you off, Cas,” Dean breathed then and Castiel had to sit down on the bed, his legs giving out.

“You’re too sexy, Dean.”

Dean’s eyebrows shot to his hairline and then a smug expression slid over the boy’s beautiful face. He kneeled between Castiel’s open legs, obviously making a show of it as he wriggled his butt and pushed his hands up Castiel’s thighs. Castiel was seriously considering the possibility of a heart-attack right now.

His dick bobbed harshly when Dean pulled down his boxers, trapping them under his balls so that they pressed up against his perineum. It was kind of uncomfortable but Dean gave him a look that told him not to fix it and when the boy bent in to unceremoniously swallow Castiel’s whole dick he understood why.

The pleasure that crashed over him was sharp and searing hot but the way his boxers dug in made him distracted enough to feel like he wouldn’t be able to come like this and holy crap did he need the distraction. Dean’s mouth around him looked glorious and the boy moaned like he had never tasted anything better, the vibrations travelling through Castiel to pool at his groin, making him hot and cold at the same time.

Castiel was no stranger to blow-jobs, Meg had frequently initiated sex by going down on him to get him hard quick and easy, as she put it. And she had seemed into it too, but not even on her best day could she compare to Dean right now. The boy’s technique, his _enthusiasm_, Castiel was simply blown away.

He fisted the duvet he was sitting on in one hand and carded the fingers of his other hand through Dean’s hair. The boy just moaned again and deep-throated as best he could, his throat like a vice around the swollen head of Castiel’s dick.

“You look so good like this, Dean,” he groaned, completely enthralled and both unwilling and unable to look away.

Dean pressed his hands against the insides of Castiel’s thighs and pulled off with an obscene slurp. “You like it?” he asked in a sultry voice, opening his mouth to lick from base to tip, all the while maintaining eye-contact.

“I like everything about you,” Castiel admitted in a hush and his words made Dean’s eyes widen and the boy let out a submissive whine.

And no matter how much Castiel loved to be pleasured by Dean like this, no matter how much he was melting under the boy’s clever ministrations, he longed to see Dean in the throes of passion even more. So instead of sliding back into the heat of Dean’s wonderful mouth he scooted back on the bed, pulling the boy up with him.

Dean went willingly, long limbs wrapping around Castiel, and a sweet moan escaping him when their erections brushed together.

“Let me take care of you,” he murmured sweetly against Dean’s mouth, kissing him as he turned them over. “Let me hold you.”

_Let me love you_ would probably have been more accurate, more in line with what he was feeling and what he wanted to say. But the words stuck in his throat simply because of the fact that he in reality wasn’t truly allowed this.

_“Let me have you once more,”_ he thought to himself as he slid down Dean’s body, kissing and sucking the blemish-free skin.

Dean squirmed under him, hands reaching for Castiel and hips bucking restlessly. Dean’s underwear were sticky with his precome and Castiel took great satisfaction in licking over the wet spot for a moment before taking pity on Dean’s strangled moans and sitting up to pull off the last piece of garment separating him and Dean’s wonderful body.

He got a bit tangled in his own boxers when he tried to hastily shuck them off and he put his knee on the Astroglide tube but Dean didn’t seem to even notice Castiel’s fumbling. The boy’s eyes were closed and his head thrown back as he rolled slowly on the bed, his whole body undulating sensuously.

“Please, Cas,” he whispered hoarsely when Castiel finally had found his bearings and put his hands back on Dean’s body. “I need you.”

“I’m here,” Castiel reached for the lube and popped it open. “Anything you want.”

“You,” Dean hushed, spreading his legs when Castiel brushed his hands down the insides of his thighs. “Only you.”

No games, no spite, no trickery.

Castiel looked up and didn’t even try to disguise his love for the boy and he knew Dean saw it written on his face. Dean’s whole face scrunched up, an expression of pleasurable pain flitting over his features and Castiel’s heart clenched.

“You have me, Dean.”

A shudder went through the boy’s body at the first touch of Castiel’s slick fingers but he relaxed immediately and Castiel prodded around his hole for a moment before pressing inside. It was as tight as always but aided by the lube the slide was smooth.

Dean sighed contently and relaxed even more, bending his knees and pulling them up, really opening up for Castiel. The sight was wonderful and Castiel barely suppressed a needy groan at the thought of what was being offered to him. The trust and the love, not to mention the purely physical, Castiel desired it all and Dean was more than willing to indulge him.

Castiel’s dick hung hot and heavy between his legs and he forced himself to ignore it so that he could keep his wits and properly prepare Dean’s body for the intrusion. The boy’s dick was pressed up against his stomach and leaking profusely. Every now and then Castiel would brush his thumb against Dean’s tight balls and he relished the sounds that that would pull out of the boy.

“You’re perfect, Dean,” he hushed out, making Dean whine and bite his lower lip.

Castiel had never really considered the possibility of sex with another man and to be perfectly frank he still hadn’t even delved into further exploration. Dean was all he needed and desired and he felt as if a weight lifted off his shoulder when he was finally able to admit that to himself.

When he was two fingers deep and scissoring them he thought he would melt from the need to push inside and Dean was moaning a string of nonsense, humping down against Castiel’s hand. His toes were curling and Castiel couldn’t help but press against Dean’s prostate. It made Dean whine and cry silent tears, face red and beautiful as he gasped for breath, and Castiel was reminded of that time he made Dean come dry. But for all the similarities, this time was completely different and he ached to make the boy understand that.

He added more lube and pressed three fingers inside, slowly and carefully, and then bent over to gather Dean closer with his other arm so that they could kiss. Dean immediately glued himself to Castiel, his breathing fast and clipped and his body hot around Castiel.

“I got you,” he murmured, shushing Dean’s whimper by kissing him.

It was heated, no doubt about it, but Castiel turned the kiss into something sweet nonetheless and Dean seemed to respond even more to that. Their mouths slotted together, tongues curling, breath shared as Castiel pumped his fingers in and out of Dean, opening him up slowly and carefully.

Dean was soon shaking in his arms, clearly reaching his limit and Castiel was fast approaching the point where he could just rub his dick against Dean’s ass twice and be done. And a part of him wanted that; longed for the release. And another part never wanted to leave this moment. Dean cradled in his arms, bodies and mouths pressed together, his fingers helplessly caught in Deans’ tight heat.

“Cas, I want your dick,” Dean pressed out just when Castiel was contemplating finishing them both off with his hand and he felt like he was stabbed in the heart, pleasure so sharp it was painful shooting through him.

“Like this?”

“Yeah.”

Dean’s sweet moan was almost enough to do him in and Castiel had to take a moment to rub his dick with some cold lube to calm down.

Pressing inside Dean, Castiel truly felt as if he had found heaven. Had sex always felt this sweet? Had his previous partners been this responsive, this receptive? Dean’s body felt as if molded to fit Castiel perfectly and the boy seemed to yearn for him in a way Castiel wasn’t sure he had ever felt before, not even with his late wife. How could something that felt like this be wrong? Castiel didn’t know, had no answers, and was completely overwhelmed by everything Dean.

“So deep,” the boy moaned against Castiel’s heated ear. “You fill me up so good, Cas.”

They were hugging each other close, Castiel barely managing to rock in and out and yet he didn’t want to pull further away. Unlike their other times together he was only chasing physical gratification as a secondary priority, more focused on just _feeling_. To feel Dean around him, to feel the emotions that sparkled between them, and to show the boy what this meant to him.

Boy? No, man now, Castiel thought as he grinded his hips slowly against Dean, buried to the hilt. Dean was an adult in so many ways, so capable and so experienced in his own right. Definitely experienced enough to make Castiel fall for him and Castiel felt like the child here. Inexperienced and incompetent, fumbling and in need to prove himself worthy of Dean’s love and attention.

“Dean,” he breathed, lips pressed against Dean’s pounding pulse, his skin tasting sweet under Castiel’s tongue. “Dean.”

“Yeah,” Dean moaned, body rolling with Castiel’s, the pace increasing. “Yeah I feel it too.”

The build was quick, arousal and pleasure surging through him. Castiel felt like a virgin, completely overcome with his need to just spend himself into this wonderful creature, this perfect being who had allowed him something so beautiful.

But more than that he longed for Dean’s sweet cry of release and he managed to wrestle a hand down between them but Dean caught his wrist.

“Wanna come on your cock, Cas,” he said in a husky voice and Castiel felt his end was imminent and inevitable.

“I don’t know if I’ll last long enough,” he croaked and Dean looked surprised but pleasantly so.

“Just come here.”

Castiel fell into Dean’s arms, a shudder going through him when their lips locked. They picked up the speed again, rocking into each other, Dean’s dick squished between them and the kisses growing increasingly sloppy and desperate.

The coil pulled tighter and tighter inside Castiel, the familiar pull making him ache sweetly and he thought for a wild moment that if he died now, he would have no regrets.

“Dean, I can’t stop.”

“Rig-right there Cas, _fuck_.”

In the end, Castiel's orgasm was triggered by Dean’s body locking up around him as the other man came with a hoarse cry. Dean threw his head back, his inner walls rippling around Castiel’s poor dick and he practically faceplanted against Dean’s shoulder, letting out a strangled and probably undignified grunt. It felt like he exploded and he came harder than he had in a long while. Dean whined, arms and legs tight around Castiel’s body and he kissed the man’s shoulder, panting through his climax.

“So much for me, Cas,” Dean murmured sweetly and Castiel closed his eyes, smiling as he basked in the love he could feel in those words.

“Can you feel me?”

“What? Inside?”

Castiel shuffled as he prepared to pull out but Dean clenched his limbs and ass around Castiel so he relented and relaxed back down.

“When I come. I’ve always wondered if it’s noticeable.”

Dean started laughing unexpectedly, his whole body tightening and making Castiel groan as it made a wave of fresh pleasure shoot through him when his oversensitive dick was squeezed.

“You fucking dork,” Dean mumbled lovingly. “For the record, yes, I feel it.”

Castiel was finally allowed to pull away and he couldn’t help but smile down at Dean’s grinning face. “Because I’m so big?” he asked teasingly, making Dean laugh again. Castiel felt a rush of happiness go through him.

“Yeah. You’re a real stud, remember?”

“I do.”

Dean shook his head, still smiling fondly. Castiel rested back on his heels, thumbing Dean’s swollen rim where they were still connected. He was growing soft and was basically slipping out but he liked how it looked and he liked to touch it even more.

“I meant it, you know,” Dean was looking fondly up at him when Castiel raised his head to meet the other man’s eyes. “You caught my eyes instantly, you’re really fucking handsome. It’s almost unfair.”

Castiel looked at Dean in astonishment for a moment before a sudden flush worked itself up his neck and cheeks.

“What are you saying all of a sudden?” he spluttered, pulling out of Dean so that he could slide off the bed. “If there’s anyone here who’s remarkable, it’s you.”

Dean clicked his tongue, grinning widely, and rolled off the bed with the grace of youth. “Can we shower together?”

Castiel felt momentarily distracted by the way Dean moved. “Whatever you want, Dean.”

Dean raise his eyebrows, looking surprised, and Castiel supposed those words, spoken softly and out of sex, would be a bit too much for them. And yet they didn’t even convey even half of everything Castiel wanted to say.

“In that case I want you to wash me off, all sweet like, and then feed me.”

Castiel smiled, feeling giddy with excitement at Dean’s demanding tone. “Of course.”

They used the shower in Castiel’s private bathroom and Castiel took such care to wash Dean’s whole body with a loofa that the man ended up hard again, coming so much from the hand-job Castiel gave him that Castiel had no choice but to start over with his clean-up.

After the shower they ended up dressed in some of Castiel’s more comfortable clothes, the sweatpants and t-shirt too big on Dean and it did things to Castiel to see the man in his own clothes. Castiel quickly checked his phone to make sure he hadn’t missed a call from Jack and then ordered Chinese food and they spent the evening entangled on the couch watching the Han Solo movie. Dean told him he had already seen it since his best friend was a major “Star Wars freak” and they had seen it at the movies but he didn’t mind watching it again.

“The movie that answers all those arbitrary questions about Han Solo you never knew you didn’t have,” he grinned as he got comfortable beside Castiel on the couch. “Can’t wait to hear your thoughts on it.”

Castiel felt such a sense of belonging in that moment, as if having Dean here with him to do something as domestic and normal as watching a movie and eat dinner together made him whole. And to think he hadn’t even known he was missing something in the first place.

_“The only thing that would make this better would be if Jack was here too,”_ he thought, watching Dean’s face fondly as the man flipped through the DVD menu.

If Jack was here and they could be a proper family. Yes, Castiel knew he was being silly and he was most probably still high from endorphins from the sex or something like that but he realized in that moment that that was what he wanted with Dean. He wanted them to be together for more than just sex and he couldn’t help but feel helplessly hopeful in this moment.

After the movie ended they spent some time talking about it and that somehow led to them putting on Episode IV to watch that too. They had barely started it when Dean slipped off to use the bathroom and when he came back he stopped in the doorway into the living room.

“Hey, Cas?”

Castiel looked up, smiling when he saw Dean looking at him with adoring eyes. “What is it?” he murmured in a sleep-drowsy tone and Dean held up his phone, pointing to the screen.

“Happy New Year.”

The clock on his phone showed 00:13 a.m. and Castiel couldn’t help but grin at him. “Happy New Year, Dean.”

“Cas?” this time when he looked at the man’s face, Dean looked a little melancholic and Castiel’s stomach twisted painfully. “Do you think…?” Dean swallowed and met Castiel’s eyes head on. “Don’t you think we should stop doing this to ourselves?”

The suddenness of it made Castiel’s heart almost seize in his chest, a pain so unbearable he lost his breath sweeping over him. So it had all been for naught, then? Every sweet word and tender touch, too late and for nothing. Well, he supposed he should have known, but he still couldn’t have prepared for the pain to be this intense. Kelly’s brush with cancer, that had been brutal, Kelly’s _death_, that had been the single worst moment in Castiel’s life.

But never had he felt this paralyzed. Old wounds were brought to the surface, his uselessness from the time of Kelly’s illness, mixed with abandonment from Meg leaving him, and his impotence in the matter with Dean.

It felt like a black hole, pulling him down, drowning him.

“Yes,” he agreed, voice void of feelings and the smile he pressed out surely insufficient. “Yes we should.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did you notice I updated the tags to include _misunderstandings_? DID YOU?!?!  
Okay, good lmao  
♥♥♥
> 
> (oh and btw, if you're wondering why the hell Cas and Jack are so awkward it's because 1) they fucking are, I'm trying to be canon about their personalities and 2) I don't know how teenagers talk, it's been a long ass time since I was 15, so I need you to get aaaallll the way off my back about that and just enjoy the smut because THAT WAS WHAT THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE ABOUT. Looking at you, _Dean_ and _Cas_ *squints*)


	6. You make me perfect

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean realizes he has to talk to someone about _stuff_.
> 
> Or,
> 
> The one where Castiel does some talking about some things.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Time for some reflection and confessions and good, old wholesome (uuh?) family time! :D

Dean twirled his phone around in his hands, sighing. _Clearly_ he had said or done something stupid because he hadn’t talked to Cas or seen him since New Year’s.

Dean’s 18th birthday had passed quietly, as had Valentine’s Day, and they were now well into March and Dean was kind of dying inside. His studies were starting to get affected by his distractedness, he was performing worse on the swim team, even to the point of their coach asking if everything was alright at home, Jo’s mom Ellen had remarked on his eating habits which were shitty and endeavored to feed him every time he came in for a shift at the Roadhouse, and when he slept it was fitfully.

And it wasn’t even like he could feel sorry for himself because he knew it was somehow his own freaking fault he had ended up like this.

Either he had been too greedy and Cas didn’t actually want anything more with Dean than just a convenient hole, or Cas was thicker than Dean had given him credit for and he hadn’t understood what Dean had meant when he’d said he wanted to stop doing what they were doing.

“Do you wanna stop being sex friends?” he mumbled to himself.

He should have said something like _that_. But then again, had they even been sex friends? Over a course of five months they had met up a total of four times, and had had one sexting session, and basically all of that had been circumstantial. That wasn’t sex friend behavior.

“Do you wanna stop being circumstantial sex buddies?” that just sounded ridiculous. “Do you wanna be my boyfriend?” yeah Dean blushed just saying it out loud to himself.

“What are you mumbling about?”

He jumped high when Charlie and her girlfriend Kara joined him. Sure, he had been waiting outside the art room for their club activities to end so he shouldn’t be _that_ surprised but he had kind of been caught up in his own shit for a moment there.

“No-nothing!”

Charlie narrowed her eyes at him, making Dean look down in shame. Damn, he had never been good at hiding his feelings from his best friend…

“Dean I swear, something’s been up with you since _forever_ and if you don’t—”

“Okay, I…” he cleared his throat, still fiddling with his phone as if that would somehow make Cas magically call him when he hadn’t for over two months. For all Dean knew the older man had deleted Dean’s number completely. “Remember last year after the summer… I was talking about this dude that I’d met who was kinda infuriating but that I… I had to fuck him out of my system, right?” he looked up, seeing both Charlie and Kara watching him closely. “I used you as a cover when I stayed out one night, in case dad would ask.”

“Um,” Charlie pursed her lips for a moment. “Sorry, no.”

“It’s fine,” Dean sighed and stood up, pocketing his phone. “The point is that we met again and I thought… Well, _that_ doesn’t matter because I fucked it up. Shocker, huh?” he tried to grin confidently but it of course didn’t fool Charlie.

Kara, on the other hand, didn’t know him as well and was a generally cheerful person so she smiled brightly at him.

“Oh my God, Dean,” she jumped in to hug him tightly, completely startling both him and Charlie. “Are you saying you’re in love? Congratulations!”

Dean stiffened, staring at Charlie with wide and scared eyes. Of course, he had kind of realized this after New Year’s but to have someone else say it out loud just made it so much more real and he sort of felt like fainting right then and there.

Charlie met his eyes with a steady gaze herself and then she went to pry her happy girlfriend off Dean. “Kara, sweetie?” she smiled at Kara when she turned around to look at Charlie. “Could you give us a moment? I’ll catch up with you, ‘kay?”

Kara blinked and then her expression softened and she leaned into kiss Charlie briefly on the lips. “Sure, I’ll swing by my locker and then I’ll wait for you guys in the cafeteria, okay?”

“Sounds good.”

Dean’s heart twisted when he witnessed them being so disgustingly cute with each other and he had to look away, memories of time spent being embraced by Cas on the man’s couch as they watched a movie floating up to the surface and threatening to suffocate him.

“Dean, are you really okay?”

“I fucked up, Charlie,” he mumbled, putting his hands in his pockets and hunching in on himself. “I fell in love with a man twice my age and then I made him think I didn’t want to be with him.”

“Oh Dean,” she sighed and went to hug him, her embrace nowhere near Cas’ but still comforting to him. He put his forehead against her shoulder, hiding. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“It won’t help.”

“Do you want to anyway?”

He shifted in place, squirming as all the restless feelings bubbled up inside him. “Yeah.”

*****

“Hey, dad?”

Dad grunted in answer, clearly invested in his _Betting on Sports America_ magazine and Dean went to sit on the couch beside him. John Winchester was a man whose face showed the hardships he had endured in his life. He was around the same age as Cas but he looked much older, dark hair already greying at his temples and his stubble definitely dotted with more salt than pepper. But still handsome in his own due and the best dad Dean could have wished for.

Still didn’t mean he didn’t feel nervous right now, though. But after his talk with Charlie Dean was starting to understand that he had some things he needed to get out or they would eat him up, even more than they had already done.

“Did you know they’re holding their conference in April this year?” dad said after a while, grinning almost boyishly at Dean and he couldn’t help but smile kind of indulgently. Sports betting had never been Dean’s thing but he supposed dad’s winnings had paid for many family trips so that was a plus in his book.

“Is that so?”

Dad nodded and leaned back on the couch, closing the magazine to give his son his full focus. “What’s up?”

Dean looked down, pursing his lips as he played a little with the seam on a couch cushion. “I’m, um…”

Should probably start with the gay thing but to be honest Dean kind of wanted to talk about his broken heart more, although he was pretty sure he should keep some details out. It was difficult, though, to know where to start and where to finish. Or why he was doing this even. Dad wasn’t a touchy-feely kind of guy so they never really had heart-to-hearts and Dean wasn’t sure why he wanted one now other than the fact that he was hurting and he wanted his dad to make it better.

“Hey,” dad was looking seriously at him when Dean looked up. “Are you okay?”

Dean’s face twisted as he held back sudden tears. Wasn’t going to be some kind of pussy who cried just because this was a sensitive subject, okay?

“Not particularly. I-I kinda fucked up for myself.”

“Did you get a girl pregnant?”

That was so far-fetched in Dean’s mind that it actually made him snort out a short laughter. “_No_, jeez dad.”

“Well how should I know?” dad shot back but his tone was amused, clearly happy to see his son laughing even if it was at his expense. In the background the front door opened but neither of them bothered to turn to address it. “I know you’re not always out with friends when you say you’re studying together,” dad stated then, more serious and Dean sobered up just as Sam walked into the living room, still in his soccer gear. “And you’ve been down since New Year’s, I have to assume _something_ happened, right?”

“Oh good, you’re finally talking about this,” Sammy butted in like the in-butter he was. Dean rolled his eyes and tried to stare his little brother down so that he would leave well enough alone but of course not. “I told you dad wouldn’t mind, he loves us either way.”

“I know that, thank you Sam.”

“Don’t snap at me,” Sammy snapped at Dean with all the fury of a teenage boy. “I don’t know what you’ve been so worried about, dad doesn’t care who we love or whatever.”

“Jesus fuck, can I just have this conversation in peace?”

“Well fine!” Sam barked and stormed out of the living room, the door to his room slamming a moment later.

“Uh,” dad was looking mightily confused and Dean sighed to himself. Guess he knew where to start now, thanks a bunch Sammy boy. “What’s up with him? Is he trying to tell me he’s gay or something?”

Dean’s eyes nearly popped out of their sockets. “No dad, damn you’re dense,” he shook his head when dad just blinked at him, eyebrows raise. “He was trying to tell you that _I’m_ gay.”

“Oh,” dad leaned forward to toss his magazine onto the coffee table. “Well I suspected at least one of you were after I found some questionable porn links on that computer we had before I bought you laptops,” he patted Dean on his knee. “Glad you told me, son. Thank you.”

Dean was kind of reeling a bit, to be honest. “We haven’t used that computer for like four years, why didn’t you say something?”

Dad levelled him with a slanted stare. “Why didn’t you?”

“Guess you’ve got a point there,” Dean muttered before sinking back against the couch with a deep sigh. “So yeah, that’s that. Thank you for being okay with it.”

Dad shrugged. “Sammy’s not wrong, I don’t really care who you love as long as you’re happy. But wait,” he narrowed his eyes at Dean. “What did you mean you fucked up, then? Is this about that time when I had to take you to get all those tests? But those were negative, weren’t they?”

“They were,” Dean mumbled, looking down at his lap, comforted by the weight of dad’s hand on his knee. “I just… I found this dude that I like and… and I guess I like him more than I thought, y’know?”

Dad seemed to contemplate that for a moment, deep in thought even when Sam came creeping back after having changed into his bathrobe, probably in preparation for his shower.

“And it’s not… going well?” dad guessed after a moment and Dean met Sam’s eyes, knowing his brother understood more than he should at his age.

“If you’re talking about Dean’s not-crush, he’s totally crushing on some guy but he doesn’t want to admit it.”

“I’m trying to admit it, fucking back off,” Dean grumbled and dad patted his knee again.

“Then what’s the problem?”

“Yeah, Dean?” Sammy almost whined. “What _is_ the problem? Is he just an asshole who uses you for sex?”

“No,” Dean muttered and dad squeezed his knee to get his attention.

“_Is_ he?”

Dean squirmed on the couch, thinking that maybe Cas was, maybe Dean had been using the man too. Maybe they were just a couple of dumbasses but he wanted Cas anyway so supposedly he was the bigger dumbass for not letting go of the man. Cas had clearly moved on.

Or had he?

“No, look, we,” Dean sighed, closing his eyes for a moment. “We had a kind of fuck buddy thing going on but I sorta fell for him like an ass but when I tried to tell him that he… I dunno, took me the wrong way or he didn’t and he decided that he didn’t want me, I don’t know which. I-I haven’t heard from him, so…”

“But have _you_ contacted _him_?”

Dean snapped his head up to stare at his little brother. Sam just held his gaze and Dean wanted to smack him for just standing there being so fucking smug, the little shit…

“No…”

“Maybe you should?” dad suggested, not unkindly. “Maybe he thinks you rejected him? I suppose relationships between two men is the same as relationships between a man and a woman, communication is key,” he looked up at Sammy, looking all boyishly proud of himself. “Right?”

“Right,” Sam agreed as if they spoke some kind of secret language and it pissed Dean off. As if dad and Sammy were so great at communicating themselves, hell half of their life Dean had had to act as mediator when the other two butted heads.

“Well, it’s not that easy,” he groused, pulling away from dad’s hand and curling in on himself.

“Why not, Dee?” Sam sighed and his tone pissed Dean off even more.

“Because I wanna do all these bullshit things with him but he’d get nothing out of doing that with me, okay? He’s older than me, all grown-up and sophisticated and I’m none of that,” he twisted his mouth derisively at himself, looking down. “Guess my body is the only good thing about me anyway.”

“Don’t say that,” dad’s voice was like thunder, sharp like the crack of a whip and both Sam and Dean turned to look at him with big eyes. Dad reached to cup Dean’s chin in his big hand. “Don’t say that about my little boy, you’re worth all the things, Dean. And if this guy can’t see that then you find yourself someone who can; someone who’ll want to do everything with you.”

“Even…” Dean’s throat was suddenly thick and he had to swallow twice. “Even stuff like… like watching a movie and cook dinner and-and doing laundry?”

“I think,” dad smiled kindly, swiping his thumb across Dean’s cheek. “Those things especially much.”

“I think dad’s right and you should just talk to him,” Sam cut in, tone serious and low. “Then you’ll at least _know_.”

Dean nodded, getting to his feet when dad pulled his hand away. “Yeah… yeah maybe I should. I-I gotta sort through my head but, yeah…” he smiled at his brother and dad, feeling a bit better. “I think I’m gonna go lay down, can you manage dinner without me?”

Dad snorted. “We all know you’re the best cook in the household but I’m not _completely_ useless, thank you very much.”

“Yeah,” Dean’s smile widened. “And we have Pizza Hut on speed-dial so it’s fine.”

Dad spluttered and Dean was quick to retreat, feeling good about getting the last word and being boosted by Sammy’s laugh. Yeah, talking to Charlie and his family had been kind of awkward and painful, but rewarding in the end, he thought. Maybe he was still a bit chicken-shit about contacting Cas but he was starting to feel better about wanting to, at least, and that felt like progress in his book.

Sam watched after his brother’s retreating back as dad muttered on the couch about his insolent sons and how he would teach them. Sam rather looked forward to dad trying to outdo himself cooking up a feast just to prove Dean wrong. Dad was awesome with red meat so that was always a treat.

“Sorry I interrupted you,” he said when dad reached for his sports magazine. “Maybe you should have had that conversation without me?”

“In a way it’s better that you were here,” dad said as he got comfortable on the couch. “Sometimes it’s like you’re the only one who can understand what your brother is thinking. And to be honest I don’t know if he would have shared as much as he did if it hadn’t been for you pressing him.”

“Yeah, he can be pretty closed off,” Sam muttered and turned to leave but stopped himself when a thought occurred to him. “Dean and I have talked a bit but not about everything and I know you went with him to the doctors before Christmas, is everything okay?”

Dad took a second longer to answer, looking up from his magazine with a smile. “Oh yes, he just wanted to take a general STD test. Or VD or whatever it’s called.”

“But he’s fine?”

“Clean as a whistle,” dad announced, almost overly proudly but he frowned at Sam’s no doubt less than pleased face. “What’s wrong?”

“No I was just thinking,” Sam mumbled and looked in the direction of the stairs. “Guys can’t get pregnant, so it might be that they’re less careful with condoms and stuff like that, right?”

Dad stared at Sam with his eyebrows raised for a moment. “Sometimes you talk in a way that makes me forget you’re only thirteen.”

“I turn fourteen soon,” Sam groused and then shrugged. “I was just thinking, Dean seems pretty hung up on this guy, that could make him do stupid stuff.”

“Well,” dad said, his tone a little airy. “Dean did say he’s older. So I’m sure they’re not having sex anyway, since Dean’s barely turned 18 and he’s not even out of high school.”

God, sometimes dad was so stupid…

“He _also_ wanted to take that STD test before Christmas last year and you yourself remarked on Dean being off since New Year’s, all of which occurred _before _his 18th birthday,” he met dad’s increasingly widening eyes, kind of enjoying watching the realization dawn on the older man’s face. “Plus he mentioned them having a fuck buddy thing going on, so—”

“Yep, I think I’m just gonna go have a quick chat with Dean,” dad interrupted hurriedly, lumbering to his feet in a way that told Sam he really wanted to run up to Dean’s room, as if the speed with which they had this conversation was invaluable to the success of keeping Dean out of trouble. “If you’ll excuse me.”

Sam wanted to say something about now maybe not being the best of times, since he shared a wall with his brother and was disgustingly intimate with Dean’s habits of touching himself at all times of the day. But he was also a little brother and couldn’t pass up an opportunity to be a shit so instead he just nodded and listened with a grin on his face when dad a moment later knocked on Dean’s door and apparently entered without permission.

He couldn’t help but laugh out loud at dad’s girly shriek and Dean’s “Jesus fuck dad!” and, feeling like his job was done for now, he went to take that long overdue shower, making extra sure that the door was locked in fear of Dean’s retaliation.

* * *

Castiel pushed around his food, sighing to himself. Turkey with thick gravy and mashed potatoes on a random Sunday in March felt awkward as hell. That was Thanksgiving cuisine for now and always. But still, you didn’t say no to the matriarch of the Novak family and he supposed it was nice to meet his brother and niece, especially since he hadn’t seen Jane since the actual Thanksgiving last year.

Michael’s wife was out of town on business, which was unfortunate timing for her since their daughter Jane was usually away at college and had come home to Lawrence this weekend on a whim. Or perhaps it had been deliberate on the young woman’s part, she had never really gotten along with her mother anyway.

Jack and Jane were talking about her college and mother was talking to Michael about a car she was thinking of buying. And in the middle of the table sat Castiel and had never felt lonelier, as if something was missing. He glanced up at the empty chair across from him.

_“Or some_one_,”_ he thought morosely but tried to push the thoughts aside.

These past almost three months had been hell. Castiel had started smoking on a more regular basis, as if that would solve anything, and had had an enormous fight with Jack about it. Thinking back, he supposed that had been their first and so far only fight and it was clear that they both favored the passive-aggressive fighting style. Castiel had missed Dean’s heat especially much in the cold days that had followed that fight.

He had tried a lot of things during this time. Thinking rationally, thinking irrationally, not think about it at all, think about it entirely too much. And of course nothing worked. All he knew by now was that he was completely in love with Dean and that he missed him body and soul.

He was also painfully aware of the fact that Meg had really just been a decade long rebound after his beloved wife’s death and that he hadn’t felt an ache this sweet since that insecure time before Kelly became his girlfriend.

“So, Castiel,” mother was looking at him with an open face, her disappointment after his debacle of a date with Bela forgotten by now. “What’s new with you?”

He considered her words for a moment and then decided to just fuck it, fuck it all.

“I’m gay,” he announced clearly and with a grin. All conversation screeched to a halt, the whole table turning to stare at him, something that just made him grin even wider. “Or bi? I don’t actually know, I guess the spectrum is wide,” Dean had said something like that, Castiel remembered with a sudden rush of affection. God, this felt liberating to say. “Maybe I should have looked that up before bringing it up but actually I kind of feel as if the label doesn’t matter too much to me. The point is that I’ve fallen in love with a man, and he broke my heart,” he looked down at his plate, another realization hitting him right in the face. “Also, I hate Brussel sprouts. I don’t get what their deal is, they’re like vegan meatballs except they only taste like boiled water. I don’t approve.”

A shocked silence followed and Castiel took the moment to eat some of his cooling turkey.

“I don’t like Brussel sprouts either,” Jack mumbled then and Castiel turned to him with an appreciative smile, one that Jack met with a smile of his own.

He put his hand on his boy’s shoulder, squeezing slightly. “I have never felt closer to you, son,” he said lovingly and heard mother make a noise as if she was about to faint but when he looked at her she was still sitting upright and staring at him.

“Are you high?” Michael pressed out and Castiel frowned a little, letting go of Jack to keep eating.

“There is nothing wrong with being gay, dad,” Jane snapped and Castiel winked at her, making her almost preen.

“I’m not saying there is,” Michael spluttered, clearly not okay with at least something about this. Perhaps Castiel should have chosen a better occasion for an announcement like this. “But you suddenly blurt out things about sexuality and being in love with a man and then you change to talk about Brussel sprouts, I don’t understand.”

“I guess love makes us fools, Mikey,” Castiel sighed.

“And Brussel sprouts are _really_ disgusting,” Jack piped up, tone helpful.

“Well if no one wants to eat my food, then I guess I’ll just not cook anymore!” mother exclaimed and fled from the room, clearly having one of her conniptions.

Neither son nor grandchild went after her, Jane and Castiel even sharing another look and smiling to themselves.

“Who is this man, then?” Michael demanded, clearly upset as well. Castiel was starting to enjoy this, recognizing how uncharacteristic this was of him and being reminded of what Dean usually did to him. The boy really brought Castiel out of his shell.

“You wouldn’t know him.”

“Well, he must be someone really special for being able to turn you from the straight-and-na—no that sounded wrong,” Michael pinched his nose, eyes closed as he apparently gathered himself. “Can you just tell me what’s going on?”

“Yeah, uncle Cas,” Jane agreed, her tone softer as she looked at him with sympathetic eyes. “What do you mean he broke your heart?”

“Is this why you started smoking?” Jack mumbled gloomily and both Michael and Jane looked at him, clearly shocked.

Castiel squirmed a bit and then turned to his son, smiling sadly. “Yeah, bug. Sorry I didn’t tell you, and I’m even sorrier for arguing with you about it.”

“Me too, dad.”

“Wait, you two had an _argument_?” Jane sounded almost more shocked about that than anything else that had been said so far and Castiel couldn’t fault her for it; he and Jack were famous in the family for always getting along like two peas in a pod.

“It was my fault,” Castiel admitted, feeling very bad for how he had treated his precious son.

But Jack shook his head. “If you’re heart-broken it’s fine, I understand that it’s something painful.”

“But why wouldn’t someone want you, uncle Cas?” Jane mumbled thoughtfully. “You’re like, crazy handsome.”

“Jane!” Michael spluttered, face indignant, and Jack leaned around Castiel to look at his uncle.

“Don’t worry, uncle Mikey, you’re very handsome too.”

Now Michael looked as if he was about to have a conniption of his own so Castiel decided to butt in.

“I don’t think he did it on purpose, Jane,” he answered calmly, seeing for his mind’s eye how Dean had looked when he had dropped the proverbial bomb. “We were more like… sex friends? Or how do you say it?”

“You met up to have sex?”

Even though that wasn’t the entire truth he still nodded at her words. “And I guess he grew tired of me, so he said we should stop. I was a fool, falling for someone who wanted to keep it casual. Maybe he sensed that I was getting serious and ended it as a preemptive strike, I don’t know.”

“Seems like you dodged a bullet,” Michael snorted. “You’re almost 40, you deserve more than something casual. I’d say find yourself a wo—_someone_ who’ll appreciate you.”

Castiel actually felt moved to tears with the acceptance he could feel in his brother’s words and when he looked at Michael with affection he saw his big brother almost squirming and definitely not meeting Castiel’s eyes. He was clearly a bit uncomfortable but he was still here and that was all that mattered to Castiel.

“Well, if you don’t know for sure, is it possible that you misinterpreted what he said?” Jane asked then, striking a chord in Castiel.

“You _do_ have a tendency to take things too literally,” Jack stated sagely as if he wasn’t exactly the same.

“Have you even talked to this mystery man since whatever it was that happened?” Jane pressed and Castiel looked down, feeling the weight of his own uselessness.

“I admit I have been behaving like a coward,” Castiel mumbled, poking a gravy doused Brussel sprout with his fork.

“I’d say he might be just as foolish as you,” Michael huffed. “Either one of you could have done the talking. Unless he really did mean to end it, I suppose.”

“_Dad_,” Jane snapped, slapping her hand down on the table. “We don’t know what was said.”

“And I don’t think it’s fair to blame him, even if he didn’t mean it the way I took it,” Castiel sighed, looking up and smiling sadly at his family, wishing he could tell them the whole truth. “He’s younger than me, so he might have different priorities.”

“Well, still,” Michael muttered and picked up his glass to take a sip.

In the background they could hear mother out in the kitchen and Castiel was certain she was listening in but he didn’t bother with her at the moment. The most important thing to him was his son’s acceptance and Jack didn’t seem to be going anywhere. That Michael and Jane also seemed to be on Castiel’s side was a delightful bonus.

“But dad,” Jack said slowly after a silent moment. “What _did_ he say, exactly?”

Jane glanced at Jack and Castiel saw something in the way they looked at each other and he wondered if they would hear it differently than him, if they somehow knew something that he didn’t. Well, they were closer to Dean’s age after all, Jack two years younger while Jane was only three years older.

“Don’t you think we should stop doing this to ourselves?” Castiel recited from heart, the words played over and over in his mind to the point where he just felt pathetic. “After we had shared a night of…” he glanced at his brother and was surprised to see the man’s cheeks tinted with pink for perhaps the first time in his life. “Pleasantries,” he finished lamely, smiling at the way Jane snorted at him.

“He said that?” she asked, her tone skeptic. “‘To ourselves’?”

“I remember quite clearly, yes.”

Jane sighed and shook her head. “Damn, uncle Cas. I always knew you were kind of slow with social cues and stuff like that but I didn’t know you were _this_ stupid.”

“Jane,” Michael said warningly, clearly not approving or following her logic. But Jack was looking contemplative too so Castiel quieted his brother by touching his arm lightly.

“What do you mean, Jane?”

He should be laughed at for the flicker of hope that awoke in his empty heart but he couldn’t help it when Jane looked so fondly at him.

“I _mean_ that you were fuck buddies, right? And then you had a nice evening, I’m assuming nicer than normal?”

“You would be correct,” Castiel couldn’t help but smile at the memory of Dean’s running commentary as they watched the movie.

“And then after that he told you that you should stop doing this to yourselves. To _both_ of you. Uncle Cas,” she exclaimed when he just blinked at her. “He wanted to stop just being sex buddies!”

“I think Jane is right,” Jack mumbled thoughtfully. “I think he meant to say ‘don’t you think we should stop only having casual sex and start having a meaningful relationship instead of doing this painful thing to ourselves’.”

“Yeah,” Jane grinned at Jack, shaking her head a little. “But it was probably a mouthful.”

“It felt rather cumbersome to say, yes.”

Castiel felt so elated and so stupid that he could only turn to his big brother with an astonished expression.

“Did I just get schooled by our children?”

“All evidence points to that fact, Cassie.”

Castiel opened his mouth to respond, suddenly feeling childishly happy, but he was interrupted when mother appeared from the kitchen, carrying a plate with cheesecake.

“I had to use rainbow sprinkles even though they don’t go with the dessert I made,” she stated briskly, plopping the cake down on the table. “I mean, if _someone_ would have warned me I could perhaps have prepared a nice pride cake using marzipan or whatever it is you young people like but now this is all I have. I hope you’re happy Castiel.”

He took in the cheesecake, multi-colored sprinkles spread evenly over its creamy top, and then turned to smile widely up at his perturbed mother.

“I am, mother,” he answered truthfully and his tone seemed to surprise her. “This is perfect.”

“Well,” she huffed and sat down, clearly trying to act unaffected and failing spectacularly. “It’s only cheesecake so don’t get too worked up.”

“It’s perfect,” he repeated in a mumble, feeling incredibly loved in that moment, and even more so when Jack took his hand and squeezed it, smiling brightly.

*****

“I really think Jane was right, dad,” Jack stated tentatively when they an hour later were driving home.

Castiel raised an eyebrow but didn’t turn his eyes away from the road. “About what?”

“About you not understanding what your man was saying.”

Castiel’s whole body flushed hot when Dean was referred to as his man. “I agree,” he sighed, slowing down for a red light and taking the moment to smile at his son but he could see on Jack’s face that the boy saw right through that smile. “But believe me when I say it’s not as easy as me talking to him. Even if we agree that I just misinterpreted him there are still a lot of obstacles.”

“Because you’re both men?”

“That a little,” a car behind Castiel honked when the light turned green and the line didn’t move fast enough. Castiel idled along at the pace set by the cars in front of him. “But mostly because I’m very much older than him. I’m not sure…” he sighed, feeling a little lost. “I don’t know that society would approve and even if they did, he’s got his whole life in front of him. I don’t want to hold him back just because I’m old and set in my ways.”

“You’re not _that_ old,” Jack snorted and Castiel couldn’t help but smile at his son’s tone. “And what do you mean about society? Is he like ten, or what?”

“No,” Castiel balked, giving his son a horrified look which Jack just answered with a grin.

“Then what’s the problem, really? That he’s got more life to live or something? What if he wants to live it with you?” Jack narrowed his eyes at Castiel. “If that’s really your argument then I don’t think you’re being fair to him. Don’t you think he should get to decide for himself what to do with his own life?”

Wow, Castiel had really not woken up this morning and expected to be schooled _twice_ by someone so much younger than him…

“I suppose…”

“Unless your argument is really that _you_ don’t want to be with someone younger than you because you’d think it would be boring in the long run? Then I guess it’s different but it’s also cowardly to hide it instead of being honest.”

“Jesus, no,” Castiel was actually sweating a little, what was up with this conversation? Had Jack channeled his inner Wise SageTM or what was going on?

“Or…” suddenly Jack looked his age again and Castiel breathed out, not quite sure he liked being scrutinized like that. “Is this about me? Does he know you have a kid and he doesn’t want that? Is that what you think?”

“No, bug,” Castiel said softly, keeping both hands on the wheel like a proper driver even though he wanted to reach out for his son. “He knows I have a son but I don’t think it’s bothering him. I’m truly insecure about me being too old and boring for him, not the other way around.”

“Then I think you should ask him about that,” Jack stated, back to sounding strangely mature. “You should talk to him about what Jane said and ask him if he’s bothered by the fact that you’re older.”

Actually Castiel _knew_ Dean liked that particular part of him but he wasn’t so sure the young man would know what it would mean in the long run. Wasn’t sure ‘the long run’ was even in the cards with Dean. And maybe that was the point? That he didn’t know. He wouldn’t know anything unless he did exactly what Jack was suggesting.

“I’m starting to think you’re right.”

“Do you know what you should do?”

Castiel turned into their street and spared his son a glance at the boy’s suddenly chipper tone. “What?”

“Invite him over for dinner,” Jack was grinning at what he obviously thought was a _splendid_ idea. “I’ll stay over at grandma and grandpa’s, or maybe I’ll sleep over at Alfie’s. Anyway, I’ll get out of your hair so you can have him over for a proper conversation and you can try to win him over with your awesome food. And if things go _well_,” Castiel would never get over the image of Jack trying to wriggle his eyebrows. “I won’t be in the way. You could invite him over Friday evening and I could stay away until Sunday evening, give you all the time you need to be grown-up and gross.”

Actually, the more Jack spoke about it, the more Castiel was starting to feel like it was a superb idea. Get Dean alone in a comfortable setting, but somewhere the man could easily leave if he felt he needed to. Get him talking, explain how Castiel felt once and for all, his hopes and dreams, and give Dean a chance to either do the same or properly reject Castiel. In fact, if he invited Dean and the young man wouldn’t even come over then Castiel supposed he would have his answer already there.

And _if_ things went well, then…

“Ew, you’re thinking about it!”

Castiel cleared his throat and threw Jack a guilty grin. “Are you sure you would be okay with that, though?”

“With you having sex with a man? Unless I have to see it, I think I’ll live.”

Castiel chuckled, inching the car up their driveway and clicking on the key fob that opened the garage door. “With me _dating_ a man, or dating at all.”

“Dad,” Jack huffed, shaking his head as Castiel rolled the car into their garage. “I told you when you asked the same thing before that date with Bela; I just want you to be happy. I really don’t care about age or gender or whatever.”

Castiel felt warmth spreading in his chest. “Thank you, son.”

“No problem, old man.”

His heart thumped nervously when he heard Jack call him that, painfully reminded of Dean using the same words but in a completely different tone, not to mention setting. Yes, it was clear to him now that he wanted to talk to Dean, _needed_ to talk to the young man, but that didn’t mean it would be easy.

In the end he supposed all he could do was take the leap and hope for the best, and if that wasn’t living then he didn’t know what was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the no-sex in this chapter... I surprised even myself but I guess they needed it haha! 
> 
> (also, no Brussel sprouts were harmed in the making of this fic! I happen to love them lol)


	7. You can have my everything

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel invites Dean over for dinner and a chance to talk and Dean apprehensively accepts.
> 
> Or,
> 
> The one where one thing leads to another, which eventually leads to love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so this happened and no, your eyes are not deceiving you, this really _is_ the last chapter of the fic! Man, some of you are gonna be soooooo annoyed with me lol! But this is what my inner muse approved and I like it so I’m gonna go ahead and mark both the fic and the series as finished for now Ｏ(≧∇≦)Ｏ
> 
> Remember that I love you all and thank you for reading! ❤❤❤

Dean had spent the entire weekend thinking about his talk with dad and Sammy on Friday afternoon, not to mention the discussion he’d had with Charlie before he got home and the text conversation they’d had later the same night. And yeah, he was nervous as fuck but he had decided to at least try to contact Cas and ask him what the fuck was up. Or at least ask him if maybe he had misunderstood Dean after all. He supposed he could always _ask_ and if Cas didn’t want anything more with him then at least he would know.

But seriously, the more Dean thought about it, the more he thought that the last time they’d had sex Cas hadn’t so much fucked him as he had made love to Dean and even though that was embarrassing as fuck to think about, Dean had to admit that he kind of loved the thought.

Anyway, the point was that Dean was ready to take the bull by the horns but in the end Cas beat him to it, like the fucking adult he was. Which was to say, he sent a bunch of increasingly lame text messages that Dean didn’t see until after practice on Monday afternoon.

He got out of the shower, thoughts on how to approach Cas, and when he opened his locker he saw his phone blinking to indicate a new text.

The first had come in literally five minutes after Dean had put away his phone and just reading the words made Dean’s heart stutter in his chest.

Dean had to pull himself together but as he read the following texts he couldn’t help but start grinning instead. 

  


Dean snorted at that last text and he couldn’t help how fucking in love he was with this dork.

Dean shook his head, grinning to himself as he put the phone in his locker to pat himself dry and get dressed but he didn’t get far when his phone went off as he got a response immediately. He laughed to himself, glad he was mostly alone in the locker room still.

Dean squirmed a little when Cas immediately understood what he had meant but he stopped quickly enough when Ketch raised an eyebrow at him and instead focused on replying in a way that couldn’t be misinterpreted in the least.

He almost sent a heart at the end there and he saw Cas typing but the man obviously changed his mind because Dean saw his typing stop and then start again. 

He smiled to himself, pretending Cas had been about to send something like a heart himself. He knew he shouldn’t read too much into this and shouldn’t get his hopes up but of course he did anyway. Because the truth was that if Cas really had wanted to end this thing they had been doing then he wouldn’t have contacted Dean again after so long. He had had the golden opportunity to just let it fade into nothingness but he hadn’t.

No, he had reached out, wanted to have Dean over into his house again, in his safe space, _alone_. Dean shouldn’t let his withered heart soak this up but he did anyway and he practically skipped all the way home, buoyed on the happy feelings.

Well at home he set to work making dinner for when dad came back, Sam was already in his room and doing his homework like the study bee he was and Dean just went inside to ruffle his hair briefly before dancing out of the way with a cackle and going down to the kitchen.

Dad came home earlier than Dean had expected, right when Dean was just starting to fry the chopped up hot dogs he was planning to mix in with the spaghetti.

“Monday blues?” he grinned when dad sank down at the kitchen table with a deep sigh.

“I swear, some of the customers have it out for me.”

“There’s beer in the fridge.”

Dad eyed the fridge but eventually he got up to get orange juice instead and Dean smiled to himself. When Dean and Sam had been younger dad had had a slight problem with drinking, not too much but enough that even only seven-year-old Dean had noticed and dad had stopped fast enough.

Of course, a beer now and then was nothing uncommon and even Dean had started having a few on the weekends, though less now that he didn’t go to Benny’s on the regular anymore. Still, he was happy dad went for the juice instead.

“How’s Sammy?”

“Good, he’s studying,” Dean snorted to himself. “Shocker.”

“You know,” dad smiled when Dean turned around to look at him. “I’m very proud of the both of you.”

“Jeez, dad,” Dean mumbled, looking down, but he was smiling so hard his face hurt. Yeah, dad had been pretty mushy since their talk about Dean’s sexuality and broken heart but Dean hadn’t really had time to adjust to it yet.

“It’s true though.”

“Speaking of something completely different,” Dean interrupted and he saw his old man smiling into his glass of orange juice, clearly enjoying teasing Dean like a jerk. “Since we had that awesome convo and all, I decided I wanna be straight with you.”

“Don’t you mean gay with me?” dad laughed at his own joke, clearly not hearing what he just said.

“You proud of that pun, dad?” Dean drawled and turned to flip around the hot dogs. “Seriously, though. I have a… a date this Friday, and I wanna take the car.”

By “the car” he of course meant their beautiful ’67 Chevy Impala, the apple of his and dad’s eye. They had another car too, a pickup truck, which they took turns driving when the other felt he had been away from their beautiful baby for too long. But Jesus fucking Christ, Dean didn’t want to arrive at what he felt was a somewhat important meeting with Cas in that old clunker. Besides, Cas had only seen baby’s sleek form and Dean wanted to maintain a cool image, however illusionary.

“I suppose,” dad answered slowly and he was looking contemplatively at Dean when he turned around again. “Just… remember what we talked about.”

“You mean before or after you barged in on me jerking it to gay porn?” Dean asked dryly but he couldn’t help but laugh at dad’s stricken look.

“Both,” the older man pressed out in a strangled tone. “And can I ask two things?”

“Sure,” Dean shrugged to make a show of nonchalance but inside he felt a little jittery.

He wasn’t used to talking about stuff like this with dad, or with anyone expect maybe Charlie, and even beyond that he was scared that he was making too big of a deal of it. Maybe Cas just wanted to meet up to make sure Dean wouldn’t expose him and that would be all.

“Are you meeting with the same guy who made you so sad?”

Dad looked adorably stern and Dean got an irrational urge to go hug the man. 

“First of all, I think I made myself sad, mostly,” he turned back to the hot dogs, flipping them again and then turning off the stove. “And secondly, yes.”

Dad grunted and remained quiet for a moment. Dean took the time to toss around the spaghetti and the chopped hot dogs.

“And it’s a _date_, you say? So you’ve made up?”

“I’m not sure exactly,” Dean admitted in a forced calm tone. “He texted me and said he wanted to meet, talk about things. I’m kinda hoping that we’ll… in any case, I wanna go see him and hear what he has to say because I have things I wanna say too. So,” he turned around with a smile. “There’s where we’re at.”

Dad’s face did something strange and Dean realized with a sudden start that the man was trying to hold back from crying.

“You grew up,” he mumbled after a moment and Dean’s heart couldn’t take it.

He forced out a cheery laugh and went to get plates and cutlery, pointedly not looking at his strangely emotional dad.

“I dunno about that, still feeling kinda childish and stupid over here. Anyway, what was the other thing you wanted to ask?”

“Oh yes,” dad cleared his throat and went to help Dean set the table. “Actually it’s a request and I have another one now too.”

“Shoehorning in one more thing? That’s sneaky, dad.”

“Well it’s just… If things go well, I’ll want to meet him, okay?”

“Sure,” Dean mumbled, smiling when dad looked at him. “Eventually, okay? It’s… kinda big for the both of us. I haven’t even liked someone before and he’s never been with a guy besides me so there’s that.”

Dad pursed his lips in displeasure and Dean suspected the older man didn’t like the thought of Dean being some kind of sexual experiment. He had mentioned something like that last Friday evening, after they had calmed down from their mutual embarrassment, and Dean got it, even though he was pretty sure Cas wouldn’t be the kind of guy to treat him like that. Well, he _hoped_, anyway.

“I understand,” dad eventually settled on and Dean nodded, relieved. “And lastly I want… can you allow me to see the outfit you’ll be wearing on the date? Before you go out, I mean.”

Dean stopped in his tracks, tilting his head to the side as he looked at his dad in confusion. Dad, on the other hand, was not meeting Dean’s eyes, putting all his focus on placing the fork and knife exactly right, as if his life depended on it.

“Are you… are you slut-shaming me?”

“What?” dad snapped up his head, looking horrified. “No! Is that what it sounded like?”

Dean smiled at dad’s shocked face. “Kinda, yeah. You gonna say something like ‘you can’t go out wearing this or that, people will get _ideas_’?”

“No, that wasn’t what I meant at all,” dad sighed, carding his hand through his short hair. “I just… look, I’ve always been kind of immaturely relieved that you and Sam are both boys because I thought, stupidly, that that would mean one less thing to worry about. But now, you’ve opened my eyes to a whole new world and I’m not saying that gay people are rapists, I’m saying there are people out there who are, period. And you,” he looked at Dean with soft eyes. “Both you and Sam favor your mother, and I’ve always loved that but now it worries me.”

“Are you saying I look girly enough that people’ll wanna rape me?”

Dad stepped up to Dean and stroked his cheek with his calloused hand. “I’m saying you’re beautiful and people are disgusting sometimes. I realize I’m sounding like an asshole but I’m scared shitless that something could happen to you.”

Dean smiled to himself, thinking that yeah, dad’s line of thinking was kind of stupid and archaic but even so he couldn’t help but feel happy for the attention and concern.

“I get it, dad,” he mumbled, looking up at the man with a cheeky smile. “I kinda don’t agree but I also understand. As long as you won’t start confining me to my room to ‘protect me’, then I’ll humor you. Deal?”

“Thank you,” dad smiled too, looking mightily relieved, and then surprised Dean by bending in and kissing him on top of his head. “I’ll go get Sam.”

“Sure,” Dean mumbled, feeling happiness spread throughout him for the second time the same day. Really, if it continued like this he thought he might just float out into space.

When Friday rolled around, Dean’s happy feelings had settled into a nervous roil and he couldn’t help but feel weird about the fact that he and Cas had this big date thingy planned but they hadn’t actually talked since this Monday. He kept going back into the text conversation, staring at it and thinking of ways to open up a new conversation, preferably on a completely mundane topic that they could bond over, but he had come up short every time.

Not particularly because they didn’t have interests in common but because he honestly kind of felt like they needed to jump the hurdle of the Friday Conversation first, to give him a clear idea of whether he was worthy of Cas’ attention or not. Fuck he hoped he was but he was _so_ nervous now that he wouldn’t be…

He took the longest shower ever, cleaning himself like a chump, and spent probably an hour choosing clothes. In the end he had changed his mind and didn’t want to go anymore, feeling too stupid and immature however he thought about it. Ugly too, Jesus what the fuck was wrong with him that he thought those jeans were a good idea?

He was just about to pull off his clothes and send Cas a text to cancel when Sammy happened to walk past his open bedroom door. He stopped dead in his tracks, eyeing Dean carefully.

“Damn, Dee,” he grinned, making Dean’s battered ego perk up. “Who’re you trying to impress?”

“Really? I’m…” he cleared his throat awkwardly. “Cas,” he whispered hoarsely as if Sam would know who that was.

But Sam apparently knew his big brother much better than Dean gave him credit for. He might not know the name but just from looking at Dean Sammy clearly immediately understood and he went into the room to straighten the collar on Dean’s shirt.

“You look amazing, for real.”

Dean swallowed, thinking he was dumb for needing the approval of his baby brother to feel good about himself but at the same time feeling very accepted by the smile Sam gave him.

“Thanks.”

*****

Dean arrived ten minutes early and felt like a tool for it but it wasn’t like he could wait in the car or something like that. On a nice street like Cas’, Dean’s beloved car stuck out like a wolf among sheep and he didn’t want to attract more attention than necessary by sitting there like a total creep.

He bought himself an extra two minutes by walking extremely slowly but when he saw the shadow of a figure moving behind the curtains in what he remembered as the living room he couldn’t take it anymore. The doorbell made a pleasant sound but Dean still thought that maybe it was weird that he rang it? Maybe, considering all they had done, he had earned the right to just walk in?

“Too presumptuous,” he muttered to himself and his answer was anyhow made clear when he heard the lock being turned.

Man, he would have looked like such a dumbass if he had tried to open the obviously locked door just because he felt entitled to own Cas’ space. And for what? Taking it up the ass a few times and crying about how good it was? Dean really needed to get off his high horse.

“Hello, Dean.”

Cas’ pleased smile could seriously be used as a weapon…

“Hiya,” he mumbled, trying to smile normally back but now that he was once again face to face with the man, all of Dean’s strength left him.

He walked into the house on wobbly legs when Cas stepped back to invite him in. Immediately he was hit with the nice smell of dinner and Cas’ cologne and he couldn’t honestly say which smelled better.

“Come in, let me take your jacket,” Cas was still smiling and it even looked a bit relieved, as if he had feared Dean would back out. “I’m making pasta carbonara, I hope you’ll like it, I thought—”

“I’m sorry, Cas,” Dean took hold of Cas’ arm when the man helped him take off his jacket, but he couldn’t make himself meet the older man’s eyes. “I really wanna come in and have dinner but I-I can’t take it anymore… could you just tell me why I’m here?” he looked up, unable to keep the pain from his face and he saw in Cas’ eyes that the man noticed. “Is it just to make sure I don’t blab about us fucking? Because I won’t, I swear.”

“Dean,” Cas mumbled, quickly hanging Dean’s jacket by the door and coming back to step right into Dean’s personal space. “Please don’t apologize for feeling uncertain, I myself almost cancelled this dinner several times because I…” he huffed out a sad smile. “I feared rejection. But you deserve honesty from me and the truth is that I have invited you here in the hopes that you would be amenable to opening up our relationship.”

Dean blinked stupidly for a moment. “What?”

“That is to say,” Cas smiled and took Dean’s hands in his. “Would you like to start a _proper_ relationship with me? That’s…” he lost some of his confidence and his smile turned ten years younger. “I mean, that’s what I wanted to ask but I understand if you…”

“If I what?” Dean asked breathlessly when Cas almost fidgeted for a moment.

“I’m much older than you,” he mumbled eventually, eyes downcast in the most submissive display Dean had ever seen on Cas. “I don’t want to hold you back but I have also been told that it’s not my place to decide that for you and so here I am, heart on my sleeve.”

“Shit, Cas,” Dean didn’t know what to say, completely swept away by everything that was Cas. “You took the words outta my fucking mouth.”

Cas’ eyes snapped up to his. “You mean…?”

Dean practically threw himself at Cas, arms around the man’s neck, knees knocking, and lips clashing as he kissed the man harshly. Cas groaned and put one hand on the back of Dean’s neck, immediately taking control of the kiss as he pressed Dean up against a nearby wall. Dean moaned and pulled up one leg so that their bodies could slot together.

“I thought you didn’t want me because I was too young,” he panted between kisses, shivering from pleasure as Cas brushed his hands up and down his body.

“Same, but the other way.”

“Eloquent,” Dean chuckled and then immediately threw his head back when Cas went to kiss his neck.

“Dean,” he sighed against Dean’s heated skin. “What you said on New Year’s, I… it felt like dying.”

“I’m sorry,” Dean rasped. “I’m sorry I’m a complete ass who’s too stupid to express myself like a normal fucking person.”

Cas pulled out and looked at him with lust-drunk eyes, eyes so filled with love that Dean almost melted.

“Then I did misinterpret what you said.”

“Yeah, but it’s not your fault…”

Cas pulled away completely with a smile. Dean immediately missed his warmth and he had to force down his arousal because calm down, dick, they still had stuff to talk about.

“Only partially, I was informed I might have misunderstood, so there was that too.”

“What do you mean?”

“I—” Cas cut himself off, turning his head to the kitchen when a timer went off. “Guess the garlic bread is done,” he smiled and took Dean’s hand in a gentle hold. “Would you like some dinner?”

Dean squeezed Cas’ hand, grinning widely. “I would, thank you.”

In the kitchen, the smell of the pasta carbonara was even thicker and Dean’s mouth actually watered. He went to help but Cas shooed him out into a dining room where the table was set for two, complete with fucking lit candles and stuff and if Dean had been a bit more stable at the moment he would have ripped on Cas for it but as it was he almost started bawling like a fucking wimp.

“I might have gone overboard,” Cas mumbled when he joined Dean, carrying the bread and a bottle of wine. “And I guess I shouldn’t ask, but would you like a drink?”

Dean eyed the bottle, feeling strangely mature in a setting that on all accounts probably should have made him feel the opposite.

“I’ve never had it,” he grinned even wider. “But I would like to try a glass.”

Cas nodded and proceeded to open the bottle with such practiced ease that Dean had to sit down without even being invited to do so.

“Otherwise I have beer or soda in the fridge,” Cas poured a glass for Dean without even spilling a drop. “The point of this isn’t to drink anyway.”

“No, I’m starting to feel like it’s to woo me,” he grinned cheekily and took a sip of the red wine. The taste was sour but he found he liked it, which wasn’t something he had actually expected.

Cas looked satisfied at Dean’s nod and poured himself a glass before sitting down to start plating. He started with Dean and the portion got a little larger than necessary because Dean got distracted watching Cas’ hands and forgot to say when.

Cas didn’t seem to mind that, though, and just plated a healthy portion for himself as well.

“Actually I don’t think you’re far off on that,” he admitted as he held out the garlic bread for Dean, looking pleased when Dean chose a piece with lots of melted butter on it. “And I feel compelled to admit this was Jack’s idea. The dinner, I mean.”

“Jack knows about us?” Dean’s heart immediately started galloping and he had to force himself to calm down when Cas shook his head.

“I’ve been feeling really down lately and it all came to a head last Sunday at a family dinner,” Cas smiled a little self-deprecatingly and Dean reached out to squeeze his arm. “I blurted out that I’m in love with a man and had my heart broken, it was quite the show stopper.”

“Shit, Cas,” Dean couldn’t help but smile despite the serious topic. “How did they take it?”

“Pretty well, actually. Mother seemed the most upset that I hadn’t told her before the dinner so she could have prepared a proper dessert, as if there are some desserts that are gayer than others.”

Dean bet there was. “Are you, though? Gay?”

Cas made a thoughtful face and started eating, which was good because Dean really wanted to but he didn’t want to be a pig and go first as if he wasn’t interested in hearing about this.

“I’m not so sure I am, not that I have explored the possibility. I read about it, though, and there’s this thing called heteroflexibility, do you know about it?”

“Yeah,” Dean took care to swallow properly. “Kinda like bi but not really, right? Like, straighter? Gay for the occasion?”

Cas chuckled. “Something like that. Or maybe I’m just complicating things by trying to find a label, the point is that you’ve captured me, and I was heart-broken because I thought you didn’t want me.”

“I…” Dean looked down at his mound of delicious pasta and bacon, swallowing over a thick lump. “I meant that we should stop being fuck buddies.”

“Yeah, I was rather unceremoniously informed of the same by my son and niece when I told them what you had said,” Cas shook his head, grinning, so Dean took that to mean it would be okay for him to try and let go of some of the guilt. “Apparently I’m ‘dense’.”

“And a dork,” Dean added lovingly. “But I’m emotionally constipated, according to my little brother, so I guess we’re a match made in heaven, huh?”

“Sounds like,” Cas grinned widely, nose scrunching and everything. Dean wanted to kiss him so much it hurt.

“So then Jack suggested this?”

“Yes, I was still uncertain and insecure and he told me I should just ask you, invite you over and try to win your affections with food.”

“Well,” Dean spun pasta around his fork more for show than anything else. “It’s working.”

“I’m glad,” Cas mumbled, looking down with a secret smile.

“For the record, I kinda told dad and Sam about you too,” he nodded to himself, taking a sip of wine. It tasted even better with the food. “I mean, no details, but about feeling bad and stuff. And they were supportive too, so I guess that’s good.”

“It is,” Cas agreed with affection and Dean couldn’t help but seek out the man’s foot with his own, basking in the warmth.

“So Jack is really okay with you dating and all? I was kinda nervous he’d be upset about it since you just got out of another relationship.”

“Ah, Meg,” Cas snorted, picking another piece of bread for himself before offering the basket to Dean. “When I realized how in love I am with you I _also_ realized I was never in love with her, she was basically just a rebound after Kelly’s death. I rebounded for ten years, how pathetic isn’t that?”

Dean was kind of low-key freaking out at how easily Cas could admit to being in love with him, guess that was the difference between a young and a grown man…

“It’s not pathetic at all,” he protested mildly. “I don’t know what happened to her but Kelly was your wife and the mother of your child and she _died_, I think you can be excused.”

Cas smiled gratefully. “It was cancer,” he said after a moment spent in companionable silence, his tone somber. “She got these sudden aches in her stomach and the doctors immediately found the cancer but it was too aggressive. She died three months later, it was…” he took a shaky breath. “I was a mess.”

“Fuck, Cas,” Dean mumbled and reached out to take Cas’ hand in his. “That fucking sucks.”

“It does,” Cas agreed in a low murmur, squeezing Dean’s hand back.

“My mom,” Dean lowered his eyes. “She died too, when I was little.”

“What happened, if you don’t mind me asking?”

“Such a stupid thing,” Dean sneered derisively at the world in general and pulled away so they could start eating again. “Me and dad were visiting grandma, dad’s mom. She’d had hip surgery and was bed-bound and dad wanted to check on her, mom and Sammy stayed here in Lawrence because they didn’t want to fly with him when he was so small, he was only like six months,” he looked up, seeing Cas look seriously at him. “I don’t remember any of that, dad’s told us countless times though, every time we asked he would just start talking about it and sometimes it was difficult to get him to stop.”

“I guess the pain felt a little less burdensome if he got to say it out loud.”

“Something like that,” Dean sighed, rubbing a hand down his face. “Anyway, I do remember dad waking me up. I was having an afternoon nap or something, I think because it was still during the day. Mom and Sammy had been in a car accident, the hospital had called him but it wasn’t like he could do anything being all the way over in Illinois but of course he wanted to come home. Mom had died immediately, though,” he stared with unseeing eyes at his glass of wine. “But Sam was mostly saved by his chair, he got a nasty cut on his arm from some glass though, still has the scar.”

“Dean…”

Dean looked up at Cas’ soft and sympathetic tone and he felt his heart twinge with love for the older man.

“I’m sorry,” he flashed a grin. “I didn’t mean to bum us out. Jesus, you invited me to discuss us having a relationship and I drop this bomb? How uncool.”

“I think it’s good,” Cas countered in an affectionate tone. “I’ve only met you a handful of times but it has definitely been enough to capture my attention and now I want to really get to know you. I know a lot about your body but barely anything about _you_, only enough to make me fall I suppose, but I want to fall even deeper.”

Dean felt humbled to the core. “Are you really fucking sure about this, though?” he _had to _ask, even if the answer scared the shit out of him. “I mean, I ain’t gonna be cute forever.”

“Are you asking if I’ll stop loving you if you grow out of your twink body?”

Dean blinked, surprised. “I’m impressed you know that word.”

“Well,” Cas was obviously preening and it was cute as fuck. “I might have Googled some things. And yes, by the way,” he rubbed his foot against Dean’s under the table. “I do enjoy your body but it’s _you_ I’m in love with. That won’t change whether you outgrow me or not.”

“Shit, Cas,” Dean mumbled, looking down with an embarrassed smile. “Way to make a dude blush.”

“I like it when you blush,” Cas’ voice was suddenly much lower, a timber Dean was well-acquainted with by now and his body responded in kind. “It makes your beautiful freckles stand out.”

Dean squirmed in his seat. “Gonna make me pop a boner at the table,” he muttered but it wasn’t like he was even annoyed. “Let’s finish dinner and then I can make it up to you for being stupid at New Year’s.”

“We were both stupid in the end,” Castiel stated but he clearly reeled himself in, respecting Dean’s wishes and Dean ached for him because of it. “In hindsight I had realized much earlier that I was interested in you but even so I didn’t do anything about it. I should have distanced myself or made a proper move.”

“Better late than never,” Dean winked. “When _did_ you notice you liked me, though?”

Cas looked thoughtful for a moment and Dean took the opportunity to top off their wine. “At the Roadhouse, I think. But really, the moment we met in the bar for a second time… or no, when we met at school,” he shook his head with a chuckle. “I couldn’t stop thinking about you all week so in the end I went to the bar to see if I could find myself someone else, to prove in a way that _you_ had been the rebound and that I shouldn’t be thinking so much about you. And then there you were again.”

Dean couldn’t help but laugh out loud. “I’m the same,” he exclaimed happily. “Man, I was so angry at how you made me feel, how vulnerable I felt with you and how much I _liked_ it. And that damn closet…” he looked at Cas, desire no doubt evident in his eyes. “My dick perks up like a fucking Pavlovian response every time I walk past it, it’s super annoying.”

“I can only imagine,” Cas laughed too and the sound _did_ things to Dean. Yeah, he could feel it, the talking portion of this evening was coming to an end as his body was starting to demand attention from the other man.

They made it through dinner without incident, though, talking and laughing together but the tension was growing, Dean clearly wasn’t the only one to feel it, even if Cas was better at controlling his own body. By the time they had put everything away after dinner and Cas had started the dishwasher Dean was more than half-hard and doing his best to hide behind the kitchen island so Cas wouldn’t see his desperation.

He supposed it was no use, though, considering most of the sex they’d had Cas probably already knew Dean was a slut for his dick…

“What are you doing all the way over there?” Cas murmured and suddenly he was right beside Dean, pulling him in closer to nose against the skin behind Dean’s ear.

“Trying to calm down,” Dean all but squeaked.

“Don’t, I like you riled up.”

Dean gasped, sounding _way_ more innocent than he actually was, and turned to kiss Cas properly. Cas’ hands felt big and warm on his back and Dean melted against the older man as they both opened up to let their tongues curl together.

But he cut the kisses off with a deep moan when Cas pressed him up against the island, grinding their crotches together. Fuck, he was already so hard for the man, so eager to just _do_ something, and Cas seemed to be in a similar state.

“When does Jack get back?”

“Sunday,” Cas kissed his words into the skin of Dean’s neck and throat. “Say you’ll stay the night.”

Dean moaned again, legs trembling as pleasure washed over him, his dick straining in his tight jeans.

“I-I don’t think I should,” he nearly whimpered at the devastated face Cas turned on him. “But only because I wanna be fair with dad,” he hurried to add, carding a hand through Cas’ hair. “I feel like I’ve really been deceiving him and he was so fucking accepting I wanna be a good son, or some shit.”

“It’s not shit,” Cas mumbled sweetly, going in to kiss Dean’s neck again, his hands down and kneading Dean’s ass. “It’s a wonderful thought.”

“And I… I guess I’m still a bit shaky,” he smiled when Cas glanced at him. “I’ve kinda been pining for you and now I got you and I’m…”

“I understand,” Cas returned his smile and it made Dean relax. “I feel the same, I guess that’s partly why I want you to stay. Not so much for sex but because I just need to hold you,” he grinded their bodies together slowly. “But I suppose sex too because I’m only a man and you’re highly erotic.”

“M-me too,” Dean groaned, spreading his legs. “I wanna talk and hang out and have sex; I wanna do it all with you, Cas,” he inhaled sharply when Cas went to kneel in front of him, rubbing his face against Dean’s stomach. “Maybe I can come back tomorrow?” he breathed, nearly choking when Cas turned dark eyes up at him. “If… if Jack doesn’t come back until Sunday then I could come back tomorrow after I’ve talked to dad and we could… spend the night?”

“Yes,” Cas hissed, fingers clever as he swiftly opened Dean’s jeans, pulling his clothes down to expose his rock hard dick. “I need to have you Dean, _all _of you.”

“Fucking hell,” Dean wanted to watch as Cas took him in his mouth, he _really_ did but his eyes slipped shut of their own accord.

The heat was extraordinary, the sounds Cas made travelled through Dean’s whole body, and the man’s hands, Jesus fucking Christ, his _hands_.

Big and warm and so skilled in touching Dean’s body, somehow knowing every nook and cranny, every erogenous zone that drove Dean wild. Even the weird ones like the back of his knee. He keened when Cas cupped his balls, taking as much of Dean’s dick as he could. It wasn’t much but he clearly knew how to make it good anyway, using his tongue to lap at the head, spearing it to prod at the slit.

Dean’s knees threatened to buckle and when Cas noticed he just fucking shifted them so that he would take most of Dean’s weight. Fuck, Dean felt dainty like a little flower and he loved it, arousal surging through him, his dick so hard it hurt.

“Fuck, Cas, don’t stop,” he pleaded, too caught up in his pleasure to even care how he sounded. “Feels so fucking good.”

Cas hummed, the vibrations insanely palpable, and Dean let out a hoarse shout. He pried one hand off the edge of the island to put it in Cas’ hair and goddamnit, he hadn’t meant to fist it but he couldn’t help himself. Cas didn’t seem to mind, though, but instead just groaned loudly when Dean accidentally pulled on his hair.

“Fuck, you like that?” Dean was a sweaty mess already, not unlike how it usually went with them. “Shit, you’re gonna make me come.”

Cas sucked harder on him, pulling him in deeper, and Dean couldn’t help how his hips twitched. It made Cas gag a little but he didn’t let that stop him and his enthusiasm was such a fucking turn-on that Dean didn’t know what to do with himself.

It was when Cas sneaked two fingers behind Dean’s balls to rub at his perineum that Dean knew he was done for. No matter how much he might like to wait to get off somewhere else, perhaps with Cas’ dick in his ass, Dean was going to come _now_ and Cas was right in the line of fire. He gasped pathetically and tried to push Cas’ face away but in reality he only managed to cling harder, his thighs quaking and spine burning with the pleasure that coiled in his lower abdomen.

“Cas, get off,” he whined, basically humping the man’s mouth now. “Get off, I need to come…”

His balls were so tight, his dick so hard, fuck Dean was taut as a bowstring and all Cas did was hum contently. Dean gritted his teeth and he bent over Cas’ body, cradling his head as he came hard in the next moment. And Cas, the fucker, he just sat there and took it all. His first fucking blow-job and he swallowed like a fucking pro and it was so goddamn hot that Dean almost came again immediately after.

“You should’ve pulled off,” he pressed out as soon as he had found breath enough to speak.

Cas looked up at him, letting Dean slide out of his mouth as he licked him clean.

“But I didn’t want to?”

Dean slumped against the kitchen island. “You’re too fucking good at this, no way I’m your first dude.”

Cas rose, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand as he looked at Dean like how Dean imagined hunters looked at their prey.

“I assure you, I’m only as good as my partner permits me to be.”

“What does that even mean?” Dean mumbled and pulled the older man into a deep kiss, licking the taste of himself out of Cas’ hot mouth. The mouth he had just had his dick in… fuck if he wasn’t twitching valiantly just remembering and it hadn’t even been two fucking minutes yet.

Cas was hard as iron and rubbing lazily against Dean’s hip, tempting him, so he snaked a hand down between them just to cup Cas’ erection, loving how it felt even through the man’s slacks.

“We shouldn’t do more tonight,” Cas mumbled against Dean’s neck. “You’re right and we should try to be proper.”

“Yeah,” Dean hummed, already working on opening Cas’ slacks. Cas leaned his hands against the kitchen island as soon as Dean pulled him out, boxing Dean in and letting him do as he wished. The rush of power was almost enough to floor Dean. “And speaking of, I suppose we should try and take it easy at least until I finish high school.”

“That sounds smart,” Cas grunted, hips grinding into Dean’s touches.

“I mean we can meet, but we probably shouldn’t _date_.”

“Yeah.”

Dean loved how breathless Cas was getting. The man was panting hotly against Dean’s neck, smelling so fucking good Dean wanted to bottle it up and keep it for himself.

“Because you know, I’m 18 and all now but still… let’s at least wait until I’m in college.”

“What—ah—what are your plans?”

Fuck yeah, Cas was clearly reaching his point of no return. He was leaking all over Dean’s fingers and his slow grind was getting faster and sharper as he leaned over Dean’s body, inhaling him.

“I’ve applied to some colleges,” Dean murmured. “But I’ve always hoped for KU, it’s easier that way. Even if dad insists he’s got money saved I want him to give that to Sammy. I can stay at home so it’ll be cheaper.”

“Or here,” Cas pressed out, making Dean’s heart leap.

He leaned out, getting eye-contact even if Cas’ were adorably unfocused right now. “Do you mean that?”

Cas’ face scrunched up, the man clearly caught between pain and pleasure. “I do,” he groaned and then his whole body sagged when Dean accidentally squeezed his dick too hard. “Dean, I’m gonna—your _clothes_.”

Dean didn’t even care. He just squeezed again, feeling Cas’ strength drain and pulled him into a secure embrace and deep kiss just as the man came hotly between them.

“That’s right,” he murmured sweetly against Cas’ mouth, so completely caught up in the moment and in love with this man that he didn’t even care that he sounded dorky as fuck. “Gimmie everything, _daddy_.”

And judging by Cas’ loud and enthusiastic release, he approved wholeheartedly.

* * *

Several months later Jack was returning early from baseball practice. He was happy and whistling to himself, even though he was quite bad at it. He couldn’t help it though, not when life was going so well.

Well into the summer heat, Jack was the happiest spending his time on the baseball field or with his friends, a circle of people which had grown over the last year and now even included Krissy Chambers and some of her friends, something that made Jack thrilled to think about. Krissy was simply beautiful and Jack got butterflies in his stomach every time he thought about her smile. He wished he was more mature so he could make a proper pass at her but she seemed to favor his sweet side so he supposed it was okay for now.

Dad’s car was in the garage when Jack went to put his bike in there but that wasn’t so unusual on Thursdays because dad’s work let out earlier then and he usually spent the afternoon with his male lover. Jack had yet to meet the mysterious man and that was perhaps the main reason why he hadn’t called his dad to let him know he would be home earlier.

Dad was very happy but also very secretive about his lover and Jack was itching to know more about him.

“Soon,” dad had said with a smile. “After the summer.”

Jack didn’t know why and he was frankly getting a little impatient. He didn’t find it weird that no one else in the Novak family knew who the man was. They all loved each other of course but they weren’t very close. Jack and dad, though, they were a _team_ and Jack wasn’t feeling left out yet but he was beginning to feel as if he would soon.

The man had even managed to make dad quit smoking, something Jack had failed spectacularly at, so forgive him his curiosity.

So instead of announcing his arrival like they usually did when they got home, he opened the door unnecessarily carefully and walked with slightly lighter steps. He immediately heard noises from the kitchen and steered his feet that way.

“Dad, I’m home—” he started when he opened the kitchen door but anything else stuck in his throat when he walked in on his dad locking lips with none other than Dean Winchester, former co-captain of the Lawrence High male swim team. “What?” he squeaked as both men turned big eyes on him.

“Jack? I didn’t think you’d be home for another hour?”

Jack didn’t even look at his dad, instead staring straight at Dean, who was looking back at him with a wild expression, not unlike a deer caught in the headlights.

“Coach had a thing…” he mumbled. Dean swallowed hard.

_I’m very much older than him._ That was a thing dad had said way back in March, when he was arguing against this relationship working out. _I’m very much older than him._

“Jack? Are you okay, bug?”

Actually Jack was fine, as long as everyone was happy he was fine with anything. Didn’t explain why a sudden darkness enveloped him at the same moment as the floor seemed to rush up at him, though.

“Shit!” dad exclaimed and the last thing he heard before he passed out was Dean Winchester’s chuckle, which was always a pleasant sound, followed by the young man’s amused words.

“Well that went well.”

Actually Jack had some pointers but on the whole he supposed he agreed, although he would have to do so out loud later. For now, the darkness had him and it felt like a blissfully obliviousness state he wasn’t quite ready to leave just yet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So what did you think? Did you hate it or love it (or did you feel nothing lol)? Let me know all about it in the comment section below! 
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> Thank you for reading and tune in next week when we go on a zany one-shot pwp adventure!  
xoxo, zation


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